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Am I the only one who thinks Jon & Stephen have something up their sly little sleeves in returning to their shows?

1. These guys know really bad comedy. They can spoof really bad comedy. They can flop on demand.

2. Watch for digs at their corporate overlords. They’ll be subtle. But you’ll know ’em when they make ’em.

3. ZombieTV. They’re back! But with little blanderizers embedded into the back of their necks. Pod People cum (new meaning for) Podcasters.

Other speculations? Do we really think they’ll be anywhere near as funny?

The biggest item in the news today is international: the chaos in Pakistan and the complete lack of good options in Washington following the assassination of the Bush administration’s favored pro-Western alternative to the endangered, U.S.-backed dictator Pervez Musharraf.

Locally, as our top story, you’ll be relieved to know that six members of a Carnation area family, shot and killed on Christmas eve, are still dead. Otherwise, the P-I’s three other lead stories were also all either chasing local angles on non-local stories (local Pakistanis react, tigers can’t get out at local zoos) or more follow-ups to old stories (Carnation, the tigers, and the shocking news that the guy who was shot after running onto I-5 Tuesday was “depressed.”)

Over at the Bothell Seattle Times, we learn that “Bremerton woman says generator fumes killed her cat.” Seriously. That’s a story you won’t find in the P-I. Otherwise, it’s pretty much the same: Carnation, Pakistan, I-5 guy. Tune in next Wednesday when the news starts again.

And local television — aww, don’t make me weep. (KIRO-TV, to its, um, credit, did pick up the Bremerton cat story.) At least, in TV and print both, the fatuous year-end stories are coming on thicker and thicker. By Sunday, they may make up the whole paper.

I haven’t read Jonah Goldberg’s new book “Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left, From Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning,” and I probably never will. But I’m amazed that anyone even tried to make the argument he’s trying to make.

One of the main reasons why I started blogging a few years back was because I read Mein Kampf. As hard as it was to read a book that’s not just extremely racist but led to the deaths of people I’m related to, I felt like I had to wrap my head around how something like the Holocaust can happen. To try to compare the sentiments expressed in Mein Kampf to anything you hear on the American left today is a stretch of the imagination that I can’t comprehend. If Goldberg claims to have read Mein Kampf as part of researching his “thesis,” he’s either lying or crazy.

Dave Neiwert does a good job picking apart some basic errors, like pointing out that despite Goldberg’s claims that the Nazi’s were “socialists,” the first people sent by the Nazis to Dachau were actually Socialists and Communists. People who called themselves socialists back then were as close to real socialists as the people who today call themselves conservatives – but believe in starting war after war in the Middle East – are to real conservatives. But the whole book seems to be based upon this very basic error in understanding the history of Nazi Germany.

The Sadly No! crew actually have a copy of the book and have been posting some of the most ridiculous passages. His larger argument is that the desire by liberals and progressives to improve society through government is the direct path to fascism and relates back to the Nazi movement. Now while it’s certainly possible for left-leaning movements to become authoritarian, it’s not what’s happening in America right now, it’s not how fascism evolved in 1930s Germany, and one can really only reach the alternate conclusion if they believe that things like universal health care are more anti-liberty than torture. I think Brad may have located a major part of Goldberg’s mental block:

Giving out free food isn’t fascism. Look, Jonah, I’ve done some research into the matter and have determined that giving out free food is one of the least fascist things a government can do. Call this hyperbole if you will, but if the very worst thing the Nazis had ever done was to give people free food, they’d have probably gone down as the greatest government in history.

When Hitler wrote Mein Kampf, his vision had nothing to do with economics. His vision was pure paranoia, where he blamed the “Jewish press” for weakening support for the war effort during World War I. He viewed the influence of immigrants as a direct threat to the nation. He also railed against pacifists, Communists, capitalists, the ruling class, ethnic minorities, and fellow soldiers who faked injuries to get out of the war. As Germany was subjugated by the victors of WWI in the post-war period, his paranoid outlook found an audience, but his message was never one of socialism, it was of nationalism. In Chapter V of Mein Kampf, he shared his thoughts on what happened during World War I:

After the very first news of victories, a certain section of the press, slowly, and in a way which at first was perhaps unrecognizable to many, began to pour a few drops of wormwood into the general enthusiasm. This was done beneath the mask of a certain benevolence and well-meaning, even of a certain solicitude. They had misgivings about an excess of exuberance in the celebration of the victories. They feared that in this form it was unworthy of so great a nation and hence inappropriate.

The notion that the press (which was of course run by Jews and treasonous Germans) was insufficiently patriotic during the war and had a bias towards pacifism and international institutions like the League of Nations was central to his outlook. It’s the polar opposite of what the American left stands for today, and it’s why comparisons to Ann Coulter and other extreme voices on the authoritarian right aren’t all that far-fetched. At the same time I started blogging back in 2004 and wrote that post, Jonah Goldberg wrote the following:

In the process of debating the merits of publishing, and now continually hyping, the Abu Ghraib photos, I keep hearing that it is contrary to the American journalistic tradition to let patriotism or concern about the negative effects of bad news interfere with coverage. I have no idea where this idea comes from.

You know where the idea comes from, Jonah? It comes from people who’ve actually taken the time to study and to try to understand the roots of fascism, rather than just attempting to draw nonsensical parallels between Hitler and the people who make fun of you on the internet.

I have seen both “Knocked Up” and “Juno”, and I liked both movies. In short, they deal with the sensitive issue of an unexpected pregnancy. Both sets of characters consider abortion, but choose against it. The sexy female TV personality in “Knocked Up” (played by Katherine Heigl) and the 16 year-old high school kid in “Juno” (played by Ellen Page) find serious and tender moments in their respective stories. But, I gotta say, I liked “Juno” more… and so do some anti-choice advocates. What the fuck?

Recently, some conservative media have begun “claiming” these two films as being “anti-abortion.” The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops reviewed “Juno”:

“Juno” (Fox Searchlight) is a smart, funny and ultimately moving comedy-drama with a strong pro-life message.

Hizzah-wha? Really? Lou Lumenick of the NY Post comments:

As someone who is strongly pro-choice, I came away from this movie with exactly the opposite message. True, the pregnant title character decides against having an abortion; she decides to carry the fetus to term and to give it up for adoption. The key word here is that Juno makes a deliberative choice. She makes this decision without consulting with her very supportive parents. They make it very clear when she announces her choice that they would have also strongly supported Juno if she decided to go ahead with “the alternative,” as Juno’s stepmom puts it. Pro-choice means a woman is free to choose not to terminate a pregnancy as well to choose to have an abortion. I also applaud “Juno” for making clear that there are emotional consequences of giving a child up for adoption, just as there are consequences of having an abortion.

The right wing morons who are claiming “Juno” as one of their own are too stupid for words, are show themselves to be easily confused.

Today’s headlines are so lame — the “breaking news” has to do with the bus tunnel reopening — that I thought it would be more interesting to project a few headlines for 2008 that you probably won’t read anywhere else. After all, murderous rampages, even when they happen, or perhaps especially when they happen, on Christmas Eve, have become so commonplace it’s impossible to find something compelling to say any more. I can only breathe a sigh of relief that the story broke today instead of yesterday, when its pairing with the P-I expose of lunatic unlicensed bicyclists riding amok on city streets would have been a thorny call for the Page 1 editor as to which got the banner head. In other transportation news, the streetcar has stalled twice (something my bike has never done, but then it didn’t cost $52 million) and wait, this just in, OMG, snow is forecast for the region!

So now for the 2008 Roundup. We’ll start with the local headlines:

Overbuilding Crisis: Can It Happen Here? As more hi-rises and condos and townhouses continue to get built while the ones already on the market sit unsold, alert local media sense “excess inventory” in the housing market. Not wishing to offend real-estate advertisers, however, they cast the meltdown in upbeat, forward-looking platitudes like “brief lull,” “fleeting aberration” and “not as bad as Florida.”

Richard Conlin to Run for Mayor. Someone who actually practices sustainability to take on someone who just preaches it.

Streetcar, Metro Bus Collide, Injuring Both Passengers.

Oklahoma City Bans Sonics. Says it desires professional basketball team.

7.7 Quake Levels Viaduct. God weighs in on surface-street option.

Transit Measure Defeated at Polls. By a ___ to ___ margin, voters have turned down a ____________-___________ plan, costing ________ billion, to be built from ___________ to ____________ by the year _____ in order to solve the region’s growing, critical, urgent, yikes-we’re-all-doomed transportation crisis.

And now for the national headlines:

In Replay of Great Depression, Stock Market Crashes and Banks Collapse. Bush remains upbeat about economy, calls mass suicides on Wall Street “misoverreaction.”

Bush to Seek Third Term. Attorney General, citing loophole in law, says president can run if he changes his legal name.

Bush Bombs Iran. President declares martial law “to protect the safety of our country.”

Suspected Terrorist Plot Disclosed. President declares martial law “to protect the safety of our country.”

Republicans Score Landslide Win After Osama Bin Laden Brought Into Custody on Nov. 1. Faced with riots by angry voters, President declares martial law “to protect the safety of our country.”

License that man!!!

The P-I writes:

Motorists help pay for roads with gas taxes, tolls and license tabs. Boaters subsidize maritime programs with vessel registration and boat launch fees.

Maybe bicyclists, too, should pitch in for the costs of their trails and lanes.

It’s a suggestion — sometimes born of sincerity, other times of snarkiness — that drivers, tax-weary citizens and others make whenever politicians and cycling advocates talk about investing public money into cycling facilities. Some raised the idea again in recent weeks after the Seattle City Council and Mayor Greg Nickels endorsed a $240 million, 10-year plan for new bike lanes and street upgrades.

I read the story and the “comments” section at the end of the story (“Sound Off” is what it’s called), and the kinds of people who want to register bikes are the kind of people who hate cyclists. I hate some cyclists, but I also hate some drivers as well. It’s all about equal opportunity.

But cycling saves taxpayers money. If large numbers of people switched from SOVs to bikes, we would all save money on road maintenance. The mayor’s ten year cycling plan is cheap as shit compared to any other transportation investment.

Josh Feit writes:

I’m not sure where I stand on the idea of making bikers register. My gut tells me it’s not as simple as angry car owners make it out to be. Car owners gripe that they pay for roads through car fees, so why shouldn’t bikers help fund roads and bike lanes and bike trails?

Well, actually car owners pay for roads mostly through gas taxes, not car fees.

And here’s the real rub: Car owners are the ones who use and batter roads and cause congestion and emissions—all things that spike the cost of living for all of us.

Meanwhile, bikes save us all money—lowering congestion, easing emissions, and barely leaving any wear and tear on roads. So, why should government put up a barrier to getting more people on bikes?

Josh and the gang may not know where Federal Way is, but he’s dead on here.

Side note:

One night after doing the last hour of “The David Goldstein Show,” Goldy was giving me a ride home to Belltown. Underneath the Monorail tracks, 5th Avenue is divided in half, with the center of the street obstructed by the columns. Each half of the one-way street has (I believe) one traffic lane and one parking lane. Me and Goldy were on the left side of the pillars, and as we passed a car going much slower on the right side, I pointed the sight to Goldy:

Me: “Hey look, bicyclists, two abreast, blocking the whole lane.”

Goldy: “Fucking assholes. That’s why people hate cyclists.”

BTW, the cyclists were dressed totally in black with no helmets. Nice. Thankfully, for their sake no gravel trucks were in the area.

From the General: Ron Paul supporters blame “Jewish Cabal” for anti-Semitism charges.

This is an Open Thread.

With the near-complete absence of actual news this morning — an
escaping tiger killed someone (and was in turn killed) at the San Francisco zoo! A man who ran onto I-5 in Federal Way attacking cars was hit and killed by a speeding state trooper bullet! Holiday shopping was down this year! Several flakes of snow fell in Seattle on Christmas Day! — newspapers and TV stations in town are turning from the last drops of heartwarming holiday feature stories to year-end reviews in their use of fill material prepared ahead of time while reporters and editors take the week off.

You’ve been warned.

Christmas is a big day on my baby’s momma’s side of the family, and my baby’s no exception. I got my wakeup call at a relatively humane 7AM to join Katie for the unwrapping, and patient girl that she is, she even gave me the time to shower. I can’t be sure if she really liked all her gifts, because she’s always politely appreciative regardless, but by far her favorite present was the one she unwrapped last week: a kitten.

I cooked them breakfast, cleaned up, gave the dog a run, and now I’m getting ready to head off and embrace my Jewish heritage for a couple hours: I’m going to the movies: Sweeney Todd. (And yes, it is possible to be a huge Sondheim fan without being a great big faggot like Dan Savage.) Afterwards I’ll head up to the ex-in-laws for Christmas dinner and yet another round of gift unwrapping.

I hope the rest of you are enjoying your holiday, or at the very least, enjoying time-and-a-half holiday pay.

I’m hoping that Governor Gregoire doesn’t really believe that she will actually be stopping people from committing suicide by doing this:

Gov. Chris Gregoire is hoping to take the Aurora Bridge off the list of most popular spans for committing suicide, by putting $1.4 million in her supplemental budget proposal to begin building an 8-foot suicide-prevention fence on the historic landmark.

…

“Installation of an 8-foot suicide-prevention fence with illumination on the Aurora Avenue Bridge will help make the bridge safer and can help prevent suicides,” the governor said in budget documents released Tuesday.

Considering that the Aurora Bridge jumpers can land on buildings, I see some justification for this expenditure, but you have be even crazier than Lou Guzzo to believe that this is something that will save people from killing themselves.

If you want today’s headlines you’ll have to tune in to 710-KIRO this morning, where I’ll be filling in for Dave Ross from 9AM to Noon, bringing drive-by liberal propaganda to the masses.

9:00 AM: Are the elderly too old to know better?
The elderly have long been a juicy target for scam artists and “legitimate” salesmen alike, now families are fighting back with civil suits seeking to void legal contracts and other transactions, even those made without intimidation or deception. Should the elderly be treated like adolescents, who are not fully responsible for their decisions? Or should the elderly be held accountable for their own financial blunders, whatever the ultimate cost?

10AM: Are your tots toys toxic?
Millions of kids will eagerly rip the wrapping paper off their Christmas gifts tomorrow morning, but how many will come away with lead and other toxins on their hands? According to a series of free tests conducted by WA-08 challenger Darcy Burner, about 10-percent of toys and other children’s products contain lead above safe levels. Burner joins us by phone to discuss her findings, and talk about what Congress needs to do to address this growing problem.

11AM: Christians who don’t celebrate Christmas? Reverse shopping?

Tune in (or listen to the live stream) and give me a call: 1-877-710-KIRO (5476).

Tonight on “The David Goldstein Show”, 7PM to 10PM on News/Talk 710-KIRO:

7PM: TBA
Liberal propaganda.

8PM: Reproductive rights at risk?
When the Seattle Times’ David Postman asked Dino Rossi to explain his support of a court ruling allowing pharmacists to refuse prescriptions due to religious beliefs, Rossi declined an interview, his spokesperson saying “this is not a topic he has been campaigning on.” If NARAL/Pro-Choice Washington executive director Karen Cooper has anything to do it about, reproductive rights will remain a hot issue throughout the 2008 gubernatorial campaign, and Rossi will be forced to answer reporters questions about his very anti-choice positions. Cooper joins me by phone for the hour to take your calls.

9PM: Blogger roundup with Andrew Villeneuve
Andrew Villeneuve from Northwest Progressive Institute joins us in studio for more liberal propaganda.

Tune in tonight (or listen to the live stream) and give me a call: 1-877-710-KIRO (5476).

PROGRAMMING NOTE:
I’ll be filling in for Dave Ross this week (except for Christmas Day) 9AM to Noon, spreading my drive-by liberal propaganda to the masses.

The headline says it all: Fatal crash, new DUI record prompt WSP to step up patrol.

This month alone King County has had over 500 DUI arrests and Snohomish County has had 370 DUI arrests.

I wonder which county will end up with more convictions? Here in King County, while the police step up enforcement of the drunk driving laws, King County District Court Judge Peter Nault is working hard to reduce the number of successful prosecutions. Woodinville is fighting back, but it is not clear a victory will really change Judge Nault’s courtroom standards.

Ultimately the voters will have a say about Judge Nault’s fitness to serve. I am not a big fan of judicial elections, but as long as we have them, let’s put ’em to good use.