Really… how could I ignore this story?
KINSHASA (Reuters) – Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.
Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.
Rumours of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo’s sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.
Apparently, Dori Monson is syndicated on Radio Kinshasa. Who knew?
What I absolutely love about wire stories like this is that no matter how absurd they get, the journalist still apparently feels obligated to write in that familiarly stodgy newswire style, even when they include quotes like this…
“When you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it’s become tiny or that they’ve become impotent. To that I tell them, ‘How do you know if you haven’t gone home and tried it’,”
Or this…
“It’s real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny,” said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.
Yeah… right. I’m guessing these penis thefts are particularly common in the locker rooms at unheated swimming pools.
Anyway, I couldn’t possibly touch on this subject without closing with the classic King Missile video. But be forewarned: it’s uncensored, uncut and probably not suitable for the office or young children.
It would feel really wierd to loose one’s penis. Kinda like a neocon feels, I’m guessing?
LMAO! That video illustrates really well a primal conflict within the psychology of the right wing male.
In particular guys like Dorki Monson and some of the usual wingnut suspects who haunt these threads.
The truth is stranger than fiction.
But I’m not getting the connection of the video any particular ideology, right, middle or left. What does the goofy video have to do with the goofy story, and what do both of them have to do with politics?
Actually, penis theft is endemic among Republicans. Most all of them lack balls. They like to pound and their chests and act macho, but, in the end, they send others’ children to fight their wars. Perhaps if John McCain underwent penis reattachment surgery he would start talking about pulling out of Iraq.
Goldy–
Fear not. According to your one date in the last 4 years, “the sorcerers cannot steal what they cannot see!”.
I hate to post off-topic when the topic is as important as this one, but does anyone know a site that has final returns from Pennsylvania?
PenisylvaniaResults.organ
That’s what we love about Goldy. Always getting to the base of the issue, unflinchingly documenting the carnage, standing erect in the face of shrinking expectation, snatching the gist of the matter and bringing it to the fore, like a great shaft of….
Oh, I give up.
Tlaz @ 8
Nice spew.
Good one Tlazolteotl!
If the republicans are having their dicks stolen, wouldn’t that mean that democrats are stealing them?
But that doesn’t explain headless lucy. He’s a democrat.
Good news for roger rabbit
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,196685,00.html
Me thinks this should be headlined: “Penis Heft Panic…”
Now we know what happened to bybygoober and why he talks a great “I had sex with your…” game. The shamen came to his momma’s basement that night and…
Voila.
Tlaz at 8….good one! :)
Puddy @ 13….ah ha!!!
Goldy — do you think we could hire one of these guys to shrink Ann Coulter’s already tiny boobs? Just for fun, you know.
@6 I’m guessing you might want to try the Pennsylvania secretary of state or whoever runs elections in that state.
@11 “If the republicans are having their dicks stolen, wouldn’t that mean that democrats are stealing them?”
No. I have it on good authority that Republicans steal from each other.
Okay, that works. After all, why would a republican steal the dick of a democrat. It’s small and not good for much. Rumor has it that democrat dicks aren’t even long enough to stick out of their pants to piss. Which explains why so many democrats sit to piss.
Excellent example of what I said about dems and small dicks, folsom street fair.
http://www.zombietime.com/fols...../index.php
MARVIN. MOST DEMS TAKE THE BLUE PILL NOT FOR SEX BUT FOR WHEN THEY TAKE A LEAK THEY DONT PISS ON THERE SHOES.
Reuters: “Penis theft panic hits capital”
Suspects: Hillary Clinton, Maria Cantvotewell, and Queen Crissy; all want very badly to be able to pee standing up.