It is Tuesday, and that means the Seattle Chapter of Drinking Liberally gathers for an evening of political discussion, good cheer and beer. Join us, if you can.
We meet tonight and every Tuesday at the Roanoke Park Place Tavern, 2409 10th Ave E, Seattle. You’ll find us on the back patio. We start at 8:00pm.
Chapters of Living Liberally are all over the place…if you can’t make it to the Seattle chapter, stop by another chapter near you.
Dear Journalism,
You have one job: defend democracy. And you fucking suck at it.
Now, I know you like to think your job is simply to report the facts and that you have some sort of sacred obligation to remain “neutral” and “objective” and “fair and balanced,” and if this unbiased brand of nonpartisan journalism unfortunately results in the election of “America’s Hitler” (Trump’s running mate’s words, not mine), well, first draft of history and all that.
Oh, grow the fuck up.
The facts are, you made this rapey orange monster, and now it’s your job to unmake him, and if that means putting your calloused thumbs on the scale in opposition to, let’s be honest, a literal fucking fascist, then fuck your journalistic ethics and lean into it. Ours is a two-party system currently consisting of a democratic party and an undemocratic party, and if you’re not wielding all your power and privilege toward preserving our democratic institutions and norms, then you aren’t doing your fucking job.
I mean, why the fuck do you think the Founders put freedom of the press right up top in my First Amendment? Because they enjoyed the whimsical musings of Silence Fucking Dogood? Fuck no. It was because when you spend four sweltering months at a yellow fever lockdown party like the Constitutional Convention, endlessly debating Enlightenment ideals like how many fifths human a black person is, you really get to know your fellow “patriots.” And so the slave-owning hypocritical assholes who wrote me sure as fuck knew that the fragile democracy they just crafted had zero chance of surviving their own elitist ambitions let alone those of the slave-owning hypocritical assholes across the aisle, without a free fucking press to keep everybody the fuck in line.
And by “free press” I mean free to write whatever the fuck it likes no matter how viciously partisan or slanderous. As Alexander Hamilton famously rapped about Thomas Jefferson, “I’ll use the press, I’ll write under a pseudonym, you’ll see what I can do to him,” and holy fuck did he ever. Hamilton, Jefferson, Madison—hiding underneath those stately powdered wigs were motherfucking gangsters who’d sooner fuck you up the ass with a rolled up broadsheet then give you the time of day. (Fun fact: also hiding underneath those powdered wigs were unsightly patches of syphilitic alopecia, because nearly everybody had syphilis back then as if you couldn’t tell from their absolutely deranged implementation of an Electoral Fucking College. But I digress.)
The point is: the Founders couldn’t have imagined a democracy guided by objective and nonpartisan journalism any more than they could have imagined one in which the 585,000 residents of fucking Wyoming would each have 67 times more representation in the U.S. Senate than 39 million Californians. (Thanks again, syphilis!) No, the Founders’ intent was the journalism they practiced: an unapologetically partisan press beating the crap out of each other in the court of public opinion. In the American system, the only way you get “fair and balanced” is by balancing the other fuckers out! That’s how our democracy was designed to work. But when one side unilaterally disarms—when, for example, the New York Times curls up all Vichy France-like while Fox News gleefully goes full Goebbels—democracy doesn’t stand a goddamn chance.
And BTW, neither does journalism.
What? You think once orange Putin seizes the dictatorial powers the Supreme Court just promised him that somehow I’m coming to your defense? Sam Alito already wipes his bony white ass with me, so put one or two more Federalist Society Elders on the bench and New York Times v. Sullivan? Dead! New York Times v. United States? Dead! Hustler Magazine v. Falwell? Dead! I mean, wake the fuck up. Without a functional democracy to back me up, my First Amendment isn’t worth the brittle old parchment it’s scribbled on, so best of luck clinging to your precious journalistic ethics while stripped naked at Gitmo as Elon sues into bankruptcy one news outlet after another for every imagined slight.
Look, I’m not asking you to lie or anything. (Though to be clear, I’m not asking you not to.) I’m just saying that if all that stands between the survival of the world’s oldest democracy and the imposition of white nationalist authoritarian rule is a little good old fashioned partisan muckraking, then, like it or not, journalism, it’s your fucking job to rake some muck in defense of the candidate who doesn’t promise to dismantle the Constitution. Then, if we still have a democracy come January 6 (normally I’d say November 5, but, you know), by all means feel free to morally cleanse yourself in a paroxysm of this pretentious both-sidesism you call “journalistic ethics.”
And if democracy doesn’t survive this election? Well… given Trump’s open admiration of Putin and his tactics, I’d be awfully careful when standing near any open windows.
So get to it, journalism, before it’s too late. As Aaron Burr ominously asked of Hamilton, “Why do you write like you’re running out of time? Write day and night like you’re running out of time?” Why? Because he was running the fuck out of time!
And so are you, journalism. So are you.
Sincerely,
The U.S. Fucking Constitution
– Trolly busses getting upgraded.
– I still come into my office most days. But I am glad that on days when it isn’t necessary, I am not required to. That seems like the bigger issue than traffic being generated.
– I always feel a bit uninformed when there’s a bug environmental case I don’t know enough about to have a strong opinion. But I do trust Futurewise, so congratulations, probably, to them on their victory.
– Anyway, please wash your hands right now and get vaccinated or boosted if you’re eligible.
Swiftvoted:
Electile Dysfunction 2024:
Roll Call: Congressional hits and misses of the week
Cult of The Felon Von Shitzenpantz:
Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.
Too many people being weird creeps. But none are from Washington, so who can write about it? Me? Vaguely.
– There’s still time to enroll in Seattle’s pre-k.
– G Line, baby!
– The Seattle City Council plan for public housing seems inferior to the other ballot initiative, and maybe to the status quo.
– You know what’s great? Washing your hands right now. And getting vaccinated or boosted if you’re eligible.
Today is National Voter Registration Day. Please take a few minutes today to (1) check your own WA registration and (2) help a neighbor, friend, relative, or co-worker register to vote. After that, join us for an evening of politics and good cheer over the beverage of your choosing at the Seattle Chapter of Drinking Liberally.
We meet tonight and every Tuesday at the Roanoke Park Place Tavern, 2409 10th Ave E, Seattle. You’ll find us on the back patio. We start at 8:00pm.
Chapters of Living Liberally are all over the place…if you can’t make it to the Seattle chapter, stop by another chapter near you.
– Kind of old, but I like Emmitt’s Washington State flag redesign. My personal preference is that we change to being named after George Washington Bush and adopt one of Jacob Lawrence’s paintings to be the flag.
– This is a very funny headline in The Needling.
– And this story about Bellevue being the first city in the state to get a Monopoly board feels like a Needling headline. But it’s real.
Roll Call: Congressional hits and misses of the week
Washington Gubernatorial Debate Bits:
John Oliver: School lunch
Electile Dysfunction 2024:
Jimmy Kimmel: The week in unnecessary censorship
Cult of The Felon Von Shitzenpantz:
Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.
Well. I thought that the Boeing deal was pretty good. But the people who actually have to work under it rejected it 94.6%. So there is a strike, and solidarity to the striking workers. If the executives who fucked things up can find money for their golden parachutes, they can pay the people who make their damn planes.
Man big debate last night. That weasely jerk. What an incoherent answer on abortion. I can’t believe anyone ever voted for him. And he looks old, older than I remember. Talking about the governor’s debate.
I already knew who I support. And I think a better Republican could actually score some hits on Ferguson. But not Reichert.
Anyway, please wash your hands right now and get vaccinated or boosted if you’re eligible.
Please join us tonight for an evening of electoral politics as the Seattle Chapter of Drinking Liberally gathers for a presidential debate-watching party.
We meet tonight and every Tuesday at the Roanoke Park Place Tavern, 2409 10th Ave E, Seattle.
We’ll get an early start tonight, 6:00pm, and meet in the back room with the debate on the TV. Note that the pub can get loud, so if you really want to hear everything, bring headphones and a way to stream the audio. There is free WiFi available at the Roanoke.
Chapters of Living Liberally are all over the place…if you can’t make it to the Seattle chapter, stop by another chapter near you.
– Oh geez. SPD may kill people in Seattle, but it also costs taxpayers quite a bit, potentially.
– I don’t know any more than what I read, but I think the new Boeing contract is good?
– Grow better, Seattle. Honestly, more density more places, please.
– Anyway, now is a great time to wash your hands. And hey, if you’re eligible, get vaccinated or boosted.
Steve Shives: Why should a teenager have an AR-15? A response to the Apalachee High School shooting
Christopher Titus: Back To school…RUN!!!!!!
Electile Dysfunction 2024:
Robert Reich: How we build an economy that works
Vice News: How the end of Roe v. Wade is impacting Americans
Cult of The Felon Von Shitzenpantz:
LegalEagle: Jack Smith plays chicken with The Supreme Court
Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.
– Imagine having to go to work with these jamooks after they racismed their way to wasting department time.
– The City Attorney’s office is trying to not go in front of a judge they don’t like. But the prosecution should not be able to pick and choose for make ’em up reasons.
– We have a second place for Lands Commission.
– A good ad opposing I-2117.
– Anyway, please wash your hands right now. And get vaccinated or boosted if you’re eligible.
Eager to share our brilliant political commentary and blunt media criticism, but too genteel to link to horsesass.org? Well, good news, ladies: we also answer to HASeattle.com, because, you know, whatever. You're welcome!