With a small, Florida hate church announcing today that it will follow through on its plans to burn copies of the Quran in commemoration of the 9/11 attacks, it is incumbent on us patriotic Americans to prove to the rest of the world how tolerant and pluralistic our nation truly is. And the only way to properly send this message, is to, well, fight fire with fire.
In other words: who’s up for a good old fashioned book burning?
While Pastor Jones and his fellow islamophobes down in Florida are selectively burning Qurans, folks here in America’s least churched city could gather for a more inclusive celebration of religious hatred, roasting hotdogs and smores over a raging bonfire of Holy Bibles. Mmm… toasty.
But why stop with just the teachings of Christ? In fact, I’d encourage folks to toss in copies of the Torah, the Vedas, the Tao-te-ching, the Book of Morman, Dianetics or even the Origin of the Species for all I care… whatever you consider holy or unholy, it’ll all burn just the same.
And for an added spark to the festivities, we could use American flags for kindling.
The point is, this is America, so of course the ironically named Dove World Outreach Center has the constitutional right to burn the Quran — you know, in the same way that we all have the right to draw cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed — no matter how distasteful, offensive, or provocative this might appear to Islamic communities at home or abroad. See, that’s the thing about free expression: for this right to be the least bit meaningful, it has to be just as available to assholes is it is to the rest of us.
That’s a hard point to get across to folks who aren’t accustomed to our freedoms, so the only real way to combat Pastor Jone’s message of religious intolerance and hate is to dilute it with a more egalitarian message of religious intolerance and hate of our own. And that’s why we need to make a show of burning all the holy books, especially, but not exclusively, Pastor Jones’ beloved Holy Bible. Think of it as a “Bonfire of Inanities.”
Unfortunately, Seattle parks limits legal beach bonfires to firewood only, so we’d likely have to light ours on private property. If anybody has suitable space for a backyard bonfire this Saturday, let me know. I’ll bring a couple growlers of Manny’s. And, a Bible.