If we’re looking for some good ways to trim the budget, maybe we can cut out re-enacting episodes of the A-Team:
Marijuana activists are criticizing — and at least partly laughing off — a counter-terrorism exercise carried out Wednesday in California that featured marijuana growers setting off bombs and seizing a dam.
Organized by the federal Bureau of Reclamation, the exercise involved 20 government agencies and some 250 personnel, according to a report from the Redding Record-Searchlight. In the scenario, marijuana growers blew up a bus and car and seized control of northern California’s Shasta Dam in a bid to free an imprisoned colleague.
How did Hannibal, B.A. and the boys handle this one?
The team drives up to the compound in the terrorists’ truck, with the Frank Stallone guy as their hostage. Then there’s a funny montage, where Ramon is talking about some attack they’re going to launch while the team launches basically the same attack on his guards! Hannibal and B.A. pick up some needed supplies, and Hannibal tells the rest of the team all the trouble is behind them: “from here on out, it’s open road.” Not two seconds later B.A. walks around a corner and finds the giant beard guy, ready for another 38 minutes of fighting! The look on B.A.’s face is priceless. “Not again!” he says.
Luckily not everything is going wrong; Hannibal, Murdock and Face storm the terrorists’ interminable planning meeting and run off with Marcus and the briefcase full of money (though B.A. and the beard guy do crash through a window at one point). Ramon again promises the team “will not get away this time,” and to show he’s serious he lets his soldiers actually chase after them instead of calling another planning meeting. The dudes all run toward the front gate, only the team is being sneaky and escaping by rappelling off a treacherous cliff. Is anyone worried about escaping via an imposing rock cliff? Nah. “Piece of cake,” as Face, B.A. and Murdock all deadpan. The mountaineering actually goes pretty well, or at least until Ramon and company show up and shoot the rappelling ropes before Hannibal can lower himself down. So he just jumps. The jazz, man. But then they shoot the inflatable raft the team was going to use for their getaway. So the team is trapped! No, Ramon, who has REPEATEDLY SAID THEY WON’T GET AWAY lets them get away because it’s time to go blow up a dam.
The team is back at the van, so the mission’s over, right? Face sums up just how good the team is: “We lost our wheels, B.A. did fifteen rounds with Godzilla, Hannibal did a twenty story high dive, we had our raft blown out from under us, and we still managed to save the girl, her boyfriend and… retrieve the money.” “Now all you’ve gotta do is stop them from blowing up the dam,” says Marcus. Dam? Murdock: “I wanna cry.”
The terrorists show up at the dam, and they actually shoot the elderly security guy – that’s what, 40 million bullets on this show and he’s like the third guy who actually got hit? On the other hand, the guard saw a bunch of armed guys dressed in black bodysuits and ski masks and waved them through without a second thought, so maybe he shouldn’t be on the job anyway. Their red van is apparently a clown van, because about 40 guys pile out once they’re inside the dam area. Two of them have an explosive device. Ah, the security guard was Hannibal in disguise! “I’m beginning to love this bulletproof vest!” he says. He lets the team know the terrorists are inside the dam. Murdock and Face are already inside, so they subdue a few of the thieves and disarm a few others. Then Hannibal and B.A. come in to get the guys working on the explosives. Everybody’s accounted for, but Almost Brigitte says, in a halting, I-can-barely-remember-these-lines voice, “You forgot about this. It’s set and you can’t stop it. You’ve got less than 90 seconds. You’re too late.” Hannibal and B.A. race off with the bomb… and run right into the giant beard guy! But even he doesn’t want to fight when he realizes what they’re carrying and runs off. I was going to make a “Goldfinger” joke about Hannibal and B.A. disabling the thing with 007 seconds to spare, but they actually heaved the bomb into the nearby water with 007 seconds to spare! The bomb explodes and I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t have taken out the whole dam – maybe chipped some of the paint in the boiler room, but then I’m being picky again. Thumbs up from B.A. and Hannibal.
It’s a good thing the terrorists in the A-Team episode weren’t pot growers or that dam would’ve been a goner.