To the assholes who keep dumping trash in my yard waste and recycling bins… I mean… what the fuck? Do you come from some socialist dystopia where there is no such thing as private trash, and all bins are property of the people? And can you read? These bins are clearly marked “Yard Waste” and “Recycling” — you gotta know that when you dump a dirty diaper or a water-logged scrap of carpet remnant or the remains of your taco truck lunch in my yard waste bin, that I’m going to have to clean it out and put it in my trash can. If you’re gonna be such an incredibly inconsiderate fuck, why not just go all the way to inconsiderate fuckdom, and just dump your trash straight on my goddamn sidewalk?
To the assholes who keep dumping bags of trash on my goddamn sidewalk… well Jesus Fucking Christ! You’re neat enough to actually bag your trash, but then you just dump the bag on my sidewalk? I repeat… what the fuck? Who the hell just pulls up their car and says to themselves, “Gee, this sidewalk here, in front of this house… this looks like the right place to leave my neatly bagged garbage”…? And why the goddamn sidewalk? After all, there’s both a recycling and a yard waste bin just paces away, not to mention my actual trash can, which, for some reason, it never occurs to any of you assholes to commandeer. Sure, it’s incredibly fucking rude to dump your trash in somebody else’s trash can, but at least then I wouldn’t have to pick it up and put it in there myself, since the only trash the city hauls away is the stuff that’s actually in a proper can, and pulled up to the curb.
To the assholes who keep parking in front of my bins on trash day… goddamnit! Trash cans and recycling (or yard waste) bins are lining the streets for miles around, because, you know, it’s trash day, and the haulers only empty those cans that are placed by the curb. And you have to choose my cans to park your fucking truck in front of? Are you fucking oblivious, or do you simply just not care? So occasionally, after my trash hasn’t been picked up for weeks, I get desperate and put my bins in the street, and what do you do…? You put them back on the goddamn sidewalk so that you can park in front of them in that goddamn spot! Fuck you! And to the particular asshole with the beater van who when I specifically asked you not to park in front of my bins so that my trash might actually be picked up that day, you haughtily informed me that I’m supposed to put my bins at the end of my driveway… look around Peabody: I don’t have a fucking driveway! I don’t have a fucking garage! That’s why my bins are always in reach of goddamn fucking inconsiderate assholes like you, who obviously can’t be bothered to give a shit about anybody but yourselves.
I’m just sayin’.
To the skanky Rainier Ave. whores who have chosen my corner as the perfect place to park with their Johns… it’s good to see you being so conscientious in your use of condoms. Thank you for being so responsible. But could you please toss your jizz filled love socks and smegma smeared wads of paper towel out the window into the middle of the street instead of onto my goddamn sidewalk?!