Really… how could I ignore this story?
KINSHASA (Reuters) – Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.
Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.
Rumours of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo’s sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.
Apparently, Dori Monson is syndicated on Radio Kinshasa. Who knew?
What I absolutely love about wire stories like this is that no matter how absurd they get, the journalist still apparently feels obligated to write in that familiarly stodgy newswire style, even when they include quotes like this…
“When you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it’s become tiny or that they’ve become impotent. To that I tell them, ‘How do you know if you haven’t gone home and tried it’,”
“It’s real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny,” said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.
Yeah… right. I’m guessing these penis thefts are particularly common in the locker rooms at unheated swimming pools.
Anyway, I couldn’t possibly touch on this subject without closing with the classic King Missile video. But be forewarned: it’s uncensored, uncut and probably not suitable for the office or young children.