It’s been a while since our all-time favorite troll, Scott St. Clair (AKA The Crackpiper) has given me some good material for a post, but he’s been writing columns now at places like Crosscut and the Kirkland Reporter, and his insane and nonsensical ramblings have once again caught my eye. Here’s a recap of two of his latest efforts in unintentional comedy.
The Smallest Scandal in the World
As a “General interest columnist” for the Kirkland Reporter, Crackpiper appears to be carrying quite a bit of water for the effort by Toby Nixon to unseat popular first-term Legislator Roger Goodman. As regular readers here know, I’m a strong supporter of Goodman, so this article was sent along to me:
Is state Rep. Roger Goodman deliberately trying to throw his re-election effort? Judged by a review of his campaign website and brochure, you have to ask the question given the ethical concerns they raise.
Oh my! In what egregious and unforgivable way has Goodman violated the public’s trust?
Looking at Goodman’s website and clicking on the Legislation tab (where citizens interested in learning about his Olympia track record would go first), you will find several photographs of him that look to be clear violations of state campaign laws.
Pictures of Goodman inside a police car, a police communications center, standing beside what looks to be a Kirkland police car with what clearly is a Kirkland police officer are, if they’re what they lead us to believe they are, clearly improper and unlawful.
Additionally, there is a picture of Goodman reading to some kids. What can be wrong with reading to kids? Nothing per se, unless the picture was taken inside a public school, in which case it then becomes the improper use of a public facility for campaign purposes.
Awesome! I’m not sure what’s funnier, the fact that there’s a law preventing this, that people like Crackpiper actually get worked up about violations of it and think that someone would care, or that the Kirkland Reporter printed this goofiness from someone they refer to as a “General interest columnist.” What’s even funnier, though, is that Toby Nixon has been the focus of a real campaign ethics issue from 2006, which was reported on last week by a real political reporter:
There were also 13 Republican legislative candidates who were given in-kind contributions they say they didn’t know about. At least most said they didn’t know anything about the work done on their behalf. Toby Nixon, who lost his 2006 race for state Senate, told PDC staff he was aware of the contribution. The staff report says:
However, in the confusion of closing a campaign and without the information from the WSRP the reporting of the contribution was overlooked.
Why didn’t the party tell the candidates the money had been spent? No one could really answer that question for the PDC staff. Party officials said they believe the notices to the candidates were prepared, “but they have been unable to locate copies of those notices.”
But hey, at least he didn’t have pictures of himself with a firefighter on his website. That would really make me question his ethics.
Sarah Palin is the Hockey Mom in Everyone
Crackpiper’s latest effort in Crosscut is extraordinary. It’s jaw dropping. But it does give some excellent insight into why Sarah Palin was picked to be on the ticket. Palin is a true believer in the things that make wingnuttia what it is. She’s anti-choice. She believes in letting children figure out sex on their own. She has no knowledge or understanding of foreign policy. She questions evolution and global warming. And she can be a massive hypocrite without flinching.
All of these things initially made me agree with Geov that it was a smart pick. She was a popular choice among wingnut bloggers and her ability to win the Governorship of Alaska was proof that she was viable. But my god, too much stuff has been coming out now and I’m not so convinced any more. She’s far nuttier than I realized. Plus, the scrutiny she’s facing is far more intense than anything she’s had to go through in Alaska (which has 1/3 the population of King County), and I can’t wait to see her have to debate Joe Biden. Yikes.
The selection of Palin and how the national reaction has been playing out is probably the best indication of how much wingnuts like Crackpiper have become severed from reality. Here’s the introduction to his latest Crosscut column:
The Alaska governor is dead center in the mainstream of middle class American life, argues a conservative Crosscut contributor.
Wow. Fasten your seat belts folks. We’re going to wander through the mind of a very deluded individual…
In my wildest dreams, I never imagined that my heart-of-hearts choice for vice president would be picked. But she was. And it was Sen. John McCain’s selection of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate, not Sen. Barack Obama’s convention acceptance speech, that was the talk of last Friday morning, Aug. 29, and through the Labor Day weekend.
Considering that 40 million people watched Barack Obama’s convention acceptance speech, and that most the news about Palin over the weekend was negative, I’m not sure how that observation passes the laugh test. But at the very least, this helps explain to anyone who hasn’t read the previous parts in this series how St. Clair earned his nickname – you really have to be smoking crack to believe some of this stuff.
And the talk has been good.
It has?
Except, of course, among many mainstream media pundits, Democrat partisans, and MSNBC, the all-Obama, all-the-time cable network that seems positively confounded by the choice.
And everyone else in the country who thought that McCain was going to make a serious pick.
A hockey mom, up-from-the-ranks political figure, mother of five (including a newborn special-needs child), whose commercial fisherman, union-member husband now is more of a stay-at-home dad, Palin’s dead center in the mainstream of middle class American life.
She would be, if it weren’t for her off-the-wall political views. Wanting creationism taught in schools is not mainstream. Wanting sex-ed removed from schools in not mainstream. And being against a woman’s right to choose is certainly not mainstream.
That her oldest son, 19-year-old Track, is a soldier on his way next month to Iraq only makes her that much more appealing — she’s got one of her own in harm’s way. As the father of two in the military, it means a lot to me to have our leaders in the same boat.
So does Joe Biden. I’m looking forward to the debates to see which one of them understands the situation that their son was sent into better.
This whole column is too long and way too nutty so I’ll just cut to the funniest parts.
Palin is also appealing as a reformer, having taken on the entrenched Republican establishment in Alaska on everything from energy to earmarks. With her record of reform and overturning the tables of Alaska’s political moneychangers, she’s a genuine instrument of change.
…
And she came out foursquare against the poster child for earmarks, the “bridge to nowhere,” a pet project of another Republican, Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens.
Crackpiper apparently hasn’t been following much of the revelations that have been coming out about Palin in recent days. It turns out that Palin was for the infamous “Bridge to Nowhere” earmark when she was running for Governor. And as Laura McGann at the Washington Independent points out, “reform” in Alaska is clearly a relative term.
As soon as she was inaugurated, gone were the state trooper security detail, the private cooks, and the private jet — Governor Palin drives her own car, something Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels might care to emulate.
And gone was the public safety commissioner, who refused to fire a state trooper for Palin over a family squabble (also gone was her willingness to testify about it).
Contrast her willingness to quit a high-paying job over matters of principle and integrity to Obama’s unwillingness to quit a church with a fulminating anti-American pastor until intense media scrutiny and increasing public pressure forced his hand.
Hey, I’m glad he brought that up because Palin was once involved with the Alaska Independence Party, a political group that challenged Alaska’s statehood and wants to secede from the United States. I’m not sure how that’s any less “anti-American” than the things that Jeremiah Wright has said, but maybe Crackpiper can try to wrap his head around that one.
As the failure of the Bush Administration has finally exposed the gaping flaws in how modern-day conservatives approach governing, the true believers like Crackpiper will continue to insist that they are the American center rather than a fringe subset of American society. Sarah Palin was the VP choice for this group of nuts, and a woman who became Governor of a state that she may or may not have thought should still be part of the United States. Of course, she’ll now abandon whatever secessionist ideas she ever had, just as she found it politically useful to oppose the “Bridge to Nowhere” now that she needs people outside of Alaska to vote for her. And while nearly everyone is wondering what the hell is going on with the McCain campaign that they could have picked someone like this, Crackpiper will be going to the polls in November convinced that Sarah Palin is the key to McCain’s victory. Seriously, I need some of what that guy’s smoking.
Now Crackpiper is going to think he is a star.
What he is is a lemming, a sheep, a fool. Pick one.
Blind faith, Crackpiper, is just that. Blind.
I too want what he is smoking. I want to be knee deep in stardust with a flock of pheasants flying out my asshole.
As I pointed out in an earlier response to one of Piper’s comments here, we can always look forward to having Frances McDormand playing the part of Gov. Palin in any upcoming movie. McDormand would be perfect for the part.
Conservatives from the Republican Party are not interested in freedom and the U.S. Constitution.
Their entire agenda is destroying America and turning all decision making over to corporations.
Even the John Birch Society denounces them.
I found the perfect nickname for Scott St. Clair:
CAPTAIN AMERICA.
Props to Generation Kill. I mean the guy is a hollow shell filled with neo-con talking points.
1
“I want to be knee deep in stardust with a flock of pheasants flying out my asshole.”
Nice image. The beauty of being a Republican is how intellectually easy it is. Think about it–reality is irrelevant, reconciling inconsistencies is pointless, saying whatever the hell you want regardless of truth is just fine.
hey speaking of crazy people in church, palin once told her church congregation that the construction of a pipeline in the state was “God’s will” and that the war in iraq was “a task that is from God.” i wonder if, once in office, the ongoing warrantless wiretapping, justice department cronyism and economic stagnation will also be “tasks that are from God.”
It could be worse, Lee. Thank God crackpiper isn’t a lawyer anymore. I’m just sayin’ …
While we’re on the subject of lawyers, I just received the latest Bar News, and of course the first thing I read is the disciplinary notices to see who got disbarred this month.
The big news this month is who didn’t get disbarred. To wit, a young Bellevue fellow admitted in 2005 (who shall not be named here) who got a 3-year suspension for the following acts:
“In March 2006, Mr. —- blocked the path of a 13-year-old girl (A.S.) with his car and attempted to engage her in conversation by sking her questions, including her name, her dog’s name, and the location of the middle school. Mr. —- did not expose himself on this occasion. In April 2006, Mr. —- approached another 13-year-0ld girl in his van and asked directions to the middle school. When she walked up to the pasenger window to answer his question, she observed him in the driver’s seat exposing his penis and masturbating. In May 2006, —- approached another girl in his car and asked directions to the middle school. As she was looking at him, he was holding something that looked like a tissue in his left hand and then uncovered his penis. In August 2006, Mr. —- approached an 11-year old girl and a nine-year-old girl on a school playground and said he was looking for a cell phone. He also said he found some money and asked if it was theirs. As he was leaving he turned and said words to the effect, ‘I have something cool to show you,’ and unzipped his pants and exposed himself to them. In September 2006, Mr. —- again blocked A.S.’s path with his car and asked her if she had seen the middle school yet. He drove away when she began to use her cell phone. Mr. —- did not expose himself on this occasion. Mr. —- was arrested that day and signed an admittedly false statement under oath.
“In January 2007, the King County Prosecutor filed an Amended Information charging Mr. —- with five gross misdemeanors, which included two counts of indecent exposure Z(RCW 9A.88.010(1)), one count of stalking (RCW 9A.46.110), and two counts of communication with a minor for immoral purposes (RCW 9.68A.090). Mr. —- pleaded guilty to the five-count Amended Information, was sentenced to consecutive 12-month terms with all but 60 days suspended and five years probation, and was required to register as a sex offender. Mr. —- admitted that from approximately April 2005 until September 25, 2006, he had engaged in a pattern of ‘cruising’ behavior in which he would drive around, generally after school let out or when he had time, looking for girls with whom to converse and expose his penis and masturbate. He admitted that, during this period of time, he attempted to expose himself 30 times and was successful on eight occasions. He also admitted that he had researched some criminal statutes before engaging in the behavior and knew it was wrong.”
(Quoted under fair use. Disclaimer: Mr. —- is not Scott St. Clair, and this disciplinary notice has nothing to do with Mr. St. Clair.)
Roger Rabbit Commentary: —- should not be a lawyer, period. The state Supreme Court, which has final say in lawyer licensing and discipline matters, should review this case and impose a discipline of disbarment. This individual lacks the requisite moral character, honesty, and judgment to engage in a profession that inherently involves being entrusted with other people’s vital personal interests. An aggravating circumstance is that his crimes resulted in an innocent man being arrested, charged, and having his name published in the newspapers. Scott St. Clair is merely a bloviating idiot and if he’s too cheap to pay bar dues of $400 a year after spending $100,000 or so to get a law degree, that’s his personal business. In his case, bar membership is, and should be, optional. On the other hand, we don’t need any pedophiles in the legal profession, and —- shouldn’t have the option of being licensed. Kick. His. Ass. Out.
“Palin is a true believer in the things that make wingnuttia what it is. She’s anti-choice. She believes in letting children figure out sex on their own. She has no knowledge or understanding of foreign policy. She questions evolution and global warming. And she can be a massive hypocrite without flinching.”
You forgot to mention she’s a book burner and a vindictive prick who uses public offices to settle personal and political scores.
Private Memo To Richard Pope
Any chance you could dig up a couple of legal briefs Scott wrote when he was a lawyer, for our amusement here on HA? I’ll bet he wrote some doozies!
Call me anything, but late for supper…
Call me anything, but call me often…
You failed to mention, Lee, that Roger Goodman quickly removed the offending photos from his website something like less than 24-hours after my column hit the streets.
And you failed to mention that when Rep. Geoff Simpson, D-Covington, did pretty close to the same thing, the PDC whacked him with a $2K fine.
What Goodman did, Goodman did – your example wasn’t something Toby Nixon did, but it was something the party did.
While you’re linking to Postman’s blog, why not mention the comment in the thread suggesting a comparison of PDC fines by party, which should prove interesting.
As far as Sarah Palin is concerned, did you forget to mention that despite all the hollow trash and unsubstantiated half-truths and rumors you cite, her approval rating in Alaska tops that of any governor in the country: 76 to 80%.
Watch how all the mud slinging the left is currently doing backfires. Watch how the sexism and foxhole-family values-conversion crap about moms and their families only serves to make working women disgusted with the lot of you.
Odd how you made no mention nor criticized Joe Biden’s decision to go ahead and get sworn in to his U.S. Senate seat despite the death of his wife and youngster back in the day. Was it wrong of Biden to take his seat? Or was that a personal, family decision best left within the Biden household?
Has the talk about Sarah Palin been good? You bet! Of course, the wacky, foamy-mouthed left, tin-foil-hatted loons with whom you hang are the exception – surprising that the institution gives them access to the Internet.
Remember that Joe Biden comes out of the primary season a loser – that’s LOSER. He lost; He withdrew; He quit – Joe Biden is a quitter.
Sarah Palin is a winner – she defeated an incumbent governor and two others in a primary, then went on to beat a former governor in the general election. Sarah Palin is a winner – she WINS elections.
Did I mention how Joe Biden is a loser on the national scene? A two-time loser? Every time he makes a stab at national office on his own, he does what? He_______(fill in the blank – hint: l***s).
Thanks, BTW, for promoting my work – if I got paid more for it, I’d put you on as my publicist.
Sorry, however, that I never made it to pick up that 68-vintage P-I – time, tide, and Washington State Ferries copped my time.
The Piper
@11 “Sarah Palin is a winner – she WINS elections”
To quote Peggy Noonan, “It’s over”. It was a “gimmick”.
It’s over, Piper. You can pack it in now and start planning for 2012. Maybe you can come up with a viable ticket next time.
Piper: “Has the talk about Sarah Palin been good? You bet! Of course, the wacky, foamy-mouthed left, tin-foil-hatted loons with whom you hang are the exception – surprising that the institution gives them access to the Internet.”
Shoot, m’lad, I thought we were friends, yet I guess I’m just part of “the wacky, foamy-mouthed left, tin-foil-hatted loons.” Palin was a huge mistake on McCain’s part, Piper. She is an Eagleton. I think I have a bit of insight into Alaska politics, being from there and all. It is rinky-dink, home field advantage stuff. Being governor there provides no transferable skills to the national scene. You know why she beat Murkowski in the primary, be honest, man. And, the Republican primary is the only thing that counts when it comes to statewide positions in Alaska. Tell me, my friend, a Democrat who has been elected to significant statewide office in Alaska in years.
11:
HUH?
@11
I still have the paper if you want to pick it up.
Scott-o
You never respond to challenges. What’s up with that, man?
I love the bit about Gov. Palin’s approval rating. A Republican governor in Alaska gets a relatively high approval rating just for showing up in the office every day. For any successor to Murkowski, the starting approval rating has to be near 90%.
I’d be willing to bet, though, particularly given the fact that she has reneged on her promise to be open about, and cooperate with the investigation into, her firing of the chief safety officer, that upcoming polls will show a falling approval rating.
Don Joe @ 17
Any Republican office holder in Alaska starts at about a 70% approval rating. Sarah Putin hasn’t held office long enough to make the enemies she will make by the end of her first term.
@13…PL…
Friends? Absolutely and you bet.
I never envisioned you in a tin-foil hat, BTW – wouldn’t go with your flowing and snowy locks.
Still, the unprecedented vituperation that’s been ralphed at Sarah Palin since two seconds after she was announced as John McCain’s pick is unprecedented…and unwarranted.
As her grand salami homerun speech demo’d last night, this chick is tough in the clinch. As an Alaskan yourself, that shouldn’t surprise you – you have to be to succeed up in The Last Frontier.
My mother spent ten-years living in Kodiak, and it toughened her as well as providing her the opportunity to earn a tidy retirement nest egg.
Yet you shortchange the Alaskan political experience by claiming she learned nothing useful in her tenure in elected and appointed office. Not so.
One thing I think she learned is how to deal with punks and scumbags, of which Washington, D.C. is full. As I noted in my Crosscut piece, the woods are filled with the broken bodies of those who have crossed Sarah Palin.
To those who find this shocking and somehow a negative, simply remember: politics is a full on contact sport. And not for the faint of heart.
In answer to your question about Dems elected? The man Sarah beat in her run for governor comes to mind. Tony Knowles had the office until 2002 after serving two consecutive terms then getting term-limited out.
As you well know, Alaska law allowed him to run again, which he did in 2006, only to be handily defeated by Sarah Palin herself.
Candidly, the “only Republicans get elected in Alaska” argument could be turned around to say, “only Democrats get elected in Delaware,” which, BTW, from a population standpoint isn’t all that larger than Alaska.
Of course, that does beg the question as to which state is more important to the United States, and the answer is pretty clear. How much energy does Delaware produce? Bloviating, hot air politicians aside, that is?
That Delaware is home to incorporation laws loved by the multi-nationals liberals love to hate never seems to get mentioned. Wonder if Joe Biden is interested in coming down foursquare in favor of reforming Delaware corporate law to make all thos big companies – Boeing, for example – more accountable?
Let’s ask him and find out – the fun we’ll have watching him stutter, stammer, then blather for about 30 or 40 minutes without saying anything should be worth the price of admission.
While we’re at it, anyone care to compare the speeches of Biden and Palin at their respective conventions?
I like what a UK commentator had to say:
Just think…if a foreigner was that blown away, how do you suppose the folks out there in the hinterlands, small towns, and neighborhoods think and feel?
Something else, too: in the words of Fred Barnes on Fox News last night, “She has the gift.” Natural ability cannot be dismissed.
Think on it…what’s the difference between, say, Oscar Azocar and Mickey Mantle? I mean, both played in the outfield for the NY Yankees, so shouldn’t that make them equal?
The devil, always being in the details, says otherwise. Azocar played but one season, 1990, appearing in but 65 games, hitting a mediocre .248 with but five homeruns and 19 RBIs.
Mantle, on the other hand, played 17 seasons with the Yankees, retiring in 1968. His career batting average was a hefty .298, with 536 homeruns and 1,509 RBIs. He was a 16-time All Star who played on seven World Series championship teams, and was three times the American League MVP. He was elected on the first ballot to the MLB Hall of Fame in 1974 with 88.2% of the vote.
While Azocar had some talent – nobody makes it to The Show without some talent – The Mick was gifted and unique.
Sarah Palin is gifted and unique – you can sense it just by looking at a photograph of her. Who then should care that she comes from Alaska? After all, The Mick came from Oklahoma, which, aside from being a basketball-team-filching state, has its own hicksville image with which it must contend. And certainly this was more so in The Mick’s day.
I’ve been watching Sarah Palin for a long time, and in my gut I sensed that she has what, if you’ll pardon my use of a gender-confused metaphor, separates the men from the boys.
Party affiliation aside, gifted politicians are fun to watch. Teddy Roosevelt, his cousin FDR, JFK, Ronaldus Magnus Reaganus, and even randy ol’ Bill Clinton bring to the game native abilities best understood by watching the baseball movie, The Natural.
Move over boys, there’s a new babe in town.
Maybe I’m jumping the gun – If I am, you’ll have oodles of chances to whack me later. But I’m here to tell you, she’s special. That she is means she’ll be derided, underestimated, sneered at, condescended to, and dismissed.
That she’ll then take that and turn it against those who do and have them for lunch will be political entertainment – payback’s a bitch.
That answer your questions?
The Piper
@15…Lee…
Thank you – I do appreciate it. I’ll try to pick it up as soon as I can – say, when next I visit Washington State Ferries HQ.
Again…much obliged.
The Piper
Poor Pooper – stuck on the superficial.
The reality is that anyone who lowers your rising energy bill by handing you a check would be popular. You have trouble making ends meet with soaring fuel costs? Anyone who throws you a lifeline would be all right in your book.
But it’s cutting your nose to spite your face. The oil industry is not keen on further, more risky investment because of Sarah’s tax hikes. And what of the rest of us? Aren’t we all going to suffer a bit because of the “Alaska first” attitude?
Palin’s mean all right. Anyone who dares cross her loses their job. Lots of bodies attest to that. And with whom does she replace the undesirables? Nodding heads and brown noses.
The oil industry is scratching their heads over the gas pipeline deal. 500 million dollars of taxpayer money for another white elephant like that sports center she left in Wasilla?
Yep, she’s perfect for the Pooper.
She believes in letting children figure out sex on their own.
I’m all for that. I just think they ought to have a little help with accurate information on contraception, STDs, and the like. Aside from that, by all means, let them figure the rest out for themselves! lol
As for Mrs. Plain, they are keeping her away from the press for as long as they can get away with it. The McCain campaign says they’re ‘getting her ready.’ Good FSM, if she isn’t ready to answer a few questions from the media, what does that say about her readiness to be Veep?
Anyone who dares cross her loses their job. Lots of bodies attest to that. And with whom does she replace the undesirables? Nodding heads and brown noses.
Sounds like something that was in the news recently regarding the Bush administration. It’s at the tip of my fingers…..oh….I think it had something to do with US Attorneys or something.
Just think…if a foreigner was that blown away, how do you suppose the folks out there in the hinterlands, small towns, and neighborhoods think and feel?
Why Piper, I hardly believe you wrote that! Wasn’t Rudy Giu911iani himself complaining about how Democrats denigrate folks who live in small towns for not being ‘cosmopolitan?’ And here you are, implying that if some limey liked her speech, the rubes in the ‘hinterlands’ are sure to be blown away. Quite the elitist.
@ 25
You misspelled “9iu11iani.”
Other than that, good comment.