HorsesAss.Org

HorsesAss is no longer a toddler…at seven, it has entered its childhood years.

It all started on May 10th, 2004, with a post titled Comedy is easy, politics is hard. (This is one of the rare instances where Goldy ended his title with a full stop.)

Last year, a reporter asked me why I thought so many people were willing to donate time and money to what was obviously a joke initiative. I glibly replied that politics was boring, and that my “horse’s ass” initiative gave people the opportunity to get involved, while having a little fun at the same time.

Washington state politics is particularly boring — oh not just because it’s full of numbers and legalese and the usual wonkish stuff like that — but because we happen to be blessed with some of the most boring politicians in the nation. There’s a reason a lying, thieving, blowhard like Tim Eyman commands so much media attention: he’s an interesting lying, thieving, blowhard.

Goldy goes on to explain how the relaunch of Horsesass.org as a blog was to create a playground for the puckish Goldy, rather than the serious (and somewhat boring) David:

Now I know some might find this split between the politically prankish Goldy and the politically earnest David a little arbitrary… or even weird. So to those upstanding members of the political and media establishment who insist I cannot possibly expect to maintain my credibility as an activist while producing an irreverent and outrageous blog, the Goldy half of me respectfully says: “fuck you.”

Of course, the David half of me effusively apologizes for what the Goldy half just said. There’s absolutely no excuse for that kind of language, and given the opportunity David might attempt to explain to this “haughty, humorless prick” (my words, not his) that he should excuse Goldy as a sort of stage persona, somewhat like Tim Eyman, who publicly portrays himself as a lying, thieving, blowhard, but who in the comfort of his own home, rarely steals anything. David might also privately intimate that Goldy has the emotional maturity of a 13-year-old, and amuses nobody but himself. Or perhaps that he’s insane.

(Or maybe just a tad bit schizophrenic?)

Ahhh…yes. Goldy’s first post and a fuckiferous one at that.

HorsesAss has definitely left its mark on politics, beginning with Goldy’s level-headed and prescient analysis of the Gubernatorial election contest, his investigative post on David Irons’ hands, the post about FEMA cronyism
that exposed the incompetence of the Bush administration and their response to Katrina, the sad story of former Commissioner of Public Lands Doug Sutherland’s well documented sexual harassment of a young DNR employee, and so much more.

Goldy now writes for The Stranger, which is good for Goldy, but maybe not so good for HorsesAss. Speaking for myself…politics and comedy can be damn hard! I know, I know…it shows.

These seven years have produced 9,270 posts, or an average yield of 3.6 posts per day. That’s a lot of bloviating and muckraking!

A defining characteristic of HA has been its comment threads. Early on, HA became a troll magnet, sucking up all of the natsy, stupid, lameass, or just downright crazy wingnut kookballs from the rest of the regional blogosphere (and beyond). Comment threads on other blogs around here were relatively clean as the nutcases got their excretory relief by repeatedly shitting in the HA comment threads.

To date there are about 479,200 comments, averaging a remarkable 52 comments per post. Clearly, the comment threads have served as a creative or emotional outlet for a great number of people beyond the trolls. As a writer, I do draw inspiration from the comment thread participants. Your thoughtful comments have enlightened me and helped me understand issues better. Though I am reluctant to admit it, I sometimes write for the trolls—usually to induce apoplexy cum froth. And my efforts are frequently rewarded with the intended reaction. So thank you readers, comment thread participants and even you asshole trolls!

The seventh Blogoversary of HorsesAss is a celebration for us all!

I think we can all agree with the maxim, always, always, start with a worn out cliche. But I don’t need to tell that to one of the most respected newspaper editors in Seattle history (true fact, kids, you can look it up). Well done Guzzo:

Colonel George Quixby tapped the buzzer at his desk, and in seconds the door to his office opened to let in his secretary, Jean Marshall. She was a sight for sore eyes — or for any eyes, for that matter, and the colonel smiled, as he always did when she entered. They had been a working team for more years than he could count, and he hoped it would go on for ever — as well it might thanks to the latest experiments at the U.S. Science and Space Center he commanded.

Sight for sore eyes, I’m glad they’ll still use that phrase in the future. More important, can Quixby not count very high? My cousin’s kid impressed us all at a Mother’s Day get together with his ability to count to 100, and he’s 4. The next paragraph says they’re 50 and 74, almost 75. So Quixby can’t count half as high as a 2011 4 year old.

Also, we’re a paragraph in and I’m pretty sure Quixby is Dixy, you know, in the future and a man. The only question now: is Guzzo Jean Marshall? OK, another question: how up its own ass can the first page get?

The advances in human living they’d seen in the previous century and the early 2200s might have read like a science-fiction novel to their American neighbors a century or two earlier.

You’re writing it, dummy.

Anyway then someone from Illinois calls to complain about the fact that the Space and Science Center has the same initials as the Nazi SS. Ignoring the center part, I suppose. He threatens to blow the center up (even though it’s in New Mexico) but don’t worry, they soon find out it wasn’t that the person doesn’t like Nazis, it’s that the Space and Science Center made his wife younger, and she left him. Telephones still exist in 2220, and they can be traced by some random secretary, so that’s awesome. Then Quixby reminisces about the fact that people can live longer and reads that they might be able to live forever. Quixby and Marshall talk about how good it will be to live forever. Jet packs were invented in 2185 because they had just invented hydrogen fuel, so no cars. But don’t worry, the trucking industry still survives, for now:

The colonel paused a moment to draw a deep breath, then continued. “Only the large cargo-carrying vehicles — for example trucks, cargo planes, and cargo ships — survived and, in fact, did very well with the roads and highways all to themselves. Maybe we’ll soon find a way to make them obsolete if our experiments here at the Science Center materialize. Downstairs in the lab our people report their longtime research will soon bear fruit. They are sure they can transmit any solid object molecule by molecule from one site to another — even across oceans. What was once pure science-fiction is now reality.

First off, original ideas for science fiction: Jet packs and transporters. Second, if you’re thinking maybe I took the part where Quixby is most condescending to his secretary, let me assure you that I skipped the part where he calls her (and remember she’s 50) a “good girl.” So, no, explaining that cargo ships carry cargo isn’t as bad as it gets. Third, do planes and ships use roads in the future? Fourth, the most exciting thing that happens in the whole chapter is someone calls in from another state and then someone in that other state talks to him.

Then Quixby takes a nap. End of chapter 1.

[Read more…]

– This post brought back strong memories of doing flash cards with my mother on the train to her parents’ house.

– This is 100% factual.

– Freedom!

– This looks like a hoot, but I’ll be at Drinking Liberally tomorrow.

– I wouldn’t say genius.

– I’m sure glad we voted for a Republican house, or we might never get a vote on this shit.

So, a little background here. Over at the old blog, one of our favorite people to goof on was Lou Guzzo. He wrote strange rants about how rock music was ruining things, how billboards were ruining things, and how Democrats not named Dixy Lee Ray were ruining things since FDR turned the party all socialist. Fun stuff. In addition to writing odd columns for his webpage (and before that writing in and editing the P-I!), he’s written several books. This science fiction nonsense looks like it’s the best (I mean worst, obviously) of the lot. I plan to go through it Deeky style over the next several weeks.

Anyway, spoiler alert, I think I have a pretty good idea of the plot based on this post. We’ll dive in shortly, but today, a few thoughts on the book before I start to read: “The Amazing World of Tomorrow: Is It Really Science-Fiction?”

Does he think that we might think the “World of Tomorrow” might not be science fiction? The Amazing World of Tomorrow, is this Really Historical Fiction? wouldn’t work. Anyway, the legal disclaimer clears up the fiction part “All characters in this book are fictions, and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.” So I guess the question: is this science? And I’m going to go ahead and guess the answer: no.

Also, I’m not sure who this book was written for. It’s 100 pages of relatively large type. Perhaps this is supposed to be young adult fiction? I don’t see anything to indicate that Guzzo thinks it’s for young adults, or frankly, knows people exist who were born after 1977 (if I’m generous). Maybe he just ran out of steam.

Last week’s contest was won by Luigi Giovanni. It was Edmonton, Alberta. Thanks to Dan for the link.

Here’s this week’s, the location is related to a movie or a TV show. Good luck and happy Mother’s Day!

VP Biden and Pres. Obama visit troops at Fort Campbell:

Pap and Ed: Dick Cheney helped Pakistani terrorists.

White House: Cinco de Mayo!

News on Wasserman Schultz’s election as DNC Chair.

Osama bin Gotten:

• President Obama has an announcement:
• Maddow on situation room photo.
• Jon: Big Deady.
• Young Turks: Rush credits Obama???
• Barely Political: Obama uncensored on it.
• Thom with John Amato on Bin Laden’s death.
• Newsy: How will this affect the 2012 elections.
• What was Obama thinking at the White House correspondence dinner (via Crooks and Liars)?
• Thom: Where is the death certificate?
• Cenk: FAUX News latest lie, “liberals are upset about bin Laden’s death”
• Olbermann: Special comment on the death of OBL
• Young Turks: Glenn Beck’s nutty conspiracy theories.
• Thom on the death of bin Laden & its impact on US/Middle East relationships.
• Bush reacts to OBL’s death (via Crooks and Liars):
  
• Newsy: Was bin Laden’s burial kosher?
• Thom: Should Bin Laden have had a Muslim burial?
• Liberal Viewer: Obama getting Osama proves O’Reilly wrong?
• Mark Fiore: So long, and good riddance!
• Young Turks: Obama was right about Pakistan.
• Ed: The only credit Bush deserves is a life term…
• Sam Seder: How much did Pakistan know?
• Newsy: The team that took out bin Laden.
• Jon: To Kill a Mockingturd – Pakistani Intelligence (via OneGoodMove).
• Young Turks: How Republicans try to take credit away from Obama
• Obama lays a wreath at Ground Zero.

Newsy: The pat down heard around the world.

ONN: Predator drone cortmartialed for Afghani civilian deaths.

Pap with Brad Friedman: US Chamber — A modern day mafia.

Osama/Obama Gaffes:

• Obama out to kill Obama.
• President Obama is dead!

Maddow: G.O.P. defends big oil subsidies.

Second City: Atlas Shrugged, Pt. II

Young Turks: Michele Bachmann blames Obama for her dumbass mistake.

Photo Finish:

• Newsy: Should photos be released?
• Jon on the photograph.
• Newsy: Photos will not be released.

O’Donnell: God & same-sex marriage.

Young Turks: G.O.P. abandons Ryan’s Medicare plan.

Sam Seder: Reagan raised taxes says Reagan’s budget director.

Second City: Obama 2012–NEW AD!:

Dems picked the right person.

ONN: Obama befriends rich elderly widow in hopes she will put nation in her will.

FAUX News boots G.O.P. presidential hopefulls

Pap: The Ayn Rand disease on America.

Torture Chronicles:

• Young Turks: Torture not used to find bin Laden.
• Sam Seder: Nope…torture wasn’t involved.
• Young TurksFAUX host mocks torture.
• Amy Goodman: In fact torture slowed down USA efforts to find Osama
• Young Turks: Rummy flip-flops on torture.

Thom: We are in the cancer stages of Reaganism.

White House: West Wing Week.

Sam Seder: Bush passes on ground zero invite.

The First G.O.P. Presidential Debate:

• Sam Seder: The G.O.P. presidential debate.
• Young Turks: The ‘dumb bigot’ presidential candidate.
• Maddow: Ron Paul weird
• Sam Seder: Herman Cain at the 2012 G.O.P. presidential debate and a response to Ron Paul supporters
• FAUX News’ canned GOP debate segment.

Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.

Brendan Kiley’s feature article in The Stranger on SPD’s long and expensive undercover sting within Seattle’s alternative community is an incredible piece of work. And it’ll be the first thing I point to the next time SPD complains that they need to hire more officers. I’ll believe it when they finally stop spending millions of taxpayer dollars on pointless fishing expeditions like that.

– Dear Sarah Palin,

Don’t try to use a semicolon; you’ll only embarrass yourself. And yes, the odd punctuation is like the 4th worst thing about this tweet.

Love, Carl.

– This is the most depressing story I’ve read in a long time (hat tip here and here, it’s the story of a rape, and while the link isn’t gratuitous or sensationalist, it may be triggering or not safe for work).

– And speaking of things that make me sad for Texas high school kids, what ABL said.

– I’m surprised this happened so in the open.

– This looks like a lot of fun, Tacoma people.

The Seattle Times has an opinion piece* claiming “Washington Legislature should get serious about budget solutions.” Then they proceed to act like spoiled assholes.

THE value of the two-thirds requirement to pass a tax bill is amply demonstrated by most of the revenue bills offered in Olympia.

The value of writing in the active voice has never been demonstrated by The Seattle Times.

There are a few exceptions. Being heard Wednesday is Senate Bill 5947, sponsored by Sen. Tracey Eide, D-Federal Way. This would repeal the sales-tax exemption for bull semen and fuel for heating chicken coops. We have been hearing Democrats talk for years about these breaks as if they were big and important. The Republicans should do the gracious thing and vote yes. The bill, however, raises only $5 million a year, which is about two ten-thousandths of the state budget.

The Republicans won’t. Because they fuck bulls and are worried about having to pay taxes. There, I said it. Prove me wrong, Republicans, but as long as you vote against this tax hike that even The Seattle Times supports, that must be why.

Anyway, The Seattle Times calls in their headline for the Leg to “get serious” and then throws out a misleading number. Who cares what percent of the budget we’re dealing with? Tell us the percent of the budget hole. That, while still a small amount, comes to much more (the special session is to fill the budget hole, after all).

Also being heard is SB 5945, sponsored by Sen. Phil Rockefeller, D-Bainbridge Island. It raises $245 million a year. But it raises all preferential rates of the business-and-occupation tax by 25 percent, whether the preferences make sense or not. It wipes out a preference for first mortgages. This bill raises 50 times more revenue than the first one, and is much more difficult to justify.

A serious discussion demands that we reinflate the housing bubble while we cut Basic Health, K-12 Education, and Higher Ed. Anyway, they go on, with the same nonsense mentioning a proposed tax increase and then saying something stupid. Why call for a serious discussion and then not even try for seriousness?

[Read more…]

The world’s worst editorial board just barfed all over the internet again. Let’s see if we can tally up the inaccurate statements and complete nonsense in their latest embarrassment.

Washington’s carefully restricted policy on medical marijuana – enacted by voters in 1998 – got along fine for 10 years without attracting much notice from the U.S. Justice Department.

No, it didn’t. In fact, it got along so poorly that most patients struggled to find a reliable source of medicine, patients who tried to grow for themselves often got fucked, and those who tried to provide for others out of a sense of compassion were putting themselves at significant risk. The law was a gesture of compassion by voters that was never followed up with a workable system.

[Read more…]

As I’ve mentioned, I’m currently doing a lot of work with Sensible Washington and the I-1149 campaign. Here’s their latest press release, which I put together:

Last week, Governor Gregoire dealt a huge blow to tens of thousands of Washington’s most vulnerable citizens. By partially vetoing the proposed medical marijuana bill, the governor shut down a slowly emerging industry that was providing safe access to medicine for cancer and AIDS patients, multiple sclerosis sufferers, and those dealing with severe pain. As a result, criminal gangs are now poised to reclaim the market, bringing more violence to our streets, greater dangers to our children, and making it unnecessarily difficult for the sick and terminally ill to get the medicine that their doctors authorize. The governor’s stated reason for leaving us in this mess was that she feared the federal government’s response.

Fifty years ago, the Civil Rights Movement saw the federal government use its power to overturn injustices being carried out by the states. Today, the fight for sane and sensible marijuana laws has turned that dynamic on its head.

You can read the rest here. Sensible Washington is really the only reform effort happening this year, so if you want to see change soon, now’s the time to get involved.

Sen. Maria Cantwell (D-WA) is facing re-election and a new Elway poll takes the pulse of the electorate. Josh at Publicola writes.

First the bad news for U.S. Sen. Maria Cantwell, who’s up for reelection next year: A new Elway poll finds her “Job Performance” rating at 52 percent “negative” to 42 percent “positive.” (It was nearly the exact opposite in 2005, also a year out from reelection, when her numbers were 52 positive vs. 38 negative.)

The good news?

The GOP doesn’t have any promising challengers. In Elway’s imaginary open primary against a batch of Republicans including: U.S. Rep. Dave Reichert; former KIRO TV anchor Susan Hutchison; Tea Party activist Clint Didier; and Port Commissioner Bill Bryant—Cantwell wins big with 47 percent of the vote.

And that pretty much guarantees Cantwell a spot on the November ballot.

You may recall that Cantwell beat Mike McGavick 56.9% to 39.9% in 2006. Clearly, she can do a lot worse in 2012 and still come out on top. And as flawed as McGavick was, it is not clear that the Republicans have anyone better in the wings. Let’s explore some other polling results for Cantwell in order to better frame the Elway poll.

Survey USA has collected a series of polls from May 2005 until the last poll taken from 16-18 April 2011:

On May 10 of 2005, the first poll on the graph, Cantwell had an approval of 45% and a disapproval of 35%. The most recent poll has her at 49% approval to 40% disapproval. The spread is about the same, but her approval and disapproval are higher in the recent poll because there are fewer undecided folks now.

Clearly, after that May 2005 poll, Cantwell’s approval increased dramatically and stayed relatively high until the Summer of 2009. Since then Cantwell’s approval has been more volatile. Six of the last 20 polls since then show her with higher disapproval, but with an overall trend of a higher approval. And given the absence of a strong opponent on the horizon, I am simply unwilling to fret over a single Elway Poll….

– Looks like the NPI fundraiser was a blast.

– I slept through the royal wedding, but this is more or less what I assumed.

– The planets we’re discovering around other stars are pretty amazing.

– Interesting ideas for the Seattle Center.

What are some of the conversations you are likely to hear at the Montlake Ale House tonight? Let’s see…

• Gregoire vetoes the medical-marijuana bill
• The first poll of the 2012 gubernatorial election is out
• OBL is dead
• And Rep. Dennis Kucinich is coming to Washington State?!?

So please join us tonight for an evening of politics under the influence at the Seattle chapter of Drinking Liberally. We meet at the Montlake Ale House, 2307 24th Avenue E. Starting time is 8:00 pm, but feel free to join some of us for an earlier dinner.

Not in Seattle? There is a good chance you live near one of the 223 other chapters of Drinking Liberally.

Just a quick follow-up to yesterday’s post on the request for Rob McKenna to weigh in with his legal opinion on the recently vetoed medical marijuana bill. I just spoke with Rep. Roger Goodman who tells me that Congressman Jay Inslee will be sending a similar letter to Attorney General Eric Holder.

UPDATE: Dominic Holden has the most detailed explanation of why Gregoire’s partial veto is such a disaster. This doesn’t just leave us where we were before. This removes all of the gray area wiggle-room that allowed for progressive prosecutors like Dan Satterberg to allow for some dispensaries to quietly operate. Now, those dispensaries are clearly in violation of state law, meaning that thousands of medical marijuana patients who had access to medicine before this bill passed are likely fucked now.

I met up with Douglas Hiatt for a little bit yesterday afternoon, and he told a story of a woman who once had to rely on her teenage grandson to get marijuana for her at his high school. Governor Gregoire’s veto puts us back in that situation. And it’s not clear she has any interest in fixing it.