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SNL Weekend Update: Bernie Sanders drops out.

Stephen: Barack Obama endorses his former VP, lays out the ways Joe Biden outshines The Dotard.

Seth Meyers: Jane Fonda declares the age of fossil fuel is over.

Tooning Out: Former DNC Chair Terry McAuliffe on the art of begging donors over Zoom

SNL: RBG Workout.

Obama SLAMS Трамп & McConnell in epic call to action.

The Late Show: New species fills President Obama’s pauses.

Now This: The climate crisis is destroying this tribe’s way of life.

ТрампPlague:

• The Late Show: Трамп’s female reporter detector reveals mommy issues
• Bruce W. Nelson: “Fauci”, a parody of the 1925 song, “Dinah” by Harry Akst
• Stephen: Dr. Jon LaPook answers your questions about CoViD-19
• Seth Meyers: Chris Hayes shares the moment he realized how badly coronavirus would affect the United States
• Jimmy Kimmel: Трамп vs Fauci & Easter at home
• Bruce W. Nelson: I’m just checkin’ in with you
• Now This: Spread of COVID-19 in the U.S. vs. the world
• J-L Cauvin: The Dotard Трамп mourns Brian Dennehy
• Samantha Bee: This week in “things that shouldn’t surprise us”—COVID-19 is extremely racist
• Bill Maher: Panic porn
• The Daily Show: The Dotard makes a big breakthrough on testing
• Bruce W. Nelson: I’m number one on Facebook
• Jonathan Mann: Total Authority, No Responsibility:

• Seth Meyers: John Oliver appreciates Dr. Fauci’s discipline while working with Трамп
• The Daily Show: The Dotard blames everyone but himself for the coronavirus epidemic in the U.S.A.
• Lars von Retriever: MetalТрамп—Epidemic
• Bruce W. Nelson: A song about Mike Pence’s soul
• Trevor: What are the craziest coronavirus conspiracy theories?
• Stephen: Трамп’s mishandling of the CoViD-19 crisis is confirmed by Dr. Fauci
• Mark Fiore: A very unstable coronavirus briefing
• Jimmy Kimmel: Yet another quarantine monologue
• The Late Show: Трамп’s name is on the checks
• Wired: Dr. Seema Yasmin on covid-19 immunity compared to 6 other diseases (common cold, HIV, SARS, and more)
• Bruce W. Nelson: You’re no king! (But you’re sure a drama queen)
• Seth Meyers: Late Night White House Briefing
• John Oliver: Coronavirus IV
• Trevor: Трамп attacks the WHO & Kellyanne can’t count to COVID-19
• Seth Meyers: Трамп blames WHO and rushes to “open up America again”
• Stephen: While Трамп plays the blame game, Governors will set the pace on reopening the states
• Bruce W. Nelson: If The Dotard Трамп could sing
• Jimmy Kimmel: Obama endorses biden & Трамп endorses himself
• The Late Show: Germophobic wrestler calls out Florida Governor
• Seth Meyers: John Oliver shares how panicked he feels about coronavirus
• Samantha Bee: Michael Lewis explains why we should have seen the pandemic coming
• Trevor: Is Fauci the sexiest man alive?
• The Daily Show: The missing February section of Трамп’s propaganda video:

• The Late Show: Трамп’s brain is not a metrics guy
• Seth Meyers: Трамп looks to “reopen” the economy after NYT coronavirus bombshell
• J-L Cauvin: The Dotard Трамп vs The Rock—Is WWE an essential business?
• Bruce W. Nelson: Hail To the Chief, a modern parody
• Stephen: Give The Dotard a radio show and maybe he’ll stop holding these marathon coronavirus briefings
• Now This: Трамп draws criticism for cutting funds to WHO
• Jimmy Kimmel: George Stephanopoulos & Ali Wentworth on having COVID-19
• WaPo: How Трамп and the World Health Organization ended up on a collision course
• Bill Maher: Bill’s home box office
• The Late Show: President Трамп reveals his internal decision-making metrics
• Seth Meyers: Трамп repeats coronavirus failures in push to “reopen” economy
• Bruce W. Nelson: Nice try!:

• John Di Domenico: Trump says FUCovid!
• Vice News: Kamala Harris—Трамп has abandoned his role as President
• The Daily Show: Human sacrifice, a Fox News special
• Now This: How Dr. Anthony Fauci became America’s doctor
• Stephen: Трамп can lie about his coronavirus record, but people remember his early inaction on the threat
• SNL Weekend Update: Трамп gives coronavirus update
• Robert Reich: Трамп’s failed coronavirus response
• Jimmy Kimmel: Another quarantine monologue
• Seth Meyers: Chris Hayes thinks Трамп’s coronavirus press briefings are dangerous
• Roll Call: Could Трамп force Congress to adjourn to allow for recess appointments?
• Bruce W. Nelson: A Poem for The Dotard Трамп, by Mangy Fetlocks

Tooning Out: Donny Deutsch gives Biden’s campaign a sexy rebrand

Samantha Bee: The Elizabeth Warren emergency reassurance zoom

SNL: Bernie Sanders address the nation.

Taina Asili: La Alegría [The Physical Distancing Remix].

Vice News: The law banning Congressional insider trading isn’t enough to stop it

Seth Meyers: Chris Hayes lays out the worst-case scenario for the 2020 election

Conan interviews Joe Biden’s campaign manager.

Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.

Someone in my building got the Coronavirus. My super put a note under the door that all of the common areas would be deep cleaned yesterday.* So I guess this is the best time to do laundry and check the mail, even though they aren’t necessary for a bit?

And yet, I am stay putting. I also found some green tea in an unexpected place, so now I have a source of caffeine that doesn’t require cutting with milk. So I guess I can hold up for a bit longer without leaving the building.

[Read more…]

My parents’ friend made a bunch of masks and they sent some on to me. So, next time I go out, I will have minimal protection. And maybe will help other people not get whatever I might have. Still, not going out is probably the best.

And washing your hands. So go wash your hands right now.

I get so angry when people in the national media cite Washington bending the curve as good news. I, of course, am very grateful for everyone who is staying inside and everyone who can’t. But people describing 500 dead as good news because it isn’t more just feels off.

Anyway, wash your hands right now.

Stephen: Sen. Bernie Sanders wants voters to be protected in November.

Samantha Bee: How to legislate from home with Rep. Katie Porter.

John Oliver: OAN.

Robert Reich: How CEOs are ruining America

Bill Maher interviews Al Gore on the Climate.

ТрампPlague:

• Seth Meyers: Трамп wants his coronavirus failures to be “quickly forgotten”
• The Late Show: This year, consider praying from home
• Samantha Bee: The Трамп administration isn’t social distancing from its usual B.S.
• Stephen: President Трамп botches pandemic response and shifts coronavirus testing to the states
• Bruce W. Nelson: I’m replacing that old Jesus with my hero, Dotard Трамп
• J-L Cauvin: Трамп’s happy Good Friday!
• Wired: NASA astronaut’s guide to sheltering-in-place
• Jimmy Kimmel: Трамп is optimistic
• Trevor: Why coronavirus is Hitting the Black community hardest
• Seth Meyers: Трамп contradicts experts on coronavirus treatment after months of denial
• Me: Protect yourself going to the grocery store in a pandemic:

• Now This: Obama warned the U.S. to prepare for a pandemic back in 2014
• Francesca Fiorentini: Why it PAYS to be European during COVID-19
• Stephen: Social distancing rules left to the states while Трамп refuses to issue national stay-at-home order
• Mother Jones: Трамп’s press conferences are just infomercials now
• The Daily Show: The Dotard’s best word bracket—THE FINALS
• Trevor: Talking coronavirus with medical professionals & politicians
• Now This: Chris Cuomo opens up about his experience with COVID-19
• Sky News: Black and hispanic people ‘twice as likely to die’ in US from COVID-19
• Bruce W. Nelson: “We’re Talkin’ Trump” blues
• Seth and Amy: Really!?!—McConnell blames impeachment for Трамп’s COVID-19 response
• Lauren Mayer: “Is he really going out again?”

• Mark Fiore: Jared’s coronavirus task force
• Conan: Jesus’s socially distant Easter plans
• Bruce W. Nelson: Трамп will protect us
• The Late Show: Trump won’t be following CDC recommendations on wearing masks in public
• Now This: Трамп had plenty of warnings and still ignored the coronavirus
• Randy Rainbow: ANDY!
• Vox: The big lesson from South Korea’s coronavirus response
• AJ+: Why South Korea’s death rate is Lower than U.S.
• Jimmy Kimmel: Трамп’s a cheerleader
• The New Yorker: How the coronavirus pandemic exposes economic inequality
• Stephen: Pod Save America crew—Трамп’s coronavirus briefings offer dangerous mixed messages
• J-L Cauvin: The Dotard wants to MOVE Easter!:

• Late Night coronavirus PSA
• Lauren Mayer: I love a Governor
• Ari Melber: Трамп fact-checked for dangerous coronavirus claims
• Trevor: Трамп won’t wear mask as U.S nears “Pearl Harbor” moment
• MetalТрамп: Bleed
• The Late Show: A sweaty Mark Esper attempts to defend the firing of a navy captain over his COVID-19 warning
• Bruce W. Nelson: Jared!
• Seth Meyers: Трамп wants everyone to forget he ignored repeated coronavirus warnings
• The Daily Show: The winner of the Трамп’s best word bracket

Full Frontal: True American heroes—Katie Porter’s props.

Roll Call: Three ratings changes put Senate majority within reach for Democrats.

Bill Maher: Rain or shine monologue.

Winlar: Millionaires paid by billionaires:

Tooning Out The News: Season 1 Premiere.

Stephen: Sen. Bernie Sanders, bowing out of the race, gently breaks the news to supporters.

Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.

I am starting to run out of stuff that I can’t replace at Pike Place Market or the corner store. I am currently eating some toast with the last of the Marmite. And I am nearly out of my favorite hot sauce. Both of these are things that I would pick up at the World Market, but it’s closed. I know that I could probably get these things online, but I would prefer not to have delivery people come into the building — that has elderly and immunocompromised people — just so I can get my preferred spread or hot sauce when others are available.

Folks. Keep up the social distancing. It’s tough, but you’re going to get through it. Downtown is still too crowded for me to feel comfortable taking a walk, but in general it seems like we’re doing pretty well. My mother’s friend has been making masks, and apparently some are in the mail for me. That’s probably better than a bandanna.

In any event, please wash your hands right now.

Oh hey, it’s the afternoon and I think that you’re just going to have to accept that this is open threads now.

Anyway, I need to say: Please don’t eat poison. The President is recommending that people eat poison, but it’s a bad idea. Please, please, please do not eat poison. Eat pasta. Or eat rice. Maybe eat lentils. Those are a much better option than poison.

Do, however, wash your hands right now.

Samantha Bee: Stay home and fill out your 2020 census!

Jimmy Fallon: Joe Biden talks quarantine campaigning and COVID-19 response.

Bill Maher: Working from home.

#ТрампPlague:

• Desi Lydic talks to literally the hottest doctor in America
• WaPo: Sean Hannity wants to rewrite history on FAUX’s coronavirus coverage.
• The Late Show: King Kong makes a nonessential visit to the Empire State Building
• Bruce W. Nelson: Don-a-rrhea!
• Vox: Coronavirus is not the flu. It’s worse.
• Trevor: Gun sales are up, jobs are down & Dr. Fauci faces threats
• Stephen: Jonathan Karl is on the front lines of Трамп’s coronavirus press briefings
• Seth Meyers: Трамп brags about his ratings during coronavirus pandemic
• Now This: The Dotard thinks medical professionals are stealing masks.
• J-L Cauvin: Трамп tries to help Georgia
• The Late Show: Bob Dylan sings lengthy songs about U.S. Presidents to help pass the time during the quarantine
• Samantha Bee: Coronavirus for her!
• Bill Maher: New Rule: Worst responder:

• John Oliver: Coronavirus Part III
• Francesca Fiorentini: Is the economy trying to kill us?
• Mark Fiore: Are you smarter than a grownup?.
• Daily Show: The Dotard Трамп—Change we can believe in
• Now This: Brutal political ad calls out Трамп coronavirus testing failures
• Jaboukie Young-White: The search for a coronavirus vaccine
• Bruce W. Nelson: Three cheers for Трамп’s TV ratings!
• WaPo: What Трамп has said about China and the coronavirus
• BuzzFeed: Disaster expert reveals common mistakes of social distancing
• Trevor: The Dotard’s “new tone” on coronavirus
• The Late Show: Трамп claims hospitals are hoarding medical supplies
• Robert Reich: How to prepare for the Трамп recession
• Seth Meyers: Sen. Bernie Sanders discusses COVID-19, Medicare for all and coronavirus stimulus
• Jimmy Dore: DR. Fauci calls Jimmy Dore & is frank:

• J-L Cauvin: Трамп goes golfing during the coronavirus.
• Stephen: America’s obsession with Gov. Cuomo has gone to a weird place
• Now This: Chris Mann’s quarantine parody of Adele’s “Hello”
• Mother Jones: The Трамп administration ignored Warren’s and Murray’s pandemic preparedness questions in 2018
• OPR: Jesus Christ cancels return to earth amid pandemic
• Daily Show: Trump’s new coronavrius strategy
• Wired: Dr. Seema Yasmin debunks 10 coronavirus myths
• Full Frontal: An honest coronavirus briefing from the White House
• Trevor chats with Bill Gates on fighting coronavirus
• Bruce W. Nelson: Now has come the time
• J-L Cauvin: Трамп takes action for Louisiana.
• Trevor: Leadership during coronavirus—Where Does Трамп stack up?
• Lauren Mayer: When Gramma braved the line at Costco:

• Stephen: Speaker Nancy Pelosi on how we go forward has to have transparency and accountability
• Lars von Retriever: Metal Трамп—Down with the Sickness (disturbed)
• Trevor: The Dotard Трамп—“Tiger King” President
• Stephen Colbert and John Oliver on Трамп’s coronavirus response
• Jimmy Fallon: “Weird Al” Yankovic turns “One More Minute” into a social distancing anthem
• Now This: Why abortion should not be limited during the COVID-19 pandemic
• The New Yorker: Why social distancing is our best chance at beating coronavirus
• Bruce W. Nelson: The devil has come
• Seth Meyers with some coronavirus news
• The Late Show: Трамп unveils the latest medical testing technology
• J-L Cauvin: Helpful Трамп says to follow Dr. Fauci
• Trevor: Gavin Newsom on handling the coronavirus in California

Full Frontal: You’ve never seen anything like this.

Bill Maher chats with Sen. Bernie Sanders

Samantha Bee: The 2020 election—What do you have to lose?

Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.

The State stay at home order has been extended to May. That is going to be tough for a lot of people. And may well be extended further.

Downtown Seattle sidewalks are still too cramped to do much walking. So I am mostly stuck in a studio apartment. But I still have work, and am doing OK.

Please wash your hands.

Another afternoon thread.

I usually work 8:30 to 4:30 because of my public transit situation. Most of the rest of the office is 9:00 to 5:00. I have continued to start at 8:30 even though my desk is literally 10 feet away from my bed, and I can walk it.

Anyway, wash your hands.

How is everyone holding up? I am going a bit stir crazy. I look out my window and I want to yell “6 feet” to people standing close to each other, or God forbid sharing a cigarette. I assumed that I would eventually be the person who yells at the kids from my window, but I am 20 years ahead of schedule.

Anyway, wash you hands right now.

BuzzFeed: The 2020 census explained by puppies and kittens.

Winlar: GFOAD:

The Dotard Трамп And Other Agents Of Death:

• The Daily Show: Трамп’s best word bracket—Round 3
• Bruce W. Nelson: Social distance has weakened my resistance
• Minute Physics: How to tell if we’re beating COVID-19
• Trevor: Dr. Fauci answers questions about coronavirus
• Now This: Arizona man dies after trying Трамп-suggested coronavirus “cure”
• Seth Meyers: White House and Senate reach deal on coronavirus stimulus package
• Rachel Maddow: Fighting COVID-19
• Chris Hayes: If there are not sufficient ventilators, people will needlessly die
• Lauren Mayer: Teaching at home
• Daily Show: PSA for the unwanted groceries
• Jonathan Mann: Let all the old people die:

• Wired: ER doctor explains how they’re handling COVID-19
• Trevor: States enforce quarantines to discourage travel
• Now This: Survivor recalls 1918 flu pandemic that killed 50 million people globally
• Mark Fiore: Grand Ol’ Death Cult.
• The Daily Show: The gift that keeps on giving—Love toilet paper
• PSA: Stay the fuck at home!
• Bruce W. Nelson: The COVID dance, opus 19
• Seth Meyers: Трамп lashes out as Americans remain under lockdown
• Trevor: Трамп & the “cure worse than the problem” debate
• Now This: Viral poem describes living through the coronavirus pandemic
• J-L Cauvin: The Dotard Трамп vs God on Easter
• Samantha Bee: COVID-19 is the world’s worst coworker
• Daily Show: Remembering when coronavirus was contained
• Vice News: Трамп spent months saying everything is fine as U.S. coronavirus cases skyrocketed
• Randy Rainbow: social distance

• The Daily Show: Bleeping The Dotard’s lies
• Mother Jones: Трамп vs actual world leaders during a global pandemic
• Seth Meyers: Трамп fights with governors & reporters over coronavirus response
• Jordan Klepper versus Трамп supporters
• The New Yorker: How the coronavirus pandemic compares to the Spanish flu
• Samantha Bee: The episode of ER no one asked to be a part of
• Vox: Why paid sick leave is essential to beating coronavirus
• Trevor: Faster tests, postponed Olympics & states on lockdown
• Vice News: Трамп’s dangerous and racist coronavirus name game
• Jonathan Mann: Gimme shelter in place
• Seth Meyers: Трамп wants to reopen America as coronavirus pandemic accelerates
• The Daily Show: Coronavirus briefings are the new Трамп rally
• J-L Cauvin: Mike Pence and The Dotard Трамп press conference
• Trevor: Трамп’s big plan to “pack churches” on Easter

Full Frontal: Shocking—Democrats negotiate with Mitch McConnell using his favorite move.
Roll Call: Congressional hits and misses of the week.

Twenty-Twenty Vision:

• Jimmy Kimmel: An interview with Vice President Joe Biden
• Full Frontal: Furry politics
• The Daily Show: FAUX News is very concerned about this presidential candidate’s brain

Full Frontal: Women of Congress dunking highlights

Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.

I did it again. Late Open Thread. I am giving myself permission to fail, and as such am fine with this. I have another good week at work, and then may get my hours reduced. Hope the unemployment is good if that comes. My landlord is still flexible and I will definitely be good on that for a while.

Wash your hands right now.

Sorry! The days are kind of blending together and I can’t write this on my commute. Go wash your hands right now.