HorsesAss.Org

There once was a thread from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long it could suck it.
Wait, threads don’t have a penis
Oh, well, I mean this:
This poem’s off the rails, so fuck it.

It’s good to be back in Seattle. I’ve been back a few days, but I’m still pretty exhausted.

It was great to see my family. I told my cousin that I would link to his Shopify store for all of your President Baby Hands needs.

When events become absolutely horrifying, it is our sense of community and collective purpose that offers solace and even hope. Stop by the Seattle Chapter of Drinking Liberally on Tuesday evening. Let’s talk it over.

We meet every Tuesday at the Roanoke Park Place Tavern, 2409 10th Ave E, Seattle. You’ll find us in the small room at the back of the tavern beginning about 8pm.

Can’t make it to Seattle? Check out one of the 236 chapters of Living Liberally, including 23 in Washington state, five in Oregon and three in Idaho. Find, or go out and start, a chapter near you.

1 Kings 1:1-4
King David was now an old man, and he always felt cold, even under a lot of blankets. His officials said, “Your Majesty, we will look for a young woman to take care of you. She can lie down beside you and keep you warm.” They looked everywhere in Israel until they found a very beautiful young woman named Abishag, who lived in the town of Shunem. They brought her to David, and she took care of him.

Discuss.

Adam Ruins Everything: How the fine art market is a scam.

Stephen: Eric Bolling is FAUX News’ disgraced employee of the month

Jimmy Kimmel: The week in unnecessary censorship.

Трамп Tries Trashing the World:

• Late Show: President Трамп’s vacation slides
• Jimmy Kimmel: White House repairs while Трамп is away
• Daily Show: How Трамп ended up in bed with Russia
• Stephen: The FBI raided Paul Manafort with a pre-dawn “no-knock” warrant.
• Sam Seder: Possible fake human Sebastian Gorka suggests Трамп won’t comment on mosque attack ’cause it “might have been propagated by the left”
• Jimmy Fallon: Трамп’s North Korea problem
• West Wing: Трамп reboot
• Jimmy Kimmel: Vladimir Putin’s masculine vacation
• Stephen: Трамп’s vacation isn’t a vacation from Twitter
• WaPo: “Weekend Update” highlights a news-filled summer and doesn’t forget The Mooch
• A review of Трамп’s many missteps with the military.
• Stephen doesn’t want the earth to blow up.
• Seth Meyers with Tammy Duckworth: Why Трамп will never “out-crazy” Kim Jong-un
• Samantha Bee: Reading about Steve Bannon
• Young Turks: The White House’s leaker outed?:

• Late Show: Kim Jong-Un Responds To Donald Трамп.
• Conan: Lincoln robot reacts to Трамп
• Jimmy Kimmel: Donald Трамп gets a daily good news folder
• Seth Meyers: A closer look at Трамп doubling down on North Korea threats.
• Stephen grades Трамп’s improvised “fire and fury” threat.
• Mike Pence on currency.
• Bill Maher: Fat man and little boy.
• Jimmy Kimmel: Трамп is doubling down on North Korea
• Late Show: Greeting cards for your Special Counsel
• Conan: A message from the Guam tourist board
• Francesca Fiorentini: Back to the past with Jeff Sessions
• Mark Fiore: A hole in Un.
• Daily Show: Brown in town
• WaPo: The festering issues between Трамп and Congress
• Sam Seder: FAUX News amazing protest reporting, “It appears to be a very large chicken display”
• James Cordon: The White House is under renovation.
• Seth Meyers: A closer look at Трамп’s long vacation and his team debuts so-called “real news”
• Conan sings a lullaby about North Korea
• Jimmy Kimmel: Трамп is NOT on vacation.
• What Mike Pence stands for.
• Stephen: Трамп begins his 17-day summer vacation.
• Fact Checking Kayleigh McEnany’s and her “Трамп propaganda TV” debut.
• Stephen: Mike Pence looks thirsty for the presidency in 2020
• ONN: How Трамп writes his tweets.
• Samantha Bee: Трамп’s terrifying judicial appointments:

• Jim Jefferies: USA and North Korea are in a nuclear diss battle
• Jimmy Kimmel is on edge about North Korea.
• Daily Show: Ivanka Трамп’s fake feminism.
• Stephen: Трамп’s team bans the term “climate change”
• Jimmy Dore: Scaramucci compares Трамп White House to being in Goodfellas
• WaPo: The FBI raided Paul Manafort’s home in predawn search.
• James Cordon: How will the world end?
• Stephen: North Korea, the U.S. just isn’t that into you
• Summer of Трамп.
• Jimmy Kimmel: Donald Трамп’s “fire and fury” threat to North Korea
• Seth Meyers: A closer look at Трамп’s Twitter war of words with North Korea
• The Mike Pence shame cube (helping you get closer to God)
• Late Show: “Real News Tonight” adds Lara Трамп as correspondent
• Seth Meyers with Tammy Duckworth: How Трамп is helping write Kim Jong-un’s propaganda
• Jimmy Kimmel: Pence is NOT running for President.
• Stephen: God isn’t stressing out about nuclear war

Jim Jefferies does Bill Burr.

Late Show: War in Guam! Wait, where is that again?

Bill Maher: New Rule—rename GOP “The Troll Party”.
Minute Physics: Will batteries power the world?

Why you need special glasses to view the eclipse.

Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.

I quite enjoyed DC. Thanks for the suggestions and such. I took the train up to New Hampshire yesterday. It’s pretty convenient if you have family to pick you up.

The Seattle Chapter of Drinking Liberally meets this evening. Please stop by, have a drink, and join us in political conversation.

We meet every Tuesday at the Roanoke Park Place Tavern, 2409 10th Ave E, Seattle. You’ll find us in the small room at the back of the tavern beginning about 8pm.

Can’t make it to Seattle? Check out one of the 236 chapters of Living Liberally, including 23 in Washington state, five in Oregon and three in Idaho. Find, or go out and start, a chapter near you.

Hosea 3:1-3
Once again the Lord spoke to me. And this time he said, “Hosea, fall in love with an unfaithful woman who has a lover. Do this to show that I love the people of Israel, even though they worship idols and enjoy the offering cakes made with fruit.”

So I paid fifteen pieces of silver and about ten bushels of grain for such a woman. Then I said, “Now you are mine! You will have to remain faithful to me, though it will be a long time before we sleep together.”

Discuss.

Trevor: Russia and North Korea test the U.S..

Samantha Bee: Kris Kobach’s racist music man:

The Onion: How the GOP can still repeal ObamaCare.

Jim Jefferies: Republicans revive their old bills.

The “this is fine” bias in cable news.

Трамп’s Trashy Turmoil:

• Stephen: This little girl has her own letter for the President
• Jimmy Kimmel: Drunk Donald Трамп—nipping it in the bud
• Trevor: President Трамп’s very bad day
• WaPo: Junior’s contradictory statements about the Russia meeting
• Young Turks: The vacation President takes 3 weeks.
• Stephen: Трамп begged the Mexican President to lie.
• The President Show: Mike learns about ethics.
• Jimmy Kimmel: Drunk Donald Трамп on American coal
• Samantha Bee: Sabotaging ObamaCare
• Daily Show: The Celebrity Appresident–Inside the episode
• Olbermann: Трамп’s threats are getting out of control
• Stephen: The White House thinks “not inaccurate” equals “the truth”
• Jimmy Kimmel: New Трамп products
• Young Turks: Republicans block Трамп BIGLY!
• Bill Maher: Scout’s honor
• Jimmy Dore chats with Sean Spicer
• Seth Meyers: Congressman Adam Schiff breaks down Трамп’s Grand Jury problem
• Short Takes: Is the White House a dump?
• Stephen Miller talks Statue of Liberty facts
• Full Frontal: Times Square Stephen Miller impersonator
• A devastated Stephen Colbert sings farewell to the Mooch
• Stephen: The President of the United States (except Alaska!)
• Brian Huskey: “Mooch” bloopers
• Late Show: A tour of the White House (the way Трамп sees it)
• Seth Meyers: Scaramucci and Priebus are out as Трамп threatens to blow up ObamaCare
• Young Turks: Трамп’s poll numbers keep on falling.
• Olbermann: Down goes he Mooch.
• Late Show: Another day, another White House name plate.
• The President Show: The President plays charades
• Jimmy Kimmel interviews Anthony Scaramucci
• Seth Meyers: The check in with Трамп and religion.
• Stephen: Трамп’s cybersecurity expert fell for email spam.
• WaPo: Four big takeaways from Трамп’s calls to Mexican and Australian counterparts.
• The President Show: There is no chaos.
• Late Show: Vladimir Putin publicly breaks up with Трамп
• Jimmy Kimmel: A look back at Трамп’s Tweets about Obama’s vacations
• Jim Jefferies: Трамп’s transgender ban and LGBTQ rights in the military
• Seth Meyers: Трамп in Crisis—Grand Jury, leaked phone calls and low poll numbers
• Stephen wants in on Robert Mueller’s Grand Jury
• Trevor: Jeff Sessions cracks down on racism against white people
• Samantha Bee: First (and probably last ever) Трамп-positive field piece
• Stephen: Actual Трамп quotes read by cartoon Donald Трамп
• Seth Meyers: Getting to know Gen. Kelly
• Jimmy Fallon: Pros and cons of getting fired by Трамп
• 1600 Pennsylvania Ave: The “President’s palace” or Трамп’s “dump”?
• Jimmy Kimmel: An important message about white people from David Alan Grier
• Jonathan Mann: Bye, Bye Mooch:

• Late Show: The Purge—White House edition.
• Olbermann: Why is Трамп reminding us of the pee pee tape?
• Farron Cousins: Reporter confirms the Liar-in-Chief DID call the White House “a real dump”
• Daily Show: Трамп’s theme week fails
• WaPo fact checks Трамп on the stock market.
• Seth Meyers: General John Kelly takes over as Трамп Russia story changes
• Randy Newman performs “Putin”
• Late Show: Трамп wants out of his “dump”
• The President Show: Farewell address—Back to complete chaos

Stephen with Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) reveals which Senators are funny.

Late Show: Get a hot date with Al Gore’s climate change pick-up lines.

Bill Maher: What if Obama said it?

Medicaid explained: Why it’s worse to be sick in some states than others.

The birth of mansplaining.

Adam ruins everything: Alpha males.

Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.

I live in the airport now. My flight was cancelled, but I didn’t realize it until I was already here. So now I have several hours here.

I hope all your candidates won. Congrats if they did, and commiserations if they didn’t. And mmmmmmm if they’re still too close to call.

It’s a primary election night in Washington. So, please join us for an evening of political pontification over a pint at the Seattle Chapter of Drinking Liberally.

We meet every Tuesday at the Roanoke Park Place Tavern, 2409 10th Ave E, Seattle. You’ll find us in the small room at the back of the tavern beginning about 8pm.

Can’t make it to Seattle? Check out one of the 236 chapters of Living Liberally, including 23 in Washington state, five in Oregon and three in Idaho. Find, or go out and start, a chapter near you.

I’m going on vacation pretty soon. So my production of nonsense will sink even more. Anyone have any idea what to do in DC or rural New Hampshire?

Zephaniah 1:2
I, the Lord, now promise to destroy everything on this earth.

Discuss.

Roll Call: Hot mics catch members of Congress off guard

The Onion Reviews “An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth To Power”.

The Tragedy and Turmoil That Is Трамп:

• Young Turks: Трамп PISSED Congress won’t let him lift Russia sanctions
• Stephen on the dangers of self-pardoning
• WaPo Fact Check: President Трамп’s flip-flop on African-American youth unemployment
• Trevor: Profiles in Tremendousness—White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci
• Olbermann: The timeline in the case against Трамп
• Lawrence O’Donnell: Reince Priebus exit ends Трамп’s worst week yet
• How two female Republican Senators stood their ground and shaped the health-care debate.
• Mark Fiore: Peak Satire Moonshot.
• Seth Meyers: Трамп attacks sessions, talks to Boy Scouts and other inappropriate things.
• Stephen: Our (so-called) President needs the validation of Boy Scouts
• James Cordon: Трамп broke it down for the Boy Scouts
• Sam Seder: Трамп brags to Boy Scouts about sexy yachts & cocktail parties
• The President Show: The President gossips with his friends
• Donald Трамп Jr.’s contradictory statements about the Russia meeting.
• Trevor (behind the scenes): How Anthony Scaramucci made nice with Donald Трамп
• Scout Law versus Трамп
• Stephen takes a stab at Scaramucci’s phone interview
• Olbermann: The Republicans are bailing on Трамп
• American Horror Story: Pat Robertson interviews Donald J. Трамп
• Трамп’s temporary bone spurs

(a PSA).

• Late Show: Трамп’s cameo in ‘The Emoji Movie’
• Seth Meyers: Spicer’s out, Scaramucci’s in and Kushner speaks
• Sam Seder: The feral Трамп is most dangerous when cornered…
• Five things you wouldn’t expect a president to say to the Boy Scouts….
• James Cordon: Someone call the Mooch—My Priebus is leaking
• The President Show: A presidency in focus
• Jimmy Kimmel: Drunk Donald Трамп—Made in America
• Stephen: Трамп claims his Ohio rally broke all records. Every. Single. One.
• Oops! Rick Perry was tricked by Russian pranksters.
• Trevor: Turmoil in Трамп Town
• All the false things Трамп said in the past 24 hours.
• Stephen help “The Mooch” Scaramucci find “The Leaks”
• Samantha Bee: The Mooch will set Трамп free
• Трамп’d: The newest BS.
• The President Show: Welcome to reality:

• Scaramucci insults Priebus, Bannon in New Yorker interview.
• Late Show: Cookie Jeff Sessions fires back at Трамп
• Ari Melber: This is your brain on Donald Трамп
• Sam Seder: Anthony Scaramucci’s very first insane meltdown
• Samantha Bee: Трамп’s spreading taint
• How Sean Spicer left the White House.

Jim Jefferies: Are we in the Age Of Unenlightenment?

Jimmy Kimmel: The week in unnecessary censorship.

Republicans Are Still Trying to Kill Americans:

• WaPo: What to know about the Senate’s “skinny repeal” option
• Jonathan Mann: Fuck John McCain.
• Stephen: Senators don’t know what’s in the “healthcare plan” they passed
• Sen. Patty Murray gives some shit to crooked Republicans.
• Young Turks: Skinny Repeal failure makes Mitch a sad turtle.
• Lawrence O’Donnell: The Resistance showed Senators the way on health care
• Trevor: The dead GOP “health care” bill comes back to life….
• Trevor: The GOP fails to repeal ObamaCare
• Seth: Scaramucci lashes out as GOP scrambles on Health Care

Adam Ruins Everything: Little known truth about mammograms.

VOX: The difference between racial versus partisan gerrymandering.

The Trans-Phobic Commander-in-Tweet:

• Late Night’s female writers respond to Трамп’s transgender ban
• WaPo: The Pentagon spends far more on Viagra that it does on transgender medical care
• New Scientist: Трамп tweets plan to ban transgender people from military
• WaPo: She’s actively serving her country. Here’s why she feels betrayed by her commander-in-chief.
• Stephen makes a change To Трамп’s “trans ban” Tweet
• Maddow: Donald Трамп spurns serving transgender US military with careless ban
• WaPo: Surprise and outrage greet Трамп’s transgender military ban
• James Cordon: We want you! (Unless you’re transgender)
• Young Turks: “Ally” Ivanka silent on Трамп’s bigotry

Jim Jefferies: Xanda the Lion and the bloodlust of trophy hunters.

Last week’s Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza can be found here.