by Goldy, 11/07/2006, 2:18 AM

Local Democrats have a lot of reasons to feel awfully damn confident about today’s election, but the weather is not one of them. Higher turnout generally favors Democrats, lower turnout Republicans. And heavy rain? Well, that’s never good for Democratic turnout.

But don’t take my word for it. On this soggy Election Day let’s harken back to the sage advice of state Sen. Luke Esser (R-Nervous), who wrote a column on this very same subject in the UW Daily, way back on Nov. 3, 1986, the day before that year’s midterm election.

Blame us for the rain tomorrow.

Forget what the weatherman says, and plan on wearing those galoshes Tuesday. You better trust us. We’re taking care of everything.

There’s a very good reason why we have decide to rain on your parade. It’s just politics. And taken the right way, politics can be a lot of fun, almost as fun as sports.

We all remember those great political traditions — whistle-stop tours, kissing babies, voter fraud, dirty tricks, and voting a straight Republican ticket.

Of course, no honest person would be content to blindly vote a straight Republican ticket. That’s because a few of the G.O.P. candidates aren’t conservative enough to deserve the honor of sharing party affiliation with the likes of President Reagan.

Like any sport worth its salt, in politics you have adversaries, opponents, enemies. Our enemies are loudmouth leftists and shiftless deadbeats. To win the election, we have to keep as many of these people away from the polls as possible.

Now your average leftist loudmouth is a committed individual and can almost never be persuaded to ignore his constitutional rights. The deadbeats, however, are a different matter entirely. Years of interminable welfare checks and free government services have made these modern-day sloths even more lazy. They will vote on election day, if it isn’t much of a bother. But even the slightest inconvenience can keep them from the polling place.

Many of the most successful anti-deadbeat voter techniques (poll taxes, sound beatings, etc.) that conservatives have used in the past have been outlawed by busybody judges.

The only means of persuasion left available to us are Acts of God, who we know is exclusively on our side. I’m talking about seriously inclement weather. I want Biblical floods and pestilence. I will settle for rain, sweet rain. The deadbeats won’t even go out in the rain for their welfare checks (they send one of their social workers to pick it up). There’s no way they’ll vote if it’s raining.

Unfortunately it hasn’t been raining nearly enough lately. Some October days were positively balmy. That means the clouds need a little help.

Borrowing some of the great traditions of the natives of our area, Washington conservatives will gather in Bellevue tonight to hold their first annual Rain Dance. Those interested can gather in the northeast parking lot of Bel Square (corner of N.E. 8th St. and Bellevue Way) at 8 p.m.

Working together, we can assure that only people of substance will vote tomorrow. Remember to bring your dancing shoes tonight and don’t forget those galoshes tomorrow.

Fat, hairy Luke EsserAh well, some things never change… that is, other than Esser’s hippie beard and tub-o-lard college physique. (And for those of you who don’t accept Esser’s denial that he is gay, just take a look at that wardrobe. Have you ever seen a gay man with such an utter lack of fashion sense?)

Esser doesn’t just want to suppress the Democratic vote, he’s proud of it. And while I suppose his column may have been a feeble attempt at humor, many a feeble truth is said in feeble jest. In fact, if one didn’t know better, one might think that this was a satirical column written by Democrat pretending to be a Republican.

Poll taxes, beatings, voter fraud… young master Luke apparently thought all that was funny. But then, what’s the big deal when your enemies are just a bunch of loudmouth leftists and shiftless deadbeats?

So if you haven’t yet voted, and you’re not sure if you really want to trudge through the rain to cast your ballot, just remember that fat, hairy Luke and his Republican buddies are laughing at you. Then go to the polls and kick the bastards out.

34 Responses to “Luke Esser’s tradition: “voter fraud, dirty tricks, and voting a straight Republican ticket””

1. danw spews:

Dear Voters of Seattle,

Today is Election Day and our Republican candidates need your vote. We’ve tried to buy it, but were going back to fear.

I ask you to cast your ballot for Republican candidates who will keep America on the offense in the War on Terror, If your not happy with Iraq, there are lots of places we can go, like Venezula, they have a commie in charge. keep taxes low to grow our economy and work for our conservative values. I know we have been a little lax on values lately, with all our leaders going to Jail, or ending up pedophiles or gay, but we still hate gays, except our staffers.

There are fundamental differences in this election. Our country cannot afford to elect a Democrat Congress that would abandon our strategy for victory in the War on Terror The word is strategery, Haliburton has 2 more years of Cost plus contracts in Iraq that we promised them, don’t make them come home until we’ve fully fucked up Iraq. and raise taxes to pay for their reckless spending. Okay so we used a free credit cards to pay for our reckless spending, but who gives a shit, that’s for the next generation to figure out how to service the debt, it worked for Regan.

Laura and I urge you to vote Republican Some people call you the filthy rich, I call you my base and to ask all your family and friends to go to the polls. The stakes are too high for you to stay at home. If you want to have a domestic house servant that speaks english, then let’s stay on course. There will be plenty of Americans willing to clean and teach your children for minimum wage if they are starving. This is the best way to keep Illegals out, lets develop an economy like Mexico, where our people have to go to Canada to find work.

Sincerely,

George W. You’re gonna love my signing statements when they come out Bush

Klake is a turd and a Nazi in the words of a famous rabbit.
So Klake, want to fight them over there instead of your basement apartment, then get you ass over there and start killing. It takes a while to kill a Billion people. Because everyone you kill, you make 5 more terrorists. So you better get busy. or the terrorists are gonna come into your house and grab your channel changer and make you watch soccer.

2. vancouver sucks spews:

So klake, JCH …which one of you hate spewers is little Eddy Orcutt?

3. klake spews:

Dear Voters of Seattle,

Today is Election Day and our Republican candidates need your vote.

I ask you to cast your ballot for Republican candidates who will keep America on the offense in the War on Terror, keep taxes low to grow our economy and work for our conservative values.

There are fundamental differences in this election. Our country cannot afford to elect a Democrat Congress that would abandon our strategy for victory in the War on Terror and raise taxes to pay for their reckless spending.

Laura and I urge you to vote Republican and to ask all your family and friends to go to the polls. The stakes are too high for you to stay at home.

Sincerely,

George W. Bush

4. Truth2006 spews:

I find that horrible, simple horrible. Let me be the first to remind all of you that when you get to the polls this Wednesday, think of him. That’ll teach him. ;)

5. klake spews:

Dear Klake,

This is the most crucial midterm election in decades. Control of Congress hangs in the balance. The polls and the political pundits all say that the Democrats could win enough seats to take the majority. Victory is finally within reach.

You certainly know how important these elections are. Please vote Democratic today. And I urge you to not stop there — ask your friends, your family and your neighbors to join you. I am sure you know of a voter who wants our country to move in a new direction, but doesn’t vote in non-presidential years. We need to convince them to go to the polls and make their voice heard — because every vote matters.

Just think — there are close to two million members of the DCCC community who are reading this email. If they all got just one voter off the fence and into the voting booth, it would be the equivalent of one of the biggest field operations in the country.

Democrats could not have gotten here without you and we won’t bring a Democratic victory home without your vote today. Let’s win this together.

Onward to a great Democratic victory.

Nancy Pelosi
House Democratic Leader

P.S. Please visit http://www.dccc.org after 7pm Eastern today for the most up-to-date poll results.

6. rhp6033 spews:

I’m hearing scattered reports from around the country of people in Democratic districts receiving phone calls yesterday from “election officials” advising them that their polling location had changed, and that they should not go to their regular polling location.

I was about to advise everyone to make sure to ignore any such warnings, as they are an attempt to rob them of their vote.

Then I learned that because of last night’s flooding, several Western Washington precincts are changing their voting locations.

So be smart about it. Check with your County Elections office if there is any doubt about where you should vote. I suspect that any changes will be prominently displayed on their web sites.

Of course, for those of us in Snohomish County who voted by mail, it won’t make that much of a difference. If you haven’t already mailed your ballot, just make sure you find an open post office which will postmark your ballot with today’s date. Don’t put it in a mailbox, because with the flooding there is no guarantee that mailbox will get a pickup today.

7. Harry Tuttle spews:

These guys are just hilarious all right.

Too bad they don’t get more chances to joke with Bubba in jail.

8. RightEqualsStupid spews:

Here’s what you’ll hear from the ignorant, inbred, republican right as of Wed….

….

…..

CRICKETS!

9. JCH [PA] spews:

Vote Democrat!!! Sincerely, Osama bin Landin

10. JCH [PA] spews:

Dear Democrat Mooooooooooslims, “guvment” employee parasites, union hacks, Daddy Love, GBS, JDB, and welfare losers, If it is raining, you can vote on Wednesday!!! Relax and vote when the weather is better!!!! Best regards, JCH

11. rhp6033 spews:

One factor I haven’t seen in the polls is how the vote is splitting among young people ages 18-25.

Since the first election in which 18 year yolds participated (1972), both parties were somewhat dissapointed to find that they could get no advantage from that group. Surprisingly, they tended to vote in lower numbers than their parents, but when they did vote, they usually voted exactly the same as their parents did.

In the interim, both parties have attempted to “capture” the “youth vote”, with minimal success. The most recent attempt was part of Bush’s “Social Security Reform” plan, where young people would direct a portion of their social security taxes into a self-directed investment account for their own retirement. Of course, that means there would be less available to pay for the retirement of the baby-boomers, and it was widely seen (correctly) as an attempt to “buy” the youth vote at the expense of the baby-boomers.

But my own experiences and conversations with these young adults have shown that Iraq is a “hot button” issue for many of them. Most of them know someone who either went to Iraq, is currently in Iraq, or has returned from Iraq. They see the war in Iraq as potentially becoming their own generation’s Vietnam, a morass which will continue to chew up their classmates and may ultimately result in a re-instatement of the draft. So even young people who are active in conservative evangelical churches are considering voting for Democrats, rather than Republicans, this year.

I don’t know if Darcy Burner or Peter Goldmark will win. I hope they do, but Darcy’s had some difficulty mounting an adequate response to the millions of dollars of national money poured into the sleezy TV ads against her this past week. And the fact that Goldmark is even in the running in Eastern Washington shows that the Republicans have lost a lot of support along the way.

So even if Burner and Goldmark don’t win, the Republicans won’t be able to take away much joy from those victories. A year ago Republicans were planning to use their smear campaigns to take away even more seats in Congress from Democrats, to create a “fillibuster-proof” Senate and an even more compliant House. They planned to use that advantage to eliminate the federal estate tax, privatize social security, eliminate key portions of the Voting Rights Act, and continue to spend the nation’s treasury like it was their daddy’s credit card.

Instead, Republicans had to pour tens of millions of dollars to defend two relatively “safe” seats from novice Democratic challengers that they had never even heard of a year ago. Even McGavick decided that his own race wasn’t worth investing more than a small portion of the 28+ million dollars he received from Safeco, apparantly deciding to save that money for another political run elswhere, at a more convenient time.

12. John Barelli spews:

“Sorry for posting twice, but keep forgetting to always post to the latest thread…Right=Stupid said the same thing…we have to set up a division to out thug the thugs. The, look out world:”

Commentby menschwench— 11/7/06@ 7:07 am

“I’ve said it 1000 times. Until we stoop as low as they do, we’ll loooooose. I hope that Dems finally understand that the GOP will lie, cheat, steal, murder, OUT CIA agents, whatever they have to do to win. We should do the same.”

Commentby RightEqualsStupid— 11/7/06@ 4:46 am

– -

I posted this to RightEqualsStupid on another thread in response to his assertion that we need to play as dirty as the Republicans. It applies to menschwench as well, and that bet is also open to her.

Essentially, my position is that we should not emulate the tactics of the losers.

– -

This election seems the perfect time to test your position. The Republicans have pulled out all the stops on this in order to hold onto control of the House and keep us from making gains in the Senate.

They’ve lied, cheated, used every method available to suppress the vote, violated federal and state laws and generally outdone themselves as to how low they can manage to go in the name of “win at all costs”.

While there have been a few isolated exceptions, primarily carried out by individuals with what could be described as an “excess of zeal”, we’ve run an amazingly clean, honest campaign.

If, as I suspect, we win control of the House and make substantial gains in the Senate, then my position, that honest and ethical campaigning is the way to go and is in the long-term best interest of the Democrats will be vindicated. The voters will have spoken and said, in no uncertain terms, that character and ethics matter.

But, if the Republicans do manage to hold onto control of the House, then you may have a point, even if I will still believe that ethics are more important than victory.

If we take control of the House, the last thing we want to do is to emulate the tactics of the folks that lost. At that point, it would not only be unethical and morally wrong, it would be stupid.

We’ve run a clean, ethical campaign and I think that the Democrats will gain control of the House this election using honest campaining. That is how I define a “win”.

You seem to think that the dishonest and unethical methods that the Republicans are using will allow them to retain control of the House. That would be a win for them.

Care to put a small wager on who wins control of the House of Representatives? Say, $100 to the charity of the winner’s choice? Mine would be the Northwest Lions Club Sight and Hearing Foundation. I’m not much of a gambler, but I think this one is a sure bet.

Honesty and ethics is the way to win long-term.

“You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time” – P. T. Barnam (often attributed to Lincoln)

13. MtrRainier spews:

watching the results from Caracas, Venezuela……a new beginning for all of us starts today. If you vote with your conscience, the Democratic party will prevail

14. JCH [PA] spews:

Democrats, If it’s raining, you can always vote on Wednesday!!!

15. klake spews:

So, Pope et al, watch out – the Demodirt is gonna get you next time. Saddam Hussein has name recognition – perhaps he should run in King County as a Republican. (What else would he be?)
Love from The Soon to be Euphoric Wench
Commentby menschwench— 11/7/06@ 7:07 am

Mr. Menschwench I do believe that is the crowd that your Social Democrats support along with the terrorist invading our borders. What you forget the Democrat Party was taken over by the Socialist and it is now split. The victory you are claiming will not be as sweet as you think. Today Osama bin Laden thanks you for the fine support.

16. GBS spews:

I voted today and I voted straight Democratic ticket on every candidate and every issue. So, too, did to ther members of my family.

3 votes for Sen. Cantwell and soon to be Rep. Burner.

It was fun, but you’re done.

No more posting on HA blog for you, bud.

17. horsesasp spews:

That pic of Esser is funny!!!
Do you have one of Rodney Tom wearing a cocktail dress from twenty years ago?

18. menschwench spews:

Hi Kids,

Sorry for posting twice, but keep forgetting to always post to the latest thread…Right=Stupid said the same thing…we have to set up a division to out thug the thugs. The, look out world:

I dropped by to see if the signal-to-whine ratio from the republitrolls would be as high as I expected. I’m not disappointed. I have one thing to say to the rethugs…we’re gonna hand you a big old can of whupass this time and if, as I hope, we actually swallow our ethics and set up a few pockets of rovery for 2008, look out. If we tied Haggard and Foley and Hastert and … oh, g-d, the list is endless…around your collectively wattled necks, you would be toast(ed). How about a few charming comments about E. Dole’s appearance while we’re at it? We could make it impossible for her to leave home without a bag over her head.

Sadly, I must admit, I hope we do. One–it would scare the blip out of you; (whiners always whine especially loudly when they get hoist on their own petards)—”It’s not Faaaaaair”. And two, since you’ve paved the way for us, we know it apparently works.

So, Pope et al, watch out – the Demodirt is gonna get you next time. Saddam Hussein has name recognition – perhaps he should run in King County as a Republican. (What else would he be?)

Love from The Soon to be Euphoric Wench

19. For the Clueless spews:

A little humor for the wingnuts:

Here and here.

20. vancouver sucks spews:

Dear Klake,

I am so sorry for the other evening. I had no idea that “blow job” meant THAT!

21. JCH [PA] spews:

Dear Democrat Mooooooooooslims, “guvment” employee parasites, union hacks, Daddy Love, GBS, JDB, and welfare losers, If it is raining, you can vote on Wednesday!!! Relax and vote when the weather is better!!!! Illegals CANNOT VOTE!!! Border Patrol will be at EVERY poll to arrest you and bus you ass back to Mexico!!!! Democrat Felons will be arrested at the polls and your drugs and weapons will be taken. Finally, NY Jews “double” voting in NY and Miami will be “boxcarred”!!!! Best regards, JCH

How many vans did black democrats in Milwaukee destroy last night???

22. klake spews:

KLake, you are really an ignorant fuck. Got to be a real putz to think that your bigotted, neocon, syphillitic rants will convince anyone here to vote for your inbred maggots. This announcement was approved by Newt Gingrich

Commentby Cougar— 11/7/06@ 8:13 am

Leave a Comment
SWEET with the help from Roger Rabbit I will be love by all you left wing chaps. Now that the Socialist Democrat way everyone will love us in the end. Pease, Love, and pass that joint around.

23. RightEqualsStupid spews:

G.O.P. Backs Same-Sex Massage

Republicans Surprise Voters with Election Day Hail Mary

In one of the most stunning November surprises in recent memory, the
Republican Party today declared its unequivocal support for a
constitutional amendment legalizing same-sex massage.

Buffeted in recent weeks by sex scandals involving former congressman
Mark Foley and conservative evangelist Ted Haggard, the G.O.P had been
expected to steer clear of any issues that might remind the electorate
of those controversies — making its decision to back a same-sex massage
amendment all the more startling.

But at a press conference at the White House, top Republican tactician
Karl Rove said that the G.O.P. had decided to adopt an “if you can’t
beat ‘em, join ‘em” strategy to win over undecided voters on Election
Day.

“This constitutional amendment defines massage as a rub-down between a
man and a man, one of whom may or may not be selling crystal meth,” Mr.
Rove said.

The same-sex massage amendment was not the only Hail Mary pass thrown by
a Republican on Election Day, as Virginia senate candidate George Allen
attempted to close the gender gap in his race by announcing that he was
a woman.

Mr. Allen, who did not know he was Jewish until earlier this year, said
he made a similar discovery about his gender on the eve of the midterm
election.

“When I discovered that I was a woman after all of these years of
believing I was a man, all I could think was, ‘Oy,’” Mr. Allen said.

Elsewhere, an Iraqi court sentenced former dictator Saddam Hussein to
death by hanging or by living in Baghdad, whichever comes first.

24. For the Clueless spews:

To win the election, we have to keep as many of these people away from the polls as possible.

The words of Luke Esser. Thanks Luke. You’ve given me a new phrase to rub in the wingnuts’ faces every chance I get!

Reading that piece of garbage, it reminds me of so many wingnut comments here over the years. It even insults moderate Republicans. Could Luke Esser be pbj?

Nice job Goldy. Everybody now: VOTE THESE BASTARDS OUT!

25. roger rabbit spews:

If Luke’s so evil, why vote for him?

26. roger rabbit spews:

“Elsewhere, an Iraqi court sentenced former dictator Saddam Hussein to
death by hanging or by living in Baghdad, whichever comes first.”

Iraqis should no longer have to suffer now that Saddam’s gone!

27. JCH [PA] spews:

All polls must close on time except black Democrat polls which will stay open until the election count is “correct” [see King County]. hehe, JCH

28. JCH [PA] spews:

Dear Democrat Mooooooooooslims, “guvment” employee parasites, union hacks, Daddy Love, GBS, JDB, and welfare losers, If it is raining, you can vote on Wednesday!!! Relax and vote when the weather is better!!!! Illegals CANNOT VOTE!!! BTW, Border Patrol and police with big dogs will be at EVERY poll to arrest you and bus you ass back to Mexico!!!! Democrat Felons will be arrested at the polls and your drugs and weapons will be taken. Finally, NY Jews “double” voting in NY and Miami will be “boxcarred”!!!! Best regards, JCH

How many vans did black democrats in Milwaukee destroy last night???

29. John425 spews:

Hey Goldy- what voter fraud techniques have you instructed your Klansmen to use in the 8th CD? Phony voter registrations? Mulitple votes per Klansmen? Or what?

30. roger rabbit spews:

“Klake is a turd and a Nazi in the words of a famous rabbit.”

EXACTLY! I’M the famous rabbit who thinks that!!!!

31. roger rabbit spews:

-BREAKING-

Ok, so this mother takes her baby and uses a knife to make cuts all over, puts it in a bag and throws it in a river. Then this fisher guy comes, fishes out the bag and the baby’s leg falls off.

32. Cougar spews:

KLake, you are really an ignorant fuck. Got to be a real putz to think that your bigotted, neocon, syphillitic rants will convince anyone here to vote for your inbred maggots. This announcement was approved by Newt Gingrich

33. The Real Mark spews:

You guys are IDIOTS! — especially you, Goldy. That column that you’re posting is totally over-the-top and is SATIRE! Note the disclaimer at the bottom. It was hyperbole to simply stir things up. At least in those days, the Daily was quite irreverent — it was a COLLEGE PAPER — and mixed real news in with potshots at almost everyone. Jim Caple, the ESPN columnist, was another Daily writer at that time. Do you take all of his columns seriously?

How do I know? I was at the Daily when Luke was there. Some of this columns even bore the byline “Luke ‘The Truth’ Esser.”

I haven’t spoken to Luke in almost 20 years and it is possible he has changed, but back then, I found him to be an all-around nice guy to everyone — Left and Right (and there were PLENTY of Dems & Lefties to be found at the Daily and on campus).

34. klake spews:

BAGHDAD, Iraq – Saddam Hussein returned to court Tuesday for his genocide trial, two days after another panel convicted him of crimes against humanity and sentenced him to hang.

Saddam, smiling faintly and dressed in a black suit with white shirt, found his way quietly to his seat among the other six defendants charged in the Operation Anfal crackdown against Iraqi Kurds in the late 1980s.

The chief judge then convened the session and called the first witness, Qahar Khalil Mohammed.

On Sunday, another five-judge panel convicted Saddam in the deaths of nearly 150 Shiite Muslims following a 1982 assassination attempt against him in the town of Dujail in 1982.

He and two others were sentenced to death by hanging. Four co-defendants received lesser sentences and one was acquitted.

The Anfal trial will continue while an appeal in the Dujail case is under way. The prosecution says about 180,000 Kurds, most of them civilians, were killed in the crackdown in 1987-88.

On Tuesday, Mohammed told the court that he and other men from his village surrendered to Iraqi soldiers after being promised that Saddam had issued an amnesty for them.

Instead, the 33 men were lined up at the bottom of a hill and soldiers opened fire on them.

“When they fired in our direction, we all fell to the ground,” he said.

Mohammed said he was wounded but survived and managed to get away.

“When I went back, I saw my father and two brothers had been killed, as well as 18 of my relatives,” he testified.

On Monday, the chief prosecutor in the Dujail case said a nine-judge appeals panel was expected to rule on Saddam’s guilty verdict and death sentence by the middle of January. That could set in motion a possible execution by mid-February.

Iraqi authorities imposed a lockdown on Baghdad and surrounding provinces in anticipation of the Sunday verdict. Those measures were lifted Monday after a feared surge in violence failed to materialize, although there were pro-Saddam rallies throughout Sunni Muslim areas of the country.

Shiites and Kurds, who suffered terribly under Saddam’s rule, hailed the sentence as just.

If the appeals court upholds the sentences, all three members of the Presidential Council – President Jalal Talabani and Vice Presidents Tariq al-Hashimi and Adil Abdul-Mahdi – must sign death warrants before executions can be carried out.

Talabani said Monday that although he opposes capital punishment, his signature is not needed to carry out Saddam’s death sentence. Talabani, a Kurd, has permanently authorized Abdul-Mahdi, a Shiite, to sign on his behalf. Abdul-Mahdi has said he would sign Saddam’s death warrant, meaning two of three signatures were assured.

Al-Hashimi, the other vice president and a Sunni, gave his word that he also would sign a Saddam death sentence as part of the deal under which he got the job April 22, according to witnesses at the meeting, which was attended by U.S. Ambassador Zalmay Khalilzad.

“We wanted a written promise before the first meeting of the new parliament. But later and during a meeting in the presence of American and British ambassadors and other politicians, the promise became oral in which he vowed not to oppose important rules and laws – especially those related to Saddam,” Deputy Parliament Speaker Khaled al-Attiyah told the AP.

Yep the Socialist Democrats still support Saddam running the country of Iraq.