The General has found a way to rid the nation of the homosexual scourge, and he’s asking our help to pass the following resolution in state legislatures nationwide. (Too bad Luke Esser is no longer in the state senate; this is exactly the type of resolution he would have sponsored.)
Whereas homosexuality is an abomination before God;
whereas Senator Tom Coburn has identified toilets as being critical habitat for homosexuals;
whereas it is common knowledge that homosexuals fear robots;
whereas Jim Naugle, the mayor of Fort Lauderdale, is using this knowledge to exclude homosexuals from the city’s beaches by installing robot toilets;
whereas the rest of our heterosexual nation would benefit if a similar approach were applied universally;
whereas Article I Section 8 of the United States Constitution empowers Congress to coin money and pay debts;
whereas official memos written by John Yoo, Alberto Gonzales, and Fred Fielding transfer all of the legislative powers found in Article I Section 8 to the President of the United States;
whereas the Vice President of the United State, using the blood of his hunting companions as ink, affixed his initials and a smiley face upon each of these official memos;
we, the citizens of the various states, beseech the President to order the demolition of all analog toilets, both public and private, and thereby destroy the homosexuals’ critical habitat;
furthermore, we, the citizens of the various states, respectably ask the President to command the Secretary of the Treasury to fund the construction of replacement pay toilets by a contractor of the Vice President’s choosing at a cost that shall not exceed 1.8 million dollars per unit.
Whereas Tom Foley, Karl Rove, Ken Mehlman, Armstrong Williams, David Dreier, and their fellow Log Cabin Republicans will just have to cross their legs and hold it!
stupid
What, no open bid on the toilets? If we work hard, we can get that price up to an even 2 MM dollars.
PS, RES, I think you mean “Mark” Foley. Whatever Tom Foley’s proclivities, he sure weren’t no Republican.
So … how do robot toilets work? Will this affect rabbits? Can I still shit on Stefan’s lawn?
With a Democratic House, filibuster-proof Senate, and President after the 2008 election, we should be able to legislate that all Republicans marry someone of the same gender, have an abortion (including males), give up their firearms, and take terrorists into their homes. As a sign of our magnanimity, we will grant them the right to worship freely in the public restrooms of their choice. Ah, the Day of Reckoning beckons . . .
Maybe there’s some money for you to make in this, Roger.
“Oh, robot toilets?? I thought you said rabbit toilets!!”
My friends always said if bush was elected, him and his right wing religious wackos would make it illegal to masturbate in your own room.
Damn if they didn’t.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/a.....1lee1.html
Sorry meant Mark Foley.
Digital toilets????? I suppose they’ll come with Microsoft Flush(tm) preinstalled.
FUNNY! :)
This is exactly what I think when I hear the other ‘great’ anti-homosexual arguments. They’ll all just crazy. There’s no science/rationality behind any of it…just this kind of convoluted non-sense logic. It all boils down to god-hates-fags (and people who eat bacon and keep dairy and meat together of course). My god can beat up your god.
9
You only think you’re being funny.
[Deleted — Darryl, see HA Comment Policy]
It is bad enough that the queers think they should be a protected class, even worse is they think they have the right to have sex in public in front of minor boys. It seems all queers are child molesters. Look at all the priest and political figures on both sides, all raping children.