AN ACT Relating to allowing dogs in bars; and adding a new section to chapter 66.24 RCW.
BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF WASHINGTON:
NEW SECTION. Sec. 1. A new section is added to chapter 66.24 RCW to read as follows:
The holder of a spirits, beer, and wine restaurant license, a beer and/or wine restaurant license, or a tavern license may allow well-behaved leashed dogs accompanied by their owners on the premises during business hours. The board shall develop rules to implement this section.
Honestly, I totally support SB 5484 — as does my dog — and I thank state senators Jacobsen, Kline, Murray and Poulsen for their legislative leadership. But, ohmygod… the punchline generating potential of this bill is so absofucking ginormous, how can I possibly resist making fun of it?
It’s so overwhelming, I just don’t know where to start. Let’s see, something about the sponsors being tools of the Irish Setter lobby…. No wait… will lapdogs have to follow the four-foot rule? Oh… I know there just has to be a joke in here somewhere involving the phrase “coyote ugly.”
And here’s one for my Republican friends: “If they don’t already allow dogs in bars, how did [insert name of female Democratic politician here] ever snag her husband?”
Anyway, use the comment thread to come up with your own joke regarding this bill — or your favorite “dog walks into a bar” joke — and if we get enough good ones perhaps I’ll hold a poll to pick the winner.
UPDATE:
I guess WA state bars better start stocking up on Kwispelbier.
may allow well-behaved leashed dogs
Question: what’s the legal definition of ‘well-behaved’?
Sounds like this would be unenforceable. I don’t like other people’s dogs (or kids) jumping up on me. Do I get to call the cops to come throw the dog and the owner out of the bar? And what about their fuckin’ kids?
(Feeling a bit misanthropic today.)
OK, then what about octopi?
What if my dog smokes cigarettes?
So this dog walks into a bar with his owner in tow. There’s a chess table set up in the corner, so the owner walks over to the table and starts setting up the pieces. The dog cocks his head to one side, watching his owner.
Finally everything is set up properly and the owner pushes his king’s pawn forward two spaces.
The dog looks at this for a second, and then pushes the black queen’s bishop pawn forward two spaces with his nose — the Sicilian Defense.
This goes on for a while, with the owner making a move, the dog making a move. Occasionally the dog barks and moves his nose from one square to another. The bartender notices that this means he wants to do something complicated, like move a knight or castle.
Finally after about an hour the dog grabs his queen in is mouth, sets it down on the table in front of the enemy king, and starts barking excitedly and wagging his tail. Checkmate!
The guy goes up to pay the bar bill but the bartender won’t accept his money. “Keep it. Two beers is worth the show. That’s a smart dog you’ve got there.”
The man motions the bartender over, and then whispers conspiratorially in his ear: “He isn’t so smart. I can beat him three times out of five.”
Somewhat obliquely related; a sign in a Portland gourmet kitchen store:
“Unattended children will be given a double espresso and a puppy.”
Goldy put them up to this…
He’s trying to get the bars to allow his wife in….
Do the dogs have to be 21?
Does my Pekingese, Elvis Pupsley, get to order Tsing Tao? Can he participate in karaoke?
woof woof bark woof woof woof bark bark woof!
To see me, click here: http://tinyurl.com/2hzbdj
“Without committing herself to a course of action, the governor said she wants to hear what voters say in a March 13 election in Seattle on the viaduct.
Really? Since when do elected officials in FUWA give a fuck what voters think? Let’s go down to that fucking baseball stadium and talk about it. Or license tabs. Or property taxes. Or special privileges…
What I need explained to me… and I’m sure someone here can “educate” me… why do democrats have to lie all the fucking time?
http://seattletimes.nwsource.c.....uct22.html
Oh c’mon, surely someone can come up with a better joke than mine . . .
But not one DAMNED word about my parrot.
Why do the dogs have to be well behaved when most of the people act like wild animals? And, besides then the owners would have to put dog condom machines in the men’s restroom and the Republicans would want legislation proposing Dog abstinence only!
MTR is really hoping this bill passes. He’s got a special someone who otherwise has to wait outside while he sips his Kahlua and colas.
A dog wearing a cowboy hat, six-shooter, and a sling on one leg walks into a saloon and says, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
[DISCLAIMER: I don’t really do jokes.]
Ah yes, the old jokes are the best because we all know when to laugh.
Sure would add a new meaning to, “Bitch Slapped”.
‘”And here’s one for my Republican friends: “If they don’t already allow dogs in bars, how did [insert name of female Democratic politician here] ever snag her husband?”
‘Anyway, use the comment thread to come up with your own joke regarding this bill …’
Oh, sure, you might think this is clever, but like most liberals, you haven’t thought to the conclusion of your ideas. Once we liberals start making nasty right-wing humor, we’ll quickly corner the market (except for P.J. O’Roarke) then the guy who draws Mallard Fillmore will lose his income, and won’t hire fancy lawyers to beat his DUI rap. Then we’ll see a right-wing commentator actually forced to take responsibility for his actions, and all of our heads will explode. Nice work.
My dogs love the Bitch, just not the D Bitch, cause they walk away from the D Bitch, cause the D Bitch always wants mo mo mo money…..and my Bitch say your Bitch, Pay your own F’n way! You hear it now and hear it well! Pay your own F’n way!
Dogs are allowed in bars and restaurants in Germany and all of them are well-behaved.
@19 R-I-I-i-i-i-g-h-t!
Doesn’t the Legislature have more important things to do than wasting time with determining if dogs should be allowed into bars? I think the more pressing issue is if they should let dogs into the new Sonics arena (if it gets built).
Also I think a dog would only need to be 3 to legally enter a bar.
So a guy walks into a bar with his dog. He’s sitting alone at the bar when he hears a whisper, “Nice dog.” He whips around but no one is there. He hears it again, “nice dog” and calls the bartender over. The bartender laughs and says, “Oh, that’s the peanuts…they’re complimentary.”
Okay, bad, ripped off from Prairie Home Companion joke show.
Actually, I don’t get what it is with people and this constant taking their dogs everywhere. Can’t they get along without their dogs (or vice versa)?
Hey, if they get to take dogs into bars, they gotta allow us to bring them into the cafes too. My dog’s just pathetic sitting out there tied to a tree while I take on caffeine; he’d force me to switch to alcohol just so he could come in out of the wind.
@20
Are German bars and restaurants badly behaved when dogs are NOT allowed???
23
ROFLMAO. Don’t know why, but that is just too funny.
Life lessons learned from a dog
1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you’ll get what you want.
2. Don’t go out without ID.
3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by pissing on their shoes.
4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is most effective.
7. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you’re dragged shamefully out from under the bed).
8. If it’s not wet and sloppy, it’s not a real kiss.
Here is one of my favorites:
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said, “I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.” The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, “The sign says you have to be good with a computer.”
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, “I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can’t give you the job.”
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, “Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual.”
The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, “Meow.”
I knew that someday these groaners would come in handy.
Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?
A: Because you can’t bury them in trees!
Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
A: He was trying to make both ends meet!
Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
A: A collie-flower!
Q: Why do dogs wag their tails?
A: “Because no one else will do it for them!”
Q: Why didn’t the dog speak to his foot?
A: Because it’s not polite to talk back to your paw!
Q: What is the dogs favorite city?
A: New Yorkie!
Q: Who is the dogs favorite comedian?
A: Growlcho Marx!
Q: What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?
A: “Well, doggone!”
Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
A: He stole the show!
Q: How can if you have a stupid dog?
A: It chases parked cars!
So this effete intellectual snob walks into the lounge holding a sort of wet, matted, snot covered lhasa apso. The dude starts wiping his little dog with a bar towel & asks, “Who had that pit bull chained to the bicycle rack?”
A huge tatooed biker yells “That’s my bull terrier. Why?”
Snob says, “Well, he’s dead. Pussybear here killed him.”
After the biker & all the dudes at his table quit laughing, he says, “Bullshit. That little piece of shit couldn’t kill a mouse.”
Snob says, “Sure can. Your pit bull tried to swallow him in one gulp and choked to death on the fur.”
What about rabbits? And horses? My horse friends want to attend DL!
A horse walked into a bar, sat on a stool, and ordered a stiff drink. The bartender said, “Say, Horse, why the long face?”
What happened when a cokehead stole an election and became president?
He wagged the dog.
An oldie but a goodie, re-worked for the proposed law:
A man and his dog walk into a crowded roadhouse. The man announces that if anyone will buy a round, his dog will talk. One red-faced patron accepts the deal, but threatens both with death if the dog can’t talk.
After drinking, the man turns to his dog and asks, “What’s overhead?” The dog replies, “Roof!” The patron glares at the dog’s owner.
The owner then asks the dog, “What does a man say when you bite him?” and the dog answers, “Owwww!” The patron hurls a mug of beer at the owner’s head, missing by half an inch. The owner asks for one last chance, and the patron grudgingly agrees.
The owner grandly asks his dog, “Who’s the greatest baseball player of all time?” and the dog answers, “Ruth!” The patron charges at the owner, but the dog jumps in front of him, buying enough time for both owner and dog to escape down the road.
Once safely away, the dog turns to his owner and inquires, “DiMaggio?”
What I want to know is who is asking for this bill and why.
Will our bars here start having Doggie Happy Hour http://www.doggiehappyhour.com like they do in the courtyard of the Holiday Inn in Old Town Alexandria, VA?
Here’s a WaPo article http://tinyurl.com/ywhnw7 I ran across this on a trip back east a couple years back and the place was absolutely packed. Evidently, dogs are good for increasing bar business because they have two well attended Doggie Happy Hours each week.
IF DOGS ARE NOW ALLOWED GUESS THAT MEANS LEFT FOOT CAN BRING THE WIFE ALONG AND GOLDY CAN BRING HIS DATE
http://www.doggiehappyhour.com/
yo @ 34
The only way you will have a date is if Ted Haggard is available. We heard you like that hopped-up-on-crack homosexual sex. We are liberal and are not judging you, just pointing out we care enough about our wingnuts friends to know all we can about them.
Jr, you are playing with the big boys here. Be careful.
Yo, back when Mark Foley used to get drunk with Daddy, he said you gave okay head. But then he left town.
I’d have to say my favorites so far are 29 & 30.
sorry, make that 28 & 30. I like my jokes long-form.
@6 Goldy is single, dumbass.
@14 Now THAT’S funny! Best damn joke in the whole thread.
@19 Y’know, we could tolerate you lying, freeloading, Republican assholes if you’d pay YOUR own way.
The Dog and Pony Ale House in Renton, Wa (near the Boeing Plant) has an outside seating area that has always been dog friendly. However, recent requirements of the Health Department make having a dog against the health code. The only exception is a guide dog. (There is a collection of Dog Pictures from patrons). They also feature brews from Dogfish Head (Delaware) Hair of the Dog (Portland, Ore) and many other breweries.
A three-legged dog walks into a bar.
He says to the bartender, “I’m after the guy who shot my paw”.
^_^
Newt Gingrich walks into a bar.
Sitting on his shoulder is the ugliest, mangiest, flea-bitten dog yo have ever seen in your life.
The bartender looks over and says “OMG, what is that ugly thing? It’s hideous.”
The dog answers “I’m not sure, but it started out as a boil on my butt this morning.”
My buddy only drinks Rainier so I’m sure any place that serves it wouldn’t give a damn if my pooch came in or not. Hell, he could probably piss on the floor of the Blue Moon and no one would notice.
We’re so stoked about the possibility of this law, we thought of a joke –
A dog walks into a bar and walks out with a hot bitch.
Thank god the legislature has solved all of the other problems plaguing Washington State and have freed up their time to introduce the legislation that will allow me to have my dog accompany into my local bar.