I need a chainsaw

Really. I’m finally doing the yard work I’ve been putting off for over a year, and I need to borrow a chainsaw. So if you’ll be at Drinking Liberally tonight, and you have a chainsaw you’re willing to lend me, please bring it with you. I promise not to mass murder anybody. (But if I do, don’t worry, Dave Reichert will catch me 18 or so years from now.)

Other than that, consider this an open thread.


  1. 2


    A city boy like you wouldn’t know how to use one, and even if you tried, you’d use a 10″ Homelite!

    Besides, they’re not “green,” belching, as they do, that unmistakable blue-white exhaust and oil-rich aroma.

    State law says you have to dip snoose while using one. And wear black woolen longjohns.

    The Piper

  2. 3

    DustinJames spews:

    So I’ve been checking out Burnt Orange today, and I am even more excited about Clinton’s chances in Texas now more than ever.


    Because of the way the primary allocates votes by delegates, an overwhelming barrage of votes for Obama in Austin do nothing to her in the rest of the districts. If she carries a lot of the latino outer districts, she’s going to come out of Texas winning the majority of the delegates in the primary.

    That on top of the 12% she’s up in Ohio and 14% in Rhode Island, I can’t wait to wear my shirt again next Tuesday:


  3. 5

    proud leftist spews:

    While I’m sure the McCain campaign is grateful to you for your efforts on its behalf, I wouldn’t count on getting a paid position with that campaign during the general election season. I don’t want you to put all your eggs in one basket and end up homeless.

  4. 6

    John Wyble spews:

    You may want to warn Montlake Ale House that a bunch of people may be coming through the front door with chainsaws.

  5. 7

    DustinJames spews:

    While I know you speak in humor – have you seen how much these campaign positions make? A hell of a lot of “change”.

  6. 9

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    I’d bring my teeth, which can chew through concrete and rebar faster than a chainsaw, but I’m still sick and can’t attend DL tonight.

  7. 10

    proud leftist spews:

    I love my old Stihl, even if it does kick out a bit too much exhaust. I’d challenge GW to a duel anyday. Of course, I’m confident he’d violate the no swiping at the groin rule that is a given in chainsaw dueling.

  8. 11



    Say what you will about the Swedes, but they make one Helluva of chain saw! My 18″ O24 “Wood Boss” Stihl has cut many a chord of wood with nary a kickback scar to show for my efforts.

    The thing Goldy will need to know, however, is that if he’s successful in scamming…oops, I mean borrowing…a chain saw is that he should be scrupulous in using the right fuel mix, and he’ll need to use the same type of oil that is customarily used in that saw (brand, that is). Saws get funky about any changes in their diet, and there’s nothing worse than having one crap out half way through a cut all because it gets a fuel-induced bellyache.

    Interesting, though, that he needs a chainsaw after all these months. What? A tree fall through the HA Happy HooliHovel and only now is he getting to bucking the thing up? Or is this one of those pruning the dogwood with overkill situations?

    I’m going to keep a close eye on the obits over the next several days. A city boy and a chain saw is a one-way ticket to Evergreen Washelli.

    The Piper

  9. 12

    rhp6033 spews:

    So McCain made a speech in Cincinnati, with the crowd being warmed up by a right-wing talk radio host named Bill Cunningham.


    Cunningham used his usual talk-radio spiel, which apparantly found a receptive audience as he called Obama a “typical Chicago-style politician” and repeatedly referred to him by his middle name, putting the emphasis on “Hussein”.

    The headlines shortly after the rally were that McCain repudicated the remarks. The quote from McCain:

    I apologize for it,” McCain told reporters, addressing the issue before they had a chance to ask the Arizona senator about Cunningham’s comments.

    “I did not know about these remarks, but I take responsibility for them. I repudiate them,” he said. “My entire campaign I have treated Senator Obama and Senator (Hillary Rodham) Clinton with respect. I will continue to do that throughout this campaign.””

    Okay, kudos to McCain for going that far. But I have to wonder if he isn’t willing to take the benefits of the venting from the conservative right wing, but talking out of the other side of his mouth when he’s talking to the national media at large. McCain didn’t repuidiate the comments at the rally, he did so afterwards, out of earshot of the attendees or the speaker.

    And consider the comments of Ohio Rep. Bob Portman, a possible McCain running-mate and the fellow who took the microphone from Cunningham in order to introduce McCain:

    “Willie, you’re out of control again. So, what else is new? But we love him,” Portman said. “But I’ve got to tell you, Bill Cunningham lending his voice to this campaign is extremely important. He did it in 2000, he did it in 2004. It was crucial to victory then and it’s even more important this year with his bigger radio audience. So, Bill Cunningham, thank you for lending your voice.”

    So, is McCain being marketed as another “compassionate conservatie” (as was Bush in 2000), all while his surrogates whip up the right-wing with hate-filled speech which more accurately reflects where the candidate is headed?

  10. 13

    Particle Man spews:

    Drinking liberally NW style: Re chainsaws: “Bring m if you got m” kind of reminds me of this line “I love the smell of Napalm in the morning”….

  11. 14

    rhp6033 spews:

    Why use a chainsaw? pick up a good old-fashioned bow saw from the local hardware store. You will get some more exercise, and save your neighbors an earache.

  12. 15



    Ever tried to fell and buck a mature fir tree with a box saw? The old timers would use a two-handed crosscut, but not today. I use my bow saw on anything 4″ or less, but bigger than that and you’ll get not only exercise but a trip to the doc for muscle relaxants and an anti-inflammatory!

    Besides…given that it’s Goldy? Isn’t annoying the neighbors one of his goals?

    The Piper

  13. 17

    GBS spews:

    Chainsaw?!?! Why for??

    All you need is about 5 gallons of gasoline. Put the gas in one of those sprayers people use in their gardens and spray the gasoline on the vegetation and “wahhhh-la!” Job done.

    Or you can mix 1 part gasoline, 1 part Styrofoam, one part powdered laundry detergent, mix well and let it set to a gel like substance.

    Put it in a big balloon and throw it low and fast over the offending vegetation. Toss in a lit Zippo lighter and problem solved.

    Especially fun at night.

    If you still wan to do it the old fashion way, I suppose a chainsaw would work.

  14. 18

    rhp6033 spews:

    PS @ 15: I’ve cut oak up to about 16″ in diamater using a bow saw, although admittedly it was in my younger days.

    I’m assuming that Goldie is just trying to trim some limbs and such. If you aren’t used to using a chainsaw, being high up on a ladder or perched on a tree branch isn’t the best place to learn.

  15. 19



    was this a typo?

    Goldy asked to borrow a chainsaw and then said:

    “Other than that, consider this an open threat.”

    Next ting he will run for office on the “No chainsaw left behind” ticket like jos hero GW Bush, the phony conservative.

  16. 20

    Marvin Stamn spews:

    #15 Piper Scott says:

    Besides…given that it’s Goldy? Isn’t annoying the neighbors one of his goals?

    Possibly the chainsaw would be more welcome in the neighborhood.
    I wonder if the radio station goldy works for ever considered a chainsaw.

  17. 22



  18. 23

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    A college friend of mine worked in a chainsaw shop. He said they had a Russian chainsaw, and as of the 1970s, the Russkies still didn’t know how to build a carburetor that could run in any position accept straight up. If you tilted the saw, it would quit.

  19. 25


    To be clear, the chainsaw is to dismantle an old pear tree that blew over last winter during the windstorm. It is lying on its side, so there’s not much need of a ladder.

    I’d also like to use it to cut down the 10 foot trunk of long dead cherry tree, before it falls onto my porch. I think I can strategically fell it onto its side, away from the house, so again, no ladder needed to cut it up.

    (FYI, these are hundred year old trees… not huge, but not skinny little things.)

  20. 26

    Marvin Stamn spews:

    #25 Goldy said:

    To be clear, the chainsaw is to dismantle an old pear tree…
    I’d also like to use it to cut down the 10 foot trunk

    Do what my liberal friends down here in los angeles do. Hire an illegal.

  21. 27

    correctnotright spews:

    @15: done 10-15 inches diameter with a bow saw.
    goldy: Just make the triangle in the direction you want the tree to fall (neighbors house, electrical wires or noisy dog).

    Anything bigger – use a chain saw. Make as much noise as possible, wear plaid and swear every 2-3 seconds – works like a charm.

    Be sure to trim the larger branches – have sig. other move quickly underneath to pick them up….without being directly in line…

    Hardwoods are easier – wood is a little tougher but less sap this time of year.

    speaking of sap – we need more columns on Reichert – I love the deer in the headlights look he gets trying to answer a question.

  22. 28



    Make sure…back cut first, then undercut on the other side. Get two friends with ropes to pull on the trunk and make sure the ropes are high enough up such that you’re pulling the top, not the bottom.

    But we know the real truth…You’re looking to open Goldy’s Discount Vasectomy Clinic! Where your motto is, “Nuts to you!”

    The Piper

  23. 30



    Let’s just hope that Goldy’s off-the-shelf operation doesn’t see him ending up in some penal colony somewhere!

    The Piper

  24. 31

    mark spews:

    Be sure you get the required tree permits, 3 day waiting
    period and file an environmental impact statement. Plus
    your stormwater management paperwork better be up to date.
    Then a grading permit to fill in the hole. There would be
    more if not for the BIAW trust me. OH and sorry you cant
    burn the branches (burn ban) those will have to be hauled out of state.

  25. 32

    Mr. Cynical spews:

    There are plenty of unemployed loggers in Western Washington….unemployed due to Goldy’s Marxist enviro-KLOWN pals…that would gladly knock down that tree for free using Goldy as a sledge hammer to knock it down.
    Goldy, just go to a bar & Aberdeen and scream “Loggers are looooooooooooosers”. You’ll be amazed at the volunteers.

    PS–Be careful. Chain saws don’t have training wheels & do-overs.

  26. 33

    Mr. Cynical spews:

    You forgot the fact that Goldy must also hire an arborist for $1000 to verify the need to cut down the tree.
    All tolled…that tree will take 6 years and $6000 to cut down in Seattle.
    Goldy, I’d like you to meeting the Seattle Bureaucrat of Scottish descent who will be guiding you thru this costly tree surgery.
    His name is:

  27. 35

    FricknFrack spews:

    And be SURE to wear Safety Glasses, everyone involved!! A flying splinter can do damage to an eyeball. Thank heavens my best friend just happened to be wearing sunglasses when it almost happened to her.

  28. 36

    rhp6033 spews:

    @35: Good point about the safety glasses. Years ago, I was swinging an axe at some logs, and a splinter shot up and hit me in the eye. It managed to shatter a contact lense. Sure, it was made of hard plastic back then, but can you imagine what that spinter would have done if it had gone directly into my cornea? As it was, it took the doctor over an hour to pick the pieces of my contact lense out of my eye.

  29. 37

    terry wagar spews:

    my name is terry wagar I’m e-mailing you because I’m at a loss as to what i can do about a very dangerous murder conspiracy against me and others, for over 2 and a half years I’ve suffered from this conspiracy, it began { as best as i can tell,} when my wife joan wagar started having a affair with a co-worker named eric carlson, there affair started around April of 2005, i had reason to believe they was trying to kill me back then but i wasnt sure at the time, I’m very very sure now! there is a very interesting fact about eric that joan tried to hide from me and my daughters, he is almost identical in appearance to me! my wife nicknamed him doubleclick, when i learned of my wifes affair i also learned of that nickname and asked joan “why do you call him doubleclick ” she said ” oh thats what everyone calls him at work,” ever since my wife joan insisted her affair was over, it never ended, year and a half all kinds of odd things was happening i started getting very sick from time to time, i suspected she was poisoning me but was not sure at the time, i am now! in early 2006 around Feb or mar i went to the hospital asking to be tested because my wife was talking in her sleep saying she was poisoning me, i went to OHSU and signed in, they informed me that its unlikely that they will find anything but they took my vitals and i waited in the lobby, i waited 4 and a half hours and they never called me back to be checked, and no officers came to question me about my concerns. so i went home, i could tell no one there cared. this is just too long to explain so i will try to get to the point, on march 26th of 2007 at 5;55 am i put a audio recorder in joans purse because i heard my wife whispering to someone in her bedroom, { i slept on the couch, our marriage was falling apart.} i heard what sounded like a guy whispering back, so i put my recorder in her purse expecting to finally catch joan in the act and laid down pretending to still be asleep, ten minutes later my wife left for work, what i caught on there was a lot more than i expected, i caught a murder conspiracy! i didn’t know it right away because the audio i got is like 17 hours long, when i heard on it she was with eric two days later i left her and moved in with my oldest daughter shawna, i spent the next week and a half on and off trying to listen to this audio, it didn’t take long to figure out i was being framed for something by my wife and her lover, and they had help! lots of help, i learned i was under INVESTIGATION BY THE FBI and these INVESTIGATORS were good friends with joan and eric and they all met up at our apartment that morning in joans bedroom, they climbed in through joans window, i learned they were there to frame me as a pedophile, eric was posing for pictures in kayles bedroom,{ our youngest daughter,} while the INVESTIGATOR named ERICA { last name unknown to me.} was taking pictures of him while kayle slept, after words eric climbed out joans window and waited for her in her car, and a john ray climbed in and helped joan put something on our computer and then he left the way he came, joan finished getting ready for work and picked up her purse and left for work, once outside joan was talking to these INVESTIGATORS and discussing what they was going to do next, joan and eric on the ride to work was discussing what they was going to say to other employees when they get there, joan mentioned to eric {you woke her up} referring to kayle, and then they discussed breaking into shawnas apartment with ERICA, after lots of listening to that audio i learned joan eric and erica planed to rape shawna and murder her and then frame me for this! they planed to use a signed check of mine to purchase a gun in my name, remember eric looks almost like me in appearance, eric was going to use my ID and one of my checks to purchase a gun, joan was instructed to collect my sperm, eric was going to rape and murder shawna, erica was going to plant my sperm on shawnas body along with other false evidence, joan and eric met up at walmart along with vickie {joans sister} and the investigators and was waiting at the front door for someone to let them in, other employees showed up and the investigators pretended to have caught me in the act, [ referring to eric in kayles room,} and saying they got me on fotogenic, once inside the investigators proceed to put on a phony show of investigating while in the presence of walmart employees while joan and eric and vickie are trashing my name to there fellow employees turning everyone there against me, joan was even addmeting eric has been impersonating me for other crimes, after hours and hours of the investigators claiming in walmart employees presence that i was doing wrong things and joan and eric telling countless lies about me the investigators gave permission to all of them to pedifie me, joan started printing out flyers about me at walmart,{ unknown to me whether they used them or not.} i learned they had me under a illegal video survealence the hole apartment had hidden cameras and the investigators asked there supervisor to take 6;30 off of joan because john ray broke in there, when i left joan and moved in to my daughters apartment about 3 or 4 days later the FBI took over the apartment above shawna and they proceeded to spread rumors in shawnas neiborhood, and was spying on us as well with hidden cameras, they didn’t know at that time that i knew they were up there, the ceiling in shawnas apartment has no insulation so i could hear them up there talking about editing my audio and discussing ways of killing me, i knew because they are members of authorities i couldn’t get help calling 911, not to mention i was very worried for my family’s safety i was afraid to tell shawna about this at this time for her own safety so i just continued to listen to the audio trying to learn as much about this as i could but for my own safety i pretended to not understand it well, about a week and a half after i left joan on April 7th donna { joans mother who also lives at shawnas apartment complex, } asked shawna if i could go to her apartment to fix her computer she said it wouldn’t work on the Internet, i didn’t want to but shawna insisted so i went over to Donna with shawna and tried to fix her computer, donna offered me a cup of coffee and i accepted, she brought me a cup of coffee and what looked like a mayonaze lid filled with sugar, i put 2 or 3 spoonfuls in my coffee and was sipping while working on her computer, finally i told donna i cant fix it and that maybe she should get a new computer, i drank up my coffee and me and shawna left to go back to shawnas apartment which isn’t far away, by the time i got to the stairs i started not feeling well, once inside i really started feeling very sick and needed to lie down, fifteen minutes later my head felt like there was acid eating away at me from the inside, not thinking clearly i called Joanne asking if she could take me to the hospital, during the drive there joan was looking at her rear view mirror a whole hell of a lot, which gave me the suspicion we were being followed, keep in mind neither joan nor those investigators knew yet that i knew about them, once at the hospital i was so fucked up and hurting in my head that i needed a wheelchair, once i was admitted and taken back to a emergency room i waited and waited and no doctor ever came and examed me, one person came in acting like a doctor but never examed me, he only wanted to put his finger in my ass supposed for a colon test of some sort, but he never asked me what was wrong, never examed my eyes or mouth or ears, never took my vitals, never took a urine sample, i was holding my head in severe pain and all he wanted was to put his finger in my ass, once done he left, a half hour later a male nurse brought me a bottle of something to drink saying i need to drink the whole bottle and then i was going to some room to have a kind of ex ray of some sort, never once did a doctor examine me nor did a doctor come in to explain what was going on, after i drank the bottle the nurse took me to a room for this ex ray then brought me back to my room, about a hour later a doctor came and explained that the only thing they could find wrong was there was a little bleeding in my colon and he recommended i follow up with a colanoscopie, needless to say i was totally shocked at his blatant attempt to ignore the fact that NOBODY EXAMED ME!!! i knew at this time that those investigators had somehow interfered with my medical treatment and done something to prevent a doctor from examine me! i went back to shawnas apartment still in pain in my head, it felt like acid burning in there, and to this day i am still in pain in my head over this, about a week after this i stopped pretending to know nothing about this crap with joan and the investigators and looked up at the ceiling where they were and called them a bunch of criminals and murderers and that i was completely discuss ted with them, shawna was home at this time but didn’t understand why i did that, an hour later shawna left for work and after that all hell broke loose up stairs, a whole lot of people in suits was going up there and there was some yelling and they seemed very angry, a lot of activity going on for the rest of that day in that apartment above shawnas place, at around 8 or 9 that nite several people went up there talking very loudly acting like they were looking at something and said very loudly { yep thats a pedophile alright.} and then him and a few others from that apartment ran out of there yelling at the top of there lungs through out the hole neaborhood calling me a pedophile, from this point on they was pedifieing me openly in shawnas neaborhood, just flat out calling me a pedophile to others in that neaborhood, this hole time i spent most of my time on the floor in pain from donna poisoning me, i flat out knew i could get no help calling 911 since these were people in authority doing this to me, they stopped doing this when shawna was around they didn’t want her to know about it, i told shawna about this but she didn’t believe me because she never witnessed any of it and no one at work mentioned this to her, she believed donna poisoned me but she never understood any of the other stuff, the investigators were quite until shawna left for work and was loud when she left, they would say things like { were going to FUCK you over now you son of a bitch!} i remained in the apartment for about a week after donna poisoned me unable to walk much because of the pain, around this time eric showed up downstairs talking very loudly up at the investigators, { the investigators were on the third floor on the patio and eric was on the ground talking up at them, shawnas app is in between them} and eric was loudly calling me a pedophile and giving my description to others who were out there trying to piss me off, i didn’t go out to confront him because i knew they wanted to shoot me, before he left he yelled up at the investigators telling them to make sure i drink my coffee, keep in mind they weren’t hiding any of there murder attempts from me, after all eric and joan had permission from the authorities to murder me so they just don’t give a shit, i have reason to believe the authorities pressed charges against me and gave my disscription on tv because where ever i go people seem to recognize me, people in shawnas old neaborhood would point over at me and say “there’s the guy they pedified.” ever since i have been under attack behind my back and in front of my face, i learned from that audio that they pedified me in prison so if i get arrested for anything i will likely be murdered in prison, after they poisoned me at some point they broke into shawnas app and replaced my audio with a differant version hoping i would think its the original, i didn’t fall for that,there version is nothing but a death threat against me and shawna and there demonstrating how they plan to frame my hole family and give them the blame for me being poisoned and pedofied, and at the end of it there flat out frameing me as a pedophile using my voice and kayles, although they made the mistake of admitting somewhere in the middle of the audio that there using kayles voice, on there replacement audio they threatened to pedofie shawna if i say something about this, well they already did that, what it amounts to is they tried to kill me and shawna, i caught them in the act , and then they threatened to kill us if i talk about it and then they tried to kill us again, so it does me no good to heed there threats, as far as I’m concerned they murdered me already and there in the process of murdering shawna right now, there have been too many attempts to tell them all on this, let me suffice it to say the other nite joan and a couple of her friends came here to murder me and that plan failed, but there not scared about it because they have some people in authority covering there asses, i write this on November 13th 2007 and at this very moment this apartment is under a illegal video survielence by the FBI, and they allow others over the Internet to spy on us and make fun of us, chances are there going to murder me for sending this because they made it clear there going to cover there asses, but thats why i saved the best for last.
    p.s. the address where this ocured is 8800 se causey loop n-205 clackamas OR 97086, the whole neaberhood there has heard of this and the authorities used a warrant to kick out the tenants above shawnas apartment