In its quest to reach a hipper, younger audience, the Seattle Weekly (editorial motto: “Under New Management”) has started running the syndicated advice column Ask a Mexican.
Hmm.
When I first heard about Ask a Mexican a few months back on NPR’s On the Media, I thought it sounded like an amusing, edgy and oddly informative effort to combat racial stereotypes. But now that I’ve had the chance to read it in the Weekly… not so much.
Maybe it was just an off week. Or perhaps I just couldn’t handle the incongruity of seeing such an un-Brewsteresque column in the pages of the once venerable Weekly. But rather than combatting hateful stereotyping it just struck me as an opportunity for the questioners to luxuriate in it under the guise of enlightened sarcasm.
Writer Gustavo Arellano keeps his sense of humor as he slaps down the questions with snark, wit, and big wallop of reality. But the questions… oy. Questions like “What is it about the word ‘illegal’ that Mexicans don’t understand?” or “Why do Mexicans love public rest rooms so much?” Rather than encouraging dialog, the whole column comes off as an opportunity for sensitive liberals to have a good laugh at the expense of ignorant bigots — all the while giving the bigots a public forum.
But what do I know? The Weekly’s new publishers are successful professionals, after all. I mean… they even have focus groups.
So rather than criticize, I’m choosing to follow their lead and ride the wave of ambiguously self-hating ethnic stereotyping that surely leads to a younger, more lucrative demographic. And so I’m pleased to announce the launch of HA’s newest weekly feature: Ask a Secular Jew Who Married a Shiksa and Lives Near Two Orthodox Synagogues.
Here’s how it works. If you have a question about Jews or Judaism, and you think a secular Jew who married a shiksa and lives near two orthodox synagogues might have the answer, just ask away in the comment thread of this post. I’ll answer one or two of the most ridiculous and blatantly antisemitic questions in next week’s column.
All I ask in return is that you please show a little decorum and follow the rules. For example, I will not answer simple, Jew-baiting death threats. However, if, for example, like one anonymous email correspondent you were to ask “Why don’t you die you Christ-killing, motherfucking jewboy bastard?”… well, that would be acceptable… as long as you remember to include the question mark.
I look forward to your questions, and eventually, a lucrative syndication deal.
Heeeereee coommessss Jaaaayyyybooo!!!!
DAY THREE 8/24: WHERE’S GOLDY ???????????????????
Tim Eyman came out in opposition to the property tax that never ends. Will Goldy open up his wallet to the greed of Seattle gummint, or get on Tim’s team to oppose the largest tax hike in Seattle’s history?
I’ve noticed that Jews from European areas appear to be white folks, and Jews from Middle Eastern areas appear more dark skinned. Was I under the mistaken impression that Jews were a racial group rather than solely a religious group?
Roy,
Yes.
Goldy, I’d pay real money to see your hate mail.
Goldy,
Why is it that some of your liberal followers (read below) seem to carry anti-semite beliefs? Notice the derogatory reference to “Israeli values”?
Do you think that these same posters secretly despise you because you are Jewish? What are your feelings about the state of Israel?
(posted on “Open Thread” 8/22/2006)
jaybo –
You amongst all those who “think right” here at Horsesass.org clearly understand the threat to world peace from the Macacas. I am the only Republican speaking on this most highest of priorities for our country.
Send me $$$$$$ jaybo. As your next Dear Leader, I will kill million upon millions of terraists (at least a billion) so you can feel safe and prosperous especially when you travel to Israel. I will also cut taxes almost (but not quite) to zero and increase spending on programs for states who “think right”.
I call this “the agenda of the real world”.
Join me jaybo (and don’t forget the $$$$$$$) and together will call the nation’s attention to the Macacas, the greatest threat to American and Israeli values since the liberals.
Commentby George Allen [R – NoMacacas]— 8/24/06@ 8:35 am
Jaybo, Irony Alert A-OOGA,A-OOGA!Irony Alert!
Satire is complete lost on whackbo. This is the whackbo mentality:
George Bush is not doing a good job: anti-semitism.
Israel bombed Christians in Lebanon: anti-semitism.
The Neo-cons are wrong: anti-semitism.
LGF sucks: anti-semitism.
Jaybo, I disagree with you: you’re an anti-semite.
Whackbo is as whackbo does.
Goldy,
I’m a goy married to a JAP, I need your help.
She says that the midrash says that the toilet seat must be down. Is that true?
Roy @3,
Since you asked a serious question, it deserves a serious answer.
There to two major, ethnic Jewish communities, the Ashkenazim from Germany and Eastern Europe, and the Sephardim from the Middle East and Mediterranean region. While the religion is the same, the culture, customs, foods and language are very different.
When most Americans think of Jewish culture, they tend to think of Ashkenazi Jews… the Yiddish, the chopped liver, the lox and bagels, etc. Oddly enough to this East Coast Jew, the old Jewish community out here in Seattle tends to be Sephardic.
The reason we look different is that communities in diaspora tend to intermarry with the native population, regardless cultural prohibitions. (As Woody Allen said: “The heart wants what the heart wants,” though perhaps he was really referring to his penus.)
There was actually a genetic study done a couple years back that showed that when you looked at the Y-chromosone of Ashkenazi men, distinct Jewish communities throughout Eastern Europe where clearly more closely related to each other than to the native populations surrounding them. However, when you looked at mitochondrial DNA (passed on maternally) distinct Jewish communities were more closely related to surrounding population than to each other.
Which of course just proves the point that Jewish men just love those shicksas.
Can one convert from shicksaism to secular Judaism? Is there a “c” in shicksa?
10.
That seems counterintuitive, since the children of a Jewish mother are accepted as Jewish without conversion.
RJ @11,
I just googled it and yes, “shiksa” seems to be the preferred spelling. So I’ve made the change.
Hey Goldy – Are you on Tims side on the prop tax thing? Or are you gonna open up your wallet and let Nikels take whatever he wants?
Inquiring minds wanna know…
Ask a Secular Jew Who Married a Shiksa and Lives Near Two Orthodox Synagogues
Could you translate that to Catholic?
Harry @12,
And yet the most iconic figure in Jewish history, King David, was descended from a shiksa, his great-grandmother Ruth.
Go figure.
DAY THREE 8/24: WHERE’S GOLDY ???????????????????
Tim Eyman came out in opposition to the property tax that never ends. Will Goldy open up his wallet to the greed of Seattle gummint, or get on Tim’s team to oppose the largest tax hike in Seattle’s history?
How come Jewish Guilt Complexes are so, so much funnier than Catholic Guilt Complexes, which are really just kind of sad/scary?
CB @ 18: I can relate, being raised Catholic myself. I went to Our Lady of Psychological Warfare. Did you go to Catholic school?
I “turned in my knee pads” a month short of my 19th birthday, which was 35 years ago. I got tired of the Catholic guilt fest!
Okay, I had to look up “shiksa” on Google. Along the way, I found the following book on Amanzon, which looks like a funny read.
http://www.amazon.com/
When I attended the wedding of JAP friend in Great Neck, Seattle was described as a vast cultural wasteland of Judaism by the presiding Rabbi. I think not so much, anymore.
The Jews invented Guilt , but the Catholics perfected it.
When I looked “shiksa” up, all I got were definitions identifying it as a derogatory name used for non-jewish women and girls. It must be losing this connotation overtime, ’cause the word shows up quite a bit in polite conversation these days.
I have a “Jewish” question…where are you hiding all the great delicatessens?
Goldie, you are very brave to do this. Oy. I would just like to comment on a few of these questions myself. Sometimes we American Jews don’t realize the exact meaning of a Yiddish phrase. (Incidentally, the Ashkanazis had their own language called Yiddish, based on German, and the Sephardics had Ladina, roughly similar to Spanish). Once I called a guy a schmuck, because I just assumed it meant jerk or idiot, but actually it means something must stronger, and the guy was really angry at me.
A misconception is that Jews support everything Israel does. That is just not true, and in fact, many Jews in Israel don’t support everything Israel does. We almost all support their right to exist in peace, however, we just don’t always support the more rightwing political parties in Israel. Israel has a wide variety of beliefs and parties to choose from, being a surprisingly diverse country with Jews from all over the world.
http://www.homesteadbook.com
A misconception is that Jews support everything Israel does. That is just not true, and in fact, many Jews in Israel don’t support everything Israel does.
Jaybo would call this “anti-semitism”.
Oh oh excuse me!! My bad. It’s called “self-hating”..
..rolls eyes….
“Why don’t you die you emasculated, useless, corporate prostitute garbage wrapper?”
No, I’m not talking about you Goldy. The Seattle Weekly is done. Over. Finis. It’s life is over, its body is now occupied by cancer cells. It should just fucking die.
DI@25 The Diaspora has had a truly profound effect on Judaism. What was once a more or less coherent, integrated culture that practice monotheism, is now a MultiCultural,Multi-Ethnic extravaganza that is bonded together by its monotheism.
In modern time we can follow some of the stresses of knitting these disparate threads back together in the sagas of the Yemeni Jews, and the ‘Lost Jews’ from Ethiopia.
In more ancient times we have the tale of the ‘Lost Roman Legion’, sent East by Caligula, and the subsequent peculiar finding of a Jewish and Roman Cemetery in Harbin, China, by Matteo Ricci. He (Ricci) also found Ethnic Chinese following a form of Jewish Worship.
The Jews invented Guilt , but the Catholics perfected it.
Commentby Tree Frog Farmer— 8/24/06@ 11:02 am
As my east coast Catholic parents said, when two of thier daughters married Jewish guys:
“Jews, Catholics, same thing”
Holy crap MTR, how can you bitch at Goldy for not answering your question when you won’t pay your gambling debt.
What a piece of crap you are
Oh man, it’s gotta be anti-semitic? I also have a serious question, maybe one of the trolls can make some anti-semitic hay from this:
Why isn’t Macabees (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maccabees) included in the Tanakh? Seems like the formation of Israel would be something you’d want included? I’m interested in the scholarly answer and your personal feelings.
In exchange if you’d like to ask a question of an ex-Catholic, Christian, I’ll oblige.
Gracias for the plug, Secular Jew! Here’s an Ask a Mexican about Jews for you!
Hey Secular Jew! Who do I have to sleep with to get a good bagel in this town?
“JAP” is anti-semitic. It’s a negative stereotype, no different than shiftless, cheap. Jews don’t get a bye on this.
Ok Hi Goldy I started asking this yesterday Because I watched a couple of video’s I down loaded off of usenet. I think people posted them . Daring the Lebanese war . They are Holocaust denier video’s . Which if I would have realized what they were about I probably wouldn’t have downloaded them. I load up 1000 headers at night before I go to bed and sort them in the morning kind of and join the files and everything . Actually im doing that right now as im writing this.
But any ways I got these too videos one is actually made bye a secular jew . there kind of home made . You are going to really need to watch these videos in order to answer there claims I guess. They were so disturbing to me for the very fact that they made so much sense and I couldn’t really knock down there argument like a Dr Kennedy post of Mark the Red Neck nonsense. Here is the first one you can watch them on the web …… David Cole at Auschwitz
http://opposingdigits.com/vlog/?p=205
and here is the other one it’s kind of long he really goes threw things point bye point and uses the numbers and maps from the holocaust museum and eye witness testimony of supporters . And after he does this you can see that it is impossible that it could have happened they way I have always though. And I don’t want to believe it but he really makes it hard not to. Like I sead it is really disturbing . Ok here is his videos please watch this one for me this is the ones that really bothers me ONE THIRD OF THE HOLOCAUST
A 4 hour movie offered below in 30 episodes, on the subject of Treblinka,
Sobibor, and Belzec.
http://zamphir.litek.ws/
Im feel the need to apologize for this im not a holocaust denier . It just really bothers me because it’s hard to refute what there claiming .
I hope you can do it for me and everyone any way thanks and im sorry again :-/
bL @33,
It doesn’t really matter who you sleep with, as long as that bed is located in New York.
22 you might be able to substitute “Democrats”, “corruption” and “Republicans” for “Jews”, “guilt” and “Catholics” in the same sentence, and still have it make sense.
Taking a little of Mark’s bait…Tim Eyman doesn’t even live in Seattle. Those of us who do may very well take care of Greg Nickels when he’s up for reelection.
Artfart@37 Touch< é>
goldy@10; I still don’t get the skin/look differences
a) Jews didn’t go elsewhere in big number until 64ad or later.
b) ok, so Ashkenazim got fair skinned via 2000 yrs of intermarrying Poles, Hungarians, etc.
c)Sephardim flee same time to Spain etc. Spain until the Moors also light skinned, right? Then Moors i guess contributed some melatonin to the Spanish. So between the Moorish invasion(s) and 1492 (when sephardim kicked out), these spanish Jews got some melatonin, or at least didn’t go pale like their northern brothers.
d) are their pockets of Jews that remained in places like Iraq, Palestine, etc who are more like Jews of 2000 yrs ago, although they too i guess intermarried in the interim.
Goldy,
I see you are afraid to answer my questions.
Frankly, I’m really not that surprised.
I guess to are too afraid to take me on in a debate of the issues I presented.
Both Irish people and Jewish people like brisket. Why?
right @40,
There were indeed large Jewish communities throughout the Middle East and North Africa, up until the 20th century.
I think some of the Jewish communities around N Africa, Middle east were Sephardic, but most of these were neither what you/we call Ashkenazim nor Sephardim, right? Jewish quarter in Baghdad, Damascus etc …so do these guys have physical characteristics more like Jews before the diaspora? When i see blue eyed German Jews its hard to tie them to Jews of the bible, though i know its true.
Dear Ask a Secular Jew Who Married a Shiksa and Lives Near Two Orthodox Synagogues
My girlfriend is gluten allergic and can’t have wheat flour. We can have rice flour, potato flour and corm meal but I can’t find gluten free bagels to save the life of me. What is a poor schmuck like me gunna do? I feel so bad sneaking bagels when I am out like I am cheating on her or eating bacon.
Just watched “Judge Judy”. It’s fun to watch these loser Democrats who “have needs”, gold chains, diamond earrings, and no jobs. They “gets da “guvment” check, drive with insurance or a valid license, wreak other people’s cars, borrow money from friends, and never pay them back. The lesson: Stay far away from this loser “entitled” class of Democrats. Don’t hire them. Don’t live in the same community. Keep your kids away from this loser class of Democrat urban scum. Final thought: This Democrat scum all live in a public school Democrat “PC” envoronment, and are absolutely shocked when Judge Judy tells them that they are uneducated scum. Why am I reminded of “The Socialist”???
Alright, I’ve been to shy to ask this question, but now I will. How did you get it so wrong. Have you ever heard of mad pig disease, did Jack in the Box kill people with pork hamburgers, have pigs ever scared the food police like chickens do? Isn’t it time to revise those laws about what’s kosher? Rob
YES! Goldy- great points. The Weekly has totally become embarassing and out of touch.