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#WomensMarch

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Across the U.S. today, people are marching in support of women. Why? Because we now have a government run by assholes who are openly hostile to women.

Exhibit one: The pussy-grabber-in-chief. That’s right, we are living in bizarro-world where the so-called leader openly boasts about using his position to sexually assault women or walk in on young women changing clothes at their workplace. It’s disgusting.

Americans are responding:

Women’s marches across the U.S. (@billmckibben)

Women’s march brings far more people to D.C. than Drumpf’s inauguration. Sad!

Here in Seattle we have the “Womxn’s March on Seattle” that starts with a rally at Judkins Park, followed by a march to Seattle Center at 11am. Something like 30,000 people are expected to participate. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is an underestimate.

Judkins Park (@KIRO7Seattle)

Judkins Park (@fwd2utopia)

To join the demonstration, check out this information.

Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza!

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Trevor with Cecile Richards: The high cost of defunding Planned Parenthood.

Rick Perry’s “oops!” moment with Sen. Al Franken.

2016: Warmest year on record.

And the Justice Said to the Philandering Sociopath, “You’re In!”

Bill Maher with Jimmy Kimmel: Bill’s number one concern.

What you need to know about the 2018 Senate landscape.

With Grace and Humility, Obama Departs:

Presidential Training Video.

Ezra Klein: Republicans have one major problem on ObamaCare.

Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.

Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza!

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Pap: Racist Republicans target minorities in Georgia.

Jeff’s earth.

Adam Ruins everything: Electric cars aren’t as green as you think:

White House: West Wing Week.

2016 Was Fucking Insane!

Young Turks: Oops! Professional asshole Carl Paladino didn’t mean to PUBLICLY post racist comments.

Chris Hayes: Mega racist and Drumpf campaigner Carl Paladino fired from School Board for being a fucking racist.

Epic Rap Battles of History: Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill:

Ari Melber: FAUX News reports FAKE NEWS about Food Stamp fraud.

Minute Physics: The No Cloning Theorem.

The Sexual Assaulting, Putin Loving, Walking, Talking Conflict of Interest:

Sam Seder: Lawrence Lessig on why the Electoral College has got to go!

PsychoSuperMom: Eight is better than one.

White House: Rare look inside where Obama lives at the White House.

Newzoids: Putin’s Top Gun:

Alex Lawson with Nancy Altman: The GOP’s plot to kill Medicare starts Jan. 3rd!

Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.

How the Kvetch Stole Chanukah

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Every Joo
Down in Joo-ville
Liked Chanukah as such…

But the Kvetch,
Who lived just north of Joo-ville,
… not so much.

The Kvetch hated Chanukah, the whole Chanukah season.
Now don’t ask me why. What? Should I know the reason?
It could be he wasn’t a mensch, that is all.
Or his petzel, perhaps, was two sizes too small.
Such meshug’as comes from one thing or another,
But like most Joo-ish boys, we should just blame his mother!

But,
The reason, whatever,
His mom or his putz,
The Kvetch hated Chanukah. Oy, what a yutz!
For he knew every Joo down in Joo-ville tonight
Was busy preparing menorahs to light.

“And they’re giving out gelt!” he sighed as he said
“I need waxy chocolate like holes in my head!”
Then he nervously whined as his fingers tapped horas,
“I MUST stop the Joos from igniting menorahs!”

For,
The Kvetch knew that soon…

… All the Joo girls and boys
Would say the baruch’ha, then unwrap their toys!
And then! Oh, the oys! Oh, the Oys! Oys! Oys! Oys!
If it’s not what they wanted, the OYS! OYS! OYS! OYS!

Then the Joos, young and old, would sit down for a nosh.
And they’d nosh! And they’d nosh!
And they’d NOSH! NOSH! NOSH! NOSH!
They would nosh on Joo-latkes, and Gefilte-Joo-Fish,
Which was surely the Kvetch’s least favorite dish!

And THEN
They’d do something
Which made the Kvetch plotz!
Every Joo down in Joo-ville, Bar Mitzvahed or not,
Would sit down together, their proud ponim’s grinning.
Then dreidels in hand, all the Joos would start spinning!

They’d spin! And they’d spin!
AND they’d SPIN! SPIN! SPIN! SPIN!
And the more the Kvetch thought of this Joo-Dreidel-Spin,
The more the Kvetch thought, “I can’t let this begin!
“Oy, for fifty-three years I’ve put up with it now!
“Chanukah, Schmanukah! Stop it!
… But HOW?”

Then he got an idea!
And the moment he had,
He said
“I’m no Einstein, but this… not half bad!”

“I know just what to do!” Then he donned an old sheet,
And dug up some sandals to wear on his feet.
“I’m the Prophet Elijiah! They’ve set me a plate!”
(For the Kvetch couldn’t keep Joo-ish holidays straight.)
“The Joos ‘ll oblige ol’ Elijiah, no doubt!
“I will simply walk in. Then I’ll clean the place out!”

“All I need is a camel…”
He looked far and near,
But this wasn’t the desert, and camels are dear.
Did that stop the old Kvetch…?
That pischer? No, never:
“If I can’t find a camel,” the Kvetch said, “…whatever.”
So he called his dog, Max. Then he took an old sack
And he tied a hump onto the front of his back.

THEN
He climbed on this
dog-dromedaryish mammal.
You never have seen
Such a schmuck on a camel.

Then the Kvetch cried “Oy vey!”
As old Max started down
Toward the homes, while the Joos
Where still schmoozing in town.

All their driveways were empty. Just SUV tracks.
All the Joos were out last-minute-shopping at Saks,
As he rode to a not-so-small house on old Max.
“It’s a good thing I brought” the old Prophet Kvetch thought,
“All these bags with to stuff all the stuff the Joos bought.”

Then he looked at the chimney. It seemed quite a stretch
That a fat goy like Santa could fit, thought the Kvetch,
“Still, the goyim believe stranger things, that’s for sure.”
Then the Kvetch shrugged his shoulders, and walked through the door
Where the little Joo dreidels were all strewn about.
“These dreidels,” he grinned, “are the first to go out!”

And he schvitzed, as he shlepped, with an odor unpleasant,
Around the whole house, as he took every present!
Barbie dolls! Mountain bikes! Brios! And blocks!
Pokemon! GameBoys! And all of that shlock!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then his arms spread akimbo,
He shlepped all the bags, one by one, out the wimbo!

Then he shlepped to the kitchen. He took every dish.
He took the Joo-latkes. The Gefilte-Joo-Fish.
He cleaned out the Sub-Zero so nimbly and neat,
Careful to separate dairy from meat.
Then he shlepped the Joo-nosh right out the front door-a.
“And NOW!” kvelled the Kvetch, “I will shlep the menorah!”

And he grabbed the menorah, and started to shlep on,
When he heard a whine, like a cat being stepped on.
He spun ‘round with shpilkes, and coming his way,
It was Ruth Levy-Joo, who was two, if a day.

The Kvetch had been caught by this small shaina maidel,
Who’d been watching TV on her big RCA’dle.
“The Prophet Elijiah?” she quizzed the old fool,
“You visit on Pesach, they taught us in shul.”

And although the old Kvetch was surprised and confused,
It’s not hard to lie to a girl in her twos.
“Bubbeleh… sweatheart…” he started his tale,
“Your dad paid full price, when this all was on sale!
“And like any good merchant, I just want to please ya.
“I’ll ring it up right, then I’ll refund your VISA.”

Then he patted her tush. Put a Barney tape in.
And she spaced-out as fast as the spindle could spin.
And as Ruth Levy-Joo watched her mauve dinosaura,
HE went to the door and shlepped out the menorah!

Then the match for the shamas
Was last to be filched!
Then he shlepped himself out to continue his pillage.
On the walls he left nothing at all. Bubkes. Zilch.
And the one speck of food
That he left in the house
Was a matzoh ball even too dense for a mouse.

Then
He did the same schtick
In the other Joo’s houses.

Leaving knaidlach
Too dense
For the other Joo’s mouses!

It was quarter to dusk…
All the Joos, still at Saks,
All the Joos, still a-shmooze
When he packed up old Max,
Packed him up with their presents! The gelt and the dreidels!
The chotchkes and latkes! The knish and the knaidels!

He hauled it all up to his condo in haste!
(A Grinch might have dumped it, but why go to waste?)
“Shtup you!” to the Joos, the Kvetch loudly cheered,
“They’re finding out Chanukah’s cancelled this year!
“They’re just coming home! I know just what they’ll say!
“They’ll ask their homeowners insurance to pay,
“Then the Joos down in Joo-ville will all cry OY VEY!”

“All those Oys,” kvelled the Kvetch,
“Now THIS I must hear!”
So he paused. And the Kvetch put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising up from the shtetl.
It started to grow. Then the Kvetch grew unsettled…

Why the sound wasn’t sad,
It was more like the noise
Of a UPS trucker
Delivering toys!

He stared down at Joo-ville!
And then the Kvetch shook,
As truck after truck
Replaced all that he took!

Every Joo down in Joo-ville, the Golds and the Steins,
Re-ordered their presents by going online!

Chanukah HADN’T been cancelled!
IT CAME!
…On UPS trucks… but it came just the same!

Then the Kvetch, staring down at the gifts where they sat,
Stood kvitching and kvetching: “For this, I did that?
“It came without traffic! It came without tax!
“It came without shopping at Bloomie’s or Saks!”
And he kvetched on and on, til he started to shvitz,
Then the Kvetch thought of something which might make him rich!
“Maybe stores,” thought the Kvetch, “don’t need mortar and bricks.
“Maybe toys can be bought with a few well-placed clicks!”

And what happened then…?
Well… in Joo-ville they say
That the Kvetch raised
Ten million in venture that day!
And the minute his web site was ready to go,
He raised ten billion more on his new IPO!
He sold back the toys to the homes they came from!
And he…

… he the Kvetch…!
Founded YA-JOO.COM!

©2000 by David Goldstein
All rights reserved

[An HA holiday tradition (and with perfect timing what with the first night of Chanukah and Christmas Eve lining up this year), with apologies to the late, great Dr. Seuss—but not to those greedy, litigious bastards at Dr. Seuss Enterprises, LLC. So there. Happy Christmukah.]

Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza!

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Mental Floss: 21 things that turned 21 in 2016

Samantha Bee: Democrats in the Wilderness.

Adam Ruins Everything: The truth about the McDonald’s coffee lawsuit:

Conan: Keegan-Michael Key on playing Luther & meeting Obama.

Jimmy Kimmel: The YEAR in unnecessary censorship.

President Elect Donald “Serial-Philander-Sociopath-Racist” Drumpf:

The dark history of gay conversion therapy.

Vsauce: Spinning.

2016: The year the world went crazy.

White House: West Wing Week.

Stephen and friends: It’s the end of the year as we know it:

The HOSTILE Transfer of Power:

Liberal Viewer: FAUX News hates San Francisco? (Sanctuary city policy.)

Young Turks: Republicans are after your Social Security.

Three-D view of climate change gas.

Samantha Bee: Ms. Robot.

Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.

Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza!

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Farron Cousins: Repealing ObamaCare could kill 36,000 people per year.

Kimmel: The Christmas Wall.

Slate: What dinosaurs really looked like.

PsychoSuperMom: If there’s a war on Christmas, Christmas is winning:

All-Wrong:

Stephen: Family meeting with Joe Biden.

White House: West Wing Week.

Samantha Bee: Eroding electoral confidence.

Mental Floss: 16 myths about blindness.

The Sexual Preditor, Sociopath, Racist President-Elect:

Stephen: Will Joe Biden run in 2020?

Young Turks: Ohio destroys reproductive rights.

Trevor: Making sense of the Electoral College:

Sam Seder: Corey Lewandowski appears on Hannity propaganda vehicle to announces victory in fake war on X-mas.

Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.

Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza!

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Daily Show: R.I.P. Facts.

David Pakman: The truth about the alt-right.

Young Turks: The Emails Mike Pence doesn’t want you to see.

Adam ruins everything: The Shocking Way Private Prisons Make Money:

Common Ground: The game we can all agree on.

Jonathan Mann: Fight These Fucking Nazis Right Now.

The Serial Philanderer, Con Man, Putinophile, President Elect:

Farron Cousins: Glenn Beck attacks alt-right, forgetting he helped create it.

Trevor interviews Wesley Lowery, author of “They Can’t Kill Us All”.

Geologist’s nightmare.

Jonathan Mann: Recount!

PsychoSuperMom: I’m not a scientist:

Thom: How many Japanese sent to internment camps were US citizens?

Young Turks: Republican gerrymandering ruled unconstitutional

Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.

For the Good of the Nation President Obama Must Martyr Hillary Clinton, Not Pardon Her

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screen-shot-2016-11-15-at-10-59-31-am

Jesus Christ, I just have to take a moment to remark on what is perhaps the stupidest fucking editorial ever from the Seattle Times, a newspaper that has turned stupid fucking editorials into a veritable art form:

PRESIDENT Obama should pre-emptively pardon Hillary Clinton to protect her and the United States from a vindictive, showboat prosecution by the incoming Trump administration.

No, NO, NO… President Obama should not pardon Hillary Clinton under any circumstance! A pardon would be understood by the vast majority of Americans both as an admission of guilt and as conclusive evidence of endemic corruption in the Democratic establishment! How fucking stupid can the Seattle Times be not to see the politics of the situation through to its logical conclusion?

While I understand and even agree with the editorial board’s impulses (“The danger to America is not Clinton’s freedom but in having a presidency that even threatens to use its power for vendettas and jailing opponents”), it is far too late for such democratic high-mindedness. The threat has already been made! And the American people (well, the Electoral College) rewarded Trump for it with the White House. Obama pardoning Clinton would only embolden and enrage the trumpenproletariate, while freeing Chancellor Trump from the responsibility of fulfilling one of his most disturbing campaign promises.

Rather, cold political calculus tells us that we must let Trump be Trump. We must not allow him to escape this defining moment. He must either demonstrate to his base the weakness that is at the vile heart of all tyrants, or demonstrate to the world how little he honors the rule of law, let alone our nation’s two-and-a-quarter centuries of peaceful transfer of power.

A Clinton show trial would no doubt be a shock to the American psyche and a permanent scar on our nation’s world standing. But so would the show trials of Clinton underlings that would no doubt ensue should the Trump regime be denied its promised revenge (a Clinton pardon should be a sign for Huma Abedin to flee the country). It may be too late to avoid this trauma. But at least it would finally and totally rip away the fiction that there is anything normal about the alt-right regime that has seized the White House.

If Trump prosecutes Clinton, he turns her into a martyr of the democratic resistance. But if President Obama pardons Clinton, he transforms the two of them into political villains against which the Republicans will effectively run for decades to come. It isn’t fair. It isn’t comforting. But that is the America in which we now all live.

It is also an America that newspapers like the Seattle Times helped create through their endless coverage of the trumped up email witch hunt, and a shameful campaign of false equivalency that now trivializes “go hang yourself” and “go back to India” as mere “complaints” while characterizing Breitbart’s obvious and indisputable white nationalism as a mere he-said/she-said allegation of “critics say“—the critics explicitly othered on the paper’s front page as “angry … Jewish and Muslim groups.”

Like most of the rest of media, the Trump-normalizing Seattle Times has surrendered the moral authority to even report the news, let alone comment upon it. It does not matter if the editorial board’s motives were good: their advice is more than just wrong, it is dangerous.

The sole purpose of a free press is to safeguard democracy. On this the Seattle Times and the rest of the old guard news media utterly failed. So please, Seattle Times, for the sake of our nation, shut the fuck up before you do more harm.

Poll and prediction postmortem podcast

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curmudgeonscornerLast Thursday, I was a guest on the Curmudgeon’s Corner podcast post-election edition. The host, Sam Minter, does his own polling aggregation site at ElectionGraphs.com. Along with co-host Iván Bou, we discuss the polling results from the election, our own final predictions and how they fared with other such sites for the first part of the podcast.

For the second part of the podcast, we explored the causes and consequences of the “greatest upset in electoral history,” and examine some possible responses to a single-party government.

Listen to the podcast here.

Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza!

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Stephen with the WERD: Debt Offensive.

Funny or Die: Hey New Hampshire, let’s vote! with Ben Affleck.

Young Turks: Sheriff Joe Arpaio charged with criminal contempt.

Epic Rap Battle: Hillary v. Drumpf.

Sam Seder” Sen. Mark Kirk blurts out racist comment about opponent Tammy Duckworth during debate

Samantha Bee: UN Tour.

WaPo: Eleven women who broke barriers in Washington D.C..

Mental Floss: 25 life hacks for Halloween.

The 2016 Sexual Offender Clown Show:

Challenging, frustrating, fantastic: Life as a woman in the White House.

Roll Call: Election forecast with 2 weeks to go.

President Obama on VOTING.

Key of Awesome: (Hamilton Parody) Hillary Rodham Clinton!:

Clinton Makes History:

Kimmel: 500 weeks of Unnecessary Censorship.

Young Turks: Is FBI’s James Comey trying to manipulate the election?

John Oliver: Opioids.

Samantha Bee: First: Do No Harm. Second: Do No Pussy Stuff.:

How Hollywood views the women of Washington D.C.

Hillary Makes History:

Funny or Die: Hey America, let’s vote! with Judd Apatow.

Honest political ads: You’re fucked.

Farron Cousins: Ted Cruz proves that Republicans are whiny toddlers.

Trevor Noah: ObamaCare.

Newt “Cheating On My Wives For America” Gingrich:

Adam Conover joins Stephen to ruin things.

White House: West Wing Week.

2,000 Seattle teachers unite in solidarity with #BlackLivesMatter.

Obama and Kimmel: Waking up.

Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.

()pen Thread

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I’ve never really understood why our increasingly Democratic state still has a Republican Sec of State. And has had one for ever. But at least with most of the previous ones, they never seemed to have their hand on the scale. Sure, sometimes they’d propose bad ideas like only counting ballots received by election day.

Now though, it seems every day there’s some new fuckery from Wyman’s office.

Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza!

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Stephen helps Obama polish his résumé.

John Oliver: Third Parties.

Captain Khan:

Alternatino: An interview with Mussolini.

Colbert: Julian Assange cannot leak any more emails.

Minute Physics: How entropy powers the earth.

The 2016 Alt-Right Sexual Predator Show:

Mental Floss: 26 facts about the science of family.

A Woman’s Guide to the White House.

Kimmel’s week in unnecessary censorship.

Colbert: Pretty much everybody was on Hillary Clinton’s list of potential VPs.

Bill Maher: A bone to pick with undecided voters.

This is Your Debate on Drugs:

White House: West Wing Week.

On October surprises.

Stephen considers fleeing America.

Undecided voters.

Ohio for President.

Kimmel: A message from Canada to America.

Trevor: Clinton’s leaked emails.

Robert Reich: How Democrats take back the Senate.

Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.

Debate Three Open Thread

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Okay…here we go. Debate three has the potential to be insane. Please discuss.

[5:45] We have CNN on at the Roanoke Park Place Tavern. The banner says “BREAKING: Debate to start momentarily”. “Breaking”??? I don’t think so.

6:05: Play ball!

6:08: “My opponent said bad things about me and millions of people.” What the fuck is Trump babbling about. The question is about the Supreme Court!

6:10: Oooohhhh…he is talking about a Justice (bad audio here). Still…totally off-track to bring this up. Make him look petty as fuck.

6:19: Except for Trumps little tangent about Ginsburg, this is a pretty ordinary debate. Oops…Trump’s turn.

6:22: We have The Sniff.

6:24: Please, Hillary, no anecdotes.

6:25: Hillary is starting to troll Trump. Waiting for a Trump Sniff…er…meltdown.

6:27: Trump Tower built with undocumented workers–Clinton trolls again. Trump keeps it under control.

6:30: Wallace gets pissed at Clinton and he abandons his impartial role and points out her with bank speaker fees. Pathetic!

6:32: Donald is starting to go CRAZY with the SNIFFS! He’s rattled! Point Clinton!

6:33: Trump goes NUTZ!!!

6:35: Trump claims Clinton has been outsmarted worse than anyone ever. Of course…she beating him….

6:36: Clinton trolls over nuclear codes…Sniffles to follow.

6:37: Chris Wallace should ask candidates about their views instead of stating their views…

6:40: Why does Trump deny knowing his “stablemate”, Putin?

6:42: True fact: In 2008, Clinton stated in a debate against Obama, that she would renegotiate NAFTA.

6:47: Trump, “I pass factories”. Yep…Big Asshole!

6:49: Clinton trolls Trump again with shipping jobs to Mexico. He sniffs.

6:57: “Nobody has more respect for women than I do.” The pub breaks out laughing.

6:58 Trump claims Clinton lied “hundreds of times to the FBI”. *SNIFF* I think that means he is lying.

7:05: Clinton brings out the big guns, “…hasn’t released his tax returns.”

7:06: “Built with Chinese steel.” Ouch!

7:07: Concession question: Trump, “I’ll look it at the time” Totally disqualifying.

7:09: Trump: Clinton is guilty of a crime. Umm…no she isn’t. We have a constitutionally defined process for making this determination.

7:10: Trump (on no Emmy): “I should-a gotten it!” #whiner #wanker #notserious

7:14: Fortunately, concession is a mere courtesy. It is totally unnecessary, although it sends a terrible message to the people.

7:17: Clinton points out Trump supported Iraq. He barks “wrong” twice in the exact same place he did last debate!!!

7:18: Clinton trolls Trump until he just blows up! Starts babbling.

7:19: Okay…now Trump is debating Chris Wallace. Cool.

7:20: 🎼 ♫ If you’ve ever seen Aleppo clap your hands. ♪

7:26: I wonder if Trump thinks GDP stands for “Good Damn P***Y”

7:27: “…and the unicorns will, once again, roam the great plains.”

7:31 :Trump has no clue about the issues facing Social Security.

7:32: Trump says he is happy that health insurance premiums are going up. #gofuckyourself

7:37: Trump: “All she has done is talk to THE African Americans” #ThatsHowRacistsTalk

Conclusion: all anyone is going to talk about is Donald’s refusal to commit to concession. But the fact is, this is the least important thing about this debate. Concession is a tradition, but has no legal or constitutional meaning. It is just a convention and courtesy. The only person who will suffer from a lack of concession will be Mr. Trump.

I hope the media and social media gets past this and talks about important things.

Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza!

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Seth Meyers: Joe and Jill Biden.

White House Watch: The sniff test.

Minute Physics: Where does complexity come from?

The GOP Sexual Predator Show:

Slate: FAUX News didn’t air Michelle Obama’s speech.

John Oliver on Guantánamo.

The Oval Office guide to sexual harassment.

Chris Hayes: Idiot Limbaugh thinks the “Left” is obsessed with consent.

Four Weeks To Go: Top Senate challengers and vulnerable House incumbents

Clinton versus The G(r)OP(er):

White House: West Wing Week.

Young Turks: Giuliani claims Clinton wasn’t there after 9/11, except there is a photo of them.

Kimmel: The week in unnecessary censorship.

Mental Floss: 29 spin-offs that almost happened.

Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.

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