I haven’t blogged on Collin Levey recently, but I just couldn’t ignore another of her bizarrely obsessive and unpatriotic attacks on ketchup. [“Ketchup: the Death of Democracy”… or something like that.]
Now perhaps Collin puts mayonnaise on her pomme frites, but I wouldn’t touch a fried Idaho without a tangy, tomatoey dollop of America’s favorite condiment. And like a majority of my countrymen, my ketchup of choice has always been Heinz.
So it seems odd that Collin insists on emphasizing the Heinz in Teresa Heinz Kerry, as if her name suggested some sort of evil corporate affiliation… like Dick Halliburton Cheney, or George bin Laden Bush. Heinz is a much beloved brand name, especially to the people of western Pennsylvania, where Heinz ketchup is not only an essential topping on their all-American burgers, but where grateful communities benefit from the tens or millions of dollars bestowed annually by Teresa and her late husband’s foundation.
Four times in her column, Collin refers to Teresa simply as “Heinz Kerry”, where as Laura Bush is always referred to as “Laura” or, well… “Laura Bush.”
Curiously, Laura’s middle name is “Welch”, singularly evocative of another well known American brand name, “Welches”, purveyors of grape juice and jam. So why have Collin and her colleagues in the right-wing media echo chamber focused on the “Heinz” in Teresa Heinz Kerry, while ignoring Laura Welch Bush’s missing middle name?
What grape-stained scandal is the media trying to hide? What sticky mess lies beneath Welch Bush’s white bread exterior? Collin continues to insinuate “sinister financial doings” involving the Heinz estate, yet at least Teresa still proudly wears her middle name.
A conspiratorial mind might wonder what kind of a moral, ethical or legal jam Laura Welch Bush got herself into to cause her to drop her middle name entirely? (And I’m not necessarily talking about the time she killed her boyfriend.)
So criticize Teresa Heinz Kerry all you want Collin… but I’d rather have a first lady with ketchup on her hands, not blood.
