Scanning dozens of headlines as we do here daily so that you don’t have to, I’m struck by how vacant the once-distinguished calling of headline-writing has become. I scan my news with an RSS reader, which displays articles by header only in a long scrolling queue, all in the same typeface, with no content-based prioritization, graphic or otherwise. On this kind of laundry list, a great headline will really jump out. With an occasional exception, though, the art seems to have died — somewhat curiously, since the strictures of font size, column width and number of lines no longer constrain creativity.
Anyway, in today’s sampling we have zingers like Lewis County farmers moving forward after floods, Better bus service coming to South Lake Union, and Compromise reached on South Lake Union plan, none of which make you want to even click, let alone go thumbing through inky pages of Christmas ads. It’s not like the stories themselves demand a dull headline. That second one in particular seems pregnant with possibilities, although as Will noted we may have already OD’d on SLUT. Still, one yearns for even a hint of the wit present in “Headless Body in Topless Bar,” or “Harvard Beats Yale, 29-29,” or the one above the lonelyhearts columnist’s advisory that size doesn’t really matter: “Sum of Man Is Greater than his Parts.”
Some earnest stabs at pithiness sprinkle today’s roundup: Ho-ho-no: McDermott votes against Christmas gets a B (grading on the curve here), and A green light for rules on emission output (greenhouse gases, get it?) could’ve been a lot better. But here’s the one that really missed: To the tune of ‘Love Train,’ streetcar goes on a roll. Even Will would acknowledge an opportunity lost.
Anyway, you’ve probably gathered by now that pickings are indeed slim in the meaningful news this a.m. Most of today’s stories are simply revisitations of last week this same time. The P-I has a big hand-waver with the revelation that some roundball fans here actually could buy the Sonics (aren’t they gone yet?). And it’s true, Steve Ballmer loves basketball, to the point he at one time at least kept a framed “So glad to have met you” letter from Isiah Thomas hanging in his office. Of course, if you follow the orange rubber globe you also know that Ballmer might not be eager to walk in Thomas’ sneakers these days. So we leave you with this sodden thought: Seattle business groups apparently are pushing the city to lower taxes, arguing that Seattle is “less economically competitive.” Hey wait a minute. My taxes buy you a new purple trolley and this is the thanks I get? I’m moving to Portland!
Postscript: How did I miss this one?
Demo-thug McDermott votes against Christmas Resolution but YES on Ramadan Resolution.
Question for Regressives: Is this a vote for separation of Church and State or a vote for separation of Christianity and State?
Morning Headline: Jim McDermott, Democrat-WA, is the Antichrist.
The Tacoma fish wrapper isn’t much better.
If you think scanning newspaper headlines is bad, the headlines of most blog posts are many times worse. Bloggers would find more readers if they at least gave some hint of what they were writing about or made more of an effort to be creatively enticing.
No one will ever top this one:
DONOR WANTS KIDNEY BACK
It ran several years ago in a supermarket tabloid, and the editors apparently liked it so well they used it again a couple years later.
Actually, today’s hot news item is buried in fine print deep in the stock market news under a nondescript headline. Namely, that inflation surged in November.
The media tried to present the economic picture as “mixed.” They’re reporting that retail sales also surged, indicating the economy may not fall into recession after all. But if you read the fine print, you’ll notice ALL of the increase in retail spending is due to higher gas prices!!
This is unmitigated bad news for the economy, and for workers and consumers. It means we’re facing inflation and slowing economic growth at the same time. Back in the ’70s people called this “stagflation” and it’s hell. It means prices for basic necessities like food, fuel, and housing are skyrocketing precisely as jobs disappear and wages stagnate, putting a double squeeze on those who don’t have fat investment portfolios to fall back on.
It also means the Federal Reserve can’t fend off recession by lowering interest rates without jacking up inflation, and can’t fight inflation by raising interest rates without putting the country into a gut-wringing recession. We’re on the verge of getting the worst of both worlds — at the same time. Fasten your seatbelts, kiddies, because this ain’t gonna be fun.
This is where clueless and irresponsible Bushonomics have brought us. It was as predictable as rain in Seattle in the winter. I’ve been predicting it for some time. It’s almost here. The next 12 months are gonna be ugly.
One very small silver lining is that it’s now clear Bernanke’s politically-motivated and economically-unsound pump priming will fail in its objective of delaying the inevitable inflation and recession until the next administration is in office. This storm is going to arrive before the election, and voters will go to the polls next November in a filthy mood. You can bet they will take out their anger on the incumbent president’s party. They always do.
In other headline news, Gov. Gregoire has moved swiftly to solve the ferry crisis ravaging Port Townsend’s retail economy. The governor today announced car ferry service to Whidbey Island will be restored next month. This is being accomplished by leasing a boat from Pierce County usually used on the Anderson Island run. The governor also announced the state is moving swiftly to build new ferries for the Port Townsend run that should come on line in about a year. This is a governor who solves problems and gets things done. We’re so lucky to have her as governor. If Rossi had won, his response to this situation would be to sell the whole goddam ferry system to private interests, ignoring both history and economic reality in the process. The ferry system originally WAS privately owned, and the state took it over half a century ago because a succession of private owners went under.
I was so disgusted by my regularly-uninteresting Sunday SeaTimes that I canceled my subscription. I sent the letter directly to King Frank Blethen telling him that his newspaper was a waste of innocent trees. Frank may be so powerful that even the Courts do His bidding, but He’s not getting any more money from me.
The DJ at the streetcar event was off the hook.
Just let the Oklahoma City Carpetbaggers go, making sure only to keep the names and histories of the Sonics and Storm, so Clayboy and the Redneck Mafia have to build their history (yeah, right) from scratch.
And on another sports-realted note, Argentine soccer legend Diego Maradona has said he wants to get a tattoo of Hugo Chavez. Here’s the link:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/200.....havez_dc_1
I don’t know what’s funnier – a bloated, drug-addled cheater of a soccer player wanting a tattoo of a neocommunist dictator, or the likely embarrassment embarassment of said neocommunist dictator when he comes to the realization that his face is dangerously close to the butt of said bloated, drug-addled cheater of a soccer player….
For that whole cheating thing…..
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hand_of_God_goal
Ah yes, I recall this headline from many years ago, over an obituary in the Boston Globe:
Man Drowns Diving Off Sandwich
It helps to know Massachusetts geography.
6 You got it, Roger! Not only would Rossi move to re-privatize the state ferry system, he’d exhume Captain Peabody’s rotting corpse to run it. Could get pretty confusing, because it would be so hard to distinguish Peabody from Lou Guzzo.
9 It somehow almost passed without my notice that Anne Donovan quit.
@7 Why kill trees when you can read it free on the internet? On the other hand, if you need something to wrap fish guts in …
ArtFart@11: What do you read? Don’t worry it was rhetorical… Do you watch the local news? Each station had it.
Here is a funny headline:
Democrats Blaming Each Other For Failures
@9 Kinda sad that it takes a neocommunist dictator to do something about phone bills that take 25% of the average wage earner’s income. The people who vote for Chavez don’t even have running water. If the capitalist system had done a better job of taking care of Venezuelans — citizens of one of the planet’s most resource-rich countries — Chavez never would have got to first base.
Do you remember this one:
Typhoon rips through cemetery; hundreds dead…
I think this is classic:
Police Chief says “when we find prostitutes on our streets, we stay on top of them”!
@15 Yeah, we do that, puttybutt. We’re not like you Republican fuckwads. Democrats don’t reward failure or cover up for nincompoops.
Pelletizer (TM) can relate to this headline from a newspaper 2002:
“Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?”
Richard, what really happened in this 2002 headline:
“Prostitutes Appeal to Pope”