How the Kvetch Stole Chanukah

[The first night of Chanukah falls on Christmas day this year, and so with apologies to the late, great Dr. Seuss (but not to the greedy, litigious bastards at Dr. Seuss Enterprises, LLC) I would like to honor the occasion by making an annual tradition out of reposting the enduring holiday classic, How the Kvetch Stole Chanukah. Happy Christmukah.]

Every Joo
Down in Joo-ville
Liked Chanukah as such…

But the Kvetch,
Who lived just north of Joo-ville,
… not so much.

The Kvetch hated Chanukah, the whole Chanukah season.
Now don’t ask me why. What? Should I know the reason?
It could be he wasn’t a mensch, that is all.
Or his petzel, perhaps, was two sizes too small.
Such meshug’as comes from one thing or another,
But like most Joo-ish boys, we should just blame his mother!

But,
The reason, whatever,
His mom or his putz,
The Kvetch hated Chanukah. Oy, what a yutz!
For he knew every Joo down in Joo-ville tonight
Was busy preparing menorahs to light.

“And they’re giving out gelt!” he sighed as he said
“I need waxy chocolate like holes in my head!”
Then he nervously whined as his fingers tapped horas,
“I MUST stop the Joos from igniting menorahs!”

For,
The Kvetch knew that soon…

… All the Joo girls and boys
Would say the baruch’ha, then unwrap their toys!
And then! Oh, the oys! Oh, the Oys! Oys! Oys! Oys!
If it’s not what they wanted, the OYS! OYS! OYS! OYS!

Then the Joos, young and old, would sit down for a nosh.
And they’d nosh! And they’d nosh!
And they’d NOSH! NOSH! NOSH! NOSH!
They would nosh on Joo-latkes, and Gefilte-Joo-Fish,
Which was surely the Kvetch’s least favorite dish!

And THEN
They’d do something
Which made the Kvetch plotz!
Every Joo down in Joo-ville, Bar Mitzvahed or not,
Would sit down together, their proud ponim’s grinning.
Then dreidels in hand, all the Joos would start spinning!

They’d spin! And they’d spin!
AND they’d SPIN! SPIN! SPIN! SPIN!
And the more the Kvetch thought of this Joo-Dreidel-Spin,
The more the Kvetch thought, “I can’t let this begin!
“Oy, for fifty-three years I’ve put up with it now!
“Chanukah, Schmanukah! Stop it!
But HOW?”

Then he got an idea!
And the moment he had,
He said
“I’m no Einstein, but this… not half bad!”

“I know just what to do!” Then he donned an old sheet,
And dug up some sandals to wear on his feet.
“I’m the Prophet Elijiah! They’ve set me a plate!”
(For the Kvetch couldn’t keep Joo-ish holidays straight.)
“The Joos ‘ll oblige ol’ Elijiah, no doubt!
“I will simply walk in. Then I’ll clean the place out!”

“All I need is a camel…”
He looked far and near,
But this wasn’t the desert, and camels are dear.
Did that stop the old Kvetch…?
That pischer? No, never:
“If I can’t find a camel,” the Kvetch said, “…whatever.”
So he called his dog, Max. Then he took an old sack
And he tied a hump onto the front of his back.

THEN
He climbed on this
dog-dromedaryish mammal.
You never have seen
Such a schmuck on a camel.

Then the Kvetch cried “Oy vey!”
As old Max started down
Toward the homes, while the Joos
Where still schmoozing in town.

All their driveways were empty. Just SUV tracks.
All the Joos were out last-minute-shopping at Saks,
As he rode to a not-so-small house on old Max.
“It’s a good thing I brought” the old Prophet Kvetch thought,
“All these bags with to stuff all the stuff the Joos bought.”

Then he looked at the chimney. It seemed quite a stretch
That a fat goy like Santa could fit, thought the Kvetch,
“Still, the goyim believe stranger things, that’s for sure.”
Then the Kvetch shrugged his shoulders, and walked through the door
Where the little Joo dreidels were all strewn about.
“These dreidels,” he grinned, “are the first to go out!”

And he schvitzed, as he shlepped, with an odor unpleasant,
Around the whole house, as he took every present!
Barbie dolls! Mountain bikes! Brios! And blocks!
Pokemon! GameBoys! And all of that shlock!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then his arms spread akimbo,
He shlepped all the bags, one by one, out the wimbo!

Then he shlepped to the kitchen. He took every dish.
He took the Joo-latkes. The Gefilte-Joo-Fish.
He cleaned out the Sub-Zero so nimbly and neat,
Careful to separate dairy from meat.
Then he shlepped the Joo-nosh right out the front door-a.
“And NOW!” kvelled the Kvetch, “I will shlep the menorah!”

And he grabbed the menorah, and started to shlep on,
When he heard a whine, like a cat being stepped on.
He spun ‘round with shpilkes, and coming his way,
It was Ruth Levy-Joo, who was two, if a day.

The Kvetch had been caught by this small shaina maidel,
Who’d been watching TV on her big RCA’dle.
“The Prophet Elijiah?” she quizzed the old fool,
“You visit on Pesach, they taught us in shul.”

And although the old Kvetch was surprised and confused,
It’s not hard to lie to a girl in her twos.
“Bubbeleh… sweatheart…” he started his tale,
“Your dad paid full price, when this all was on sale!
“And like any good merchant, I just want to please ya.
“I’ll ring it up right, then I’ll refund your VISA.”

Then he patted her tush. Put a Barney tape in.
And she spaced-out as fast as the spindle could spin.
And as Ruth Levy-Joo watched her mauve dinosaura,
HE went to the door and shlepped out the menorah!

Then the match for the shamas
Was last to be filched!
Then he shlepped himself out to continue his pillage.
On the walls he left nothing at all. Bubkes. Zilch.
And the one speck of food
That he left in the house
Was a matzoh ball even too dense for a mouse.

Then
He did the same schtick
In the other Joo’s houses.

Leaving knaidlach
Too dense
For the other Joo’s mouses!

It was quarter to dusk…
All the Joos, still at Saks,
All the Joos, still a-shmooze
When he packed up old Max,
Packed him up with their presents! The gelt and the dreidels!
The chotchkes and latkes! The knish and the knaidels!

He hauled it all up to his condo in haste!
(A Grinch might have dumped it, but why go to waste?)
“Shtup you!” to the Joos, the Kvetch loudly cheered,
“They’re finding out Chanukah’s cancelled this year!
“They’re just coming home! I know just what they’ll say!
“They’ll ask their homeowners insurance to pay,
“Then the Joos down in Joo-ville will all cry OY VEY!”

“All those Oys,” kvelled the Kvetch,
“Now THIS I must hear!”
So he paused. And the Kvetch put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising up from the shtetl.
It started to grow. Then the Kvetch grew unsettled…

Why the sound wasn’t sad,
It was more like the noise
Of a UPS trucker
Delivering toys!

He stared down at Joo-ville!
And then the Kvetch shook,
As truck after truck
Replaced all that he took!

Every Joo down in Joo-ville, the Golds and the Steins,
Re-ordered their presents by going online!

Chanukah HADN’T been cancelled!
IT CAME!
…On UPS trucks… but it came just the same!

Then the Kvetch, staring down at the gifts where they sat,
Stood kvitching and kvetching: “For this, I did that?
“It came without traffic! It came without tax!
“It came without shopping at Bloomie’s or Saks!”
And he kvetched on and on, til he started to shvitz,
Then the Kvetch thought of something which might make him rich!
“Maybe stores,” thought the Kvetch, “don’t need mortar and bricks.
“Maybe toys can be bought with a few well-placed clicks!”

And what happened then…?
Well… in Joo-ville they say
That the Kvetch raised
Ten million in venture that day!
And the minute his web site was ready to go,
He raised ten billion more on his new IPO!
He sold back the toys to the homes they came from!
And he…

… he the Kvetch…!
Founded YA-JOO.COM!

©2000 by David Goldstein
May not be distributed without permission

Comments

  1. 1

    DugoutNut spews:

    David,

    What an awesome parody! I have forwarded it to my children (grown). I wish my mom was alive to read and enjoy!!!

    Thank you.

    Happy Chanukah!

    Dug

  2. 3

    Donnageddon spews:

    Beautiful stuff, David! I laughed my schmutz off!**

    For those in the know, I am awaiting the bittorrents of Yo La Tengo’s Chanukah sessions! A true Christmas tradition.

  3. 5

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    Hey MTR — this isn’t you, is it?

    “Father in Pakistan Kills His Four Daughters
    Associated Press

    “MULTAN, Pakistan (Dec. 25) – A father, angry that his eldest daughter had married against his wishes, slit her throat as she slept and then killed three of his other daughters in a remote village in eastern Pakistan, police said Saturday.

    “Nazir Ahmad, a laborer in his 40s, feared the younger girls, aged 4, 8, and 12, would follow in their sister’s footsteps, police officer Shahzad Gul said.

    “Gul said the man’s 25-year-old daughter, Muqadas Bibi, had married the man of her choice against her father’s wishes some weeks ago. …

    “Hundreds of women are killed in Pakistan every year, many by male relatives, after they are accused of staining their families’ honor by … marrying for love without family consent.”

  4. 6

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    MTR can take comfort from knowing there’s even bigger jackasses than him in this world — although you must go to Pakistan to find them …

  5. 8

    sgmmac spews:

    Roger,

    Our world is indeed a sad place to live in. We truly don’t know and don’t appreciate how well we live in America.

  6. 9

    JCH spews:

    Happy Kwaanza to all you Democrats! Loot, steal, smoke dope, drink, and kill each other!! And blame it all on Bush!!

  7. 14

    bill spews:

    Happy Chanukah and Merry Christmas to those whose celebrations are today. May your day be merry.

    And Happy ‘Athiests get presents for no appearant reason’ day to those who dont have any other holiday this week.

  8. 15

    klake spews:

    Merry Christmas Everyone and have a Happy New Year.

    Santa was very nice to me this year I got a new dictionary written by Jeff Foxworthy’s. Now I can compete with Mark the Redneck on this Blog. “moron (mor’-an), n. and prep. the addition of a greater quantity to that already present. “I told him that I already put hot sauce on the pizza, but the idiot just kept pourin’ moron.””
    The wife also got me this large magnify glass with a lamp installed in it so I could read in the dark. I do not think that will help the comprehension problem, but it will help the sore eyes.
    Now you all be good next year and say nice things about everybody. Please reflect on your personnel fears so you can understand others who lack the ability to understand their own fears. God Bless America.

  9. 16

    spyder spews:

    Right up there with Robert DeNiro on SNL pronouncing Chanukah with the hard “Ch” over and over… very well done.. yes a annual treat it needs to be.

  10. 17

    JCH spews:

    Happy Kwaanza to Roger Rabbit!! I hope your “guvment” check comes every month!! Along with Democrat blacks, “guvment” parasites also vote Democrat at 115%!! [Atlas Has Shrugged!!]

  11. 18

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    JCH @17

    Don’t you ever take a break? Roger Rabbit will return tomorrow. Merry Christmas, everyone!

  12. 19

    JCH spews:

    JCH @17

    Don’t you ever take a break? Roger Rabbit will return tomorrow. Merry Christmas, everyone! [Classic...From a guy would posts 40 to 50 times a day!! Democrats: social parasites!]

  13. 20

    Tom Johnson spews:

    There is not need to create a stored library of this blog — just call the NSA.

    Every electronic anything that has happened in America for the past twenty five years is stored in their data banks. Modern technology makes their job so easy, and their advanced hardware and software equipment is not sold on the open market.

    Did you really think the CIA is like an old bafoon movie – NSA absorbs 50 per cent of the black budget, tens of billions of dollars.

    So secret, the Marine guards are not instructed to shoot intruders, but the workers if there is security breach/compromise.

    Our secret government makes the old KGB look like under funded pikers.

    Say a prayer for America. And fear the last years of the Bush regime.

    I believe Cheney and Rumsfield and Gonzales would harness all the Federal power needed to maintain control in the face of civil/political unrest.

  14. 21

    dj spews:

    Goldy,

    Happy holiday of your choosing. Many thanks for an outstanding year of political activism. I have learned much about much from you this year (with some credit to your commenters, of course).

    Keep up the outstanding work (including creative works like this post). Reading Horsesass is always a highlight of my day.

  15. 22

    Donnageddon spews:

    Oh Boy! If it isn’t fear of vaginas that makes the Neocon-vict heart shrink in fear, it those evil “Democrat blacks”

    merry christmas, JCH, remember that Jesus was a lberal, and almost certainly black.

    But at least he didn’t have one of those evil vaginas!

  16. 23

    Mark The Redneck spews:

    Hey Roger – Dija see the article in today’s (Monday) Seattle Times that they gonna round up all the bunnies around Green Lake, “fix” ‘em, and then take ‘em to a bunny farm in Redmond?

    The article goes on to say that, like state employees…”the species is domesticated and therefore ill-suited for the wild. Sadly, many of the bunnies meet their maker after meeting a predator.” A neutered Roger Rabbit on a bunny farm sound about right to me.

  17. 24

    Jerry Springer Jr. spews:

    How would the “professional” trolls do if the comments had a rating system, a la tpm.com?

    JCH: Quickly banned because everything he says is mean-spirited agitprop. Why do folks even bother responding to him?

    MTR, Mr. Cynical, Righton: Many of their missives would be rated “inappropriate” until they stopped treating this blog as a food fight.

    Janet S: Would get a lot of “not helpful” ratings because of her striking inability to deviate even a few degrees from administration talking points.

    And that “marumby” dude? A new rating button would be needed: “Get psychological help.”

    For those unfamiliar with a ratings system, in the absence of an outright ban, comments with the lowest ratings would float to the bottom of a thread; those with the highest would float to the top. The wingers could try to pool their resources and engage in ratings wars, but given the left-leaning readership of this blog they would eventually lose.

    Of course, lefties would be rated as well — and some might not fare as well as others. But that’s another discussion.

  18. 25

    Voter Advocate spews:

    I like that idea, JSjr.

    I wouldn’t mind engaging a rightie in a serious debate, but, too often, the troll brigade from radioland just obliterates the give and take.

    A simple vote on each post would put the ones people want to follow at the tops of the threads. Simple.

  19. 26

    karl spews:

    I seem to recall someone posted about the person who wanted to read the Mao Red Book and was visited by homeland security.

    I recall the outrage, the insults.

    Anyone read it was a hoax?

    http://www.southcoasttoday.com.....1lo719.htm

    Federal agents’ visit was a hoax
    Student admits he lied about Mao book
    By AARON NICODEMUS, Standard-Times staff writer

    NEW BEDFORD – The UMass Dartmouth student who claimed to have been visited by Homeland Security agents over his request for “The Little Red Book” by Mao Zedong has admitted to making up the entire story.
    The 22-year-old student tearfully admitted he made the story up to his history professor, Dr. Brian Glyn Williams, and his parents, after being confronted with the inconsistencies in his account.
    Had the student stuck to his original story, it might never have been proved false.
    ***

    Lets be clear, the Administration has plenty of room for criticism, but like the CBS memo fiasco, all this does is make libs look like liars….

  20. 27

    JCH spews:

    Lets be clear, the Administration has plenty of room for criticism, but like the CBS memo fiasco, all this does is make libs look like liars?.

    Comment by karl — 12/26/05 @ 9:46 am [too bad the towel head Arab terrorists didn't hit the NY Times Building. Oh, how the libs would be howling!!!]

  21. 28

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    20

    “I believe Cheney and Rumsfield and Gonzales would harness all the Federal power needed to maintain control in the face of civil/political unrest.”

    Perhaps they would try, but they can’t even control the civil unrest in a punk country like Iraq. Their predecessors, the Nixon gang, couldn’t defeat an insurgency in Vietnam. The USSR, with all its superpower military might, was thrown out of their next-door-neighbor, Afghanistan, by a guerrilla force. Which leads me to believe that no government, police state or not, can survive a sustained uprising.

  22. 29

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    23

    “The article goes on to say that, like state employees…’the species is domesticated and therefore ill-suited for the wild. Sadly, many of the bunnies meet their maker after meeting a predator.’ A neutered Roger Rabbit on a bunny farm sound about right to me.”

    They have to catch me first! But, sadly, most or all of my 7,139 children will end up in Bunny Meadows. Happily, they won’t be in danger there of getting run over by Republican assholes speeding on Green Lake Way in their gas-guzzling, smog-emitting SUVs! And all I have to do is wait for Easter, when lotsa people will get Easter Bunnies as gifts, and within a couple of weeks they’ll tire of them (bunnies are boring pets; all they do is eat, shit, sniff the air, and blog all day and night) and dump them in the park, then I’ll have a whole new crop of cute young female bunnies and the park will be repopulated with bunnies in no time!!!

  23. 30

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    MARKET FAILURE — MARK THE REDNECK’S “INVISIBLE HAND” TO AIDS VICTIMS: JUST GO AWAY AND DIE

    “WASHINGTON (AP) — In an unusually candid admission, the federal chief of AIDS research says he believes drug companies don’t have an incentive to create a vaccine for the HIV and are likely to wait to profit from it after the government develops one.

    “‘We had to spend some time and energy paying attention to those aspects of development because the private side isn’t picking it up,’ Dr. Edmund Tramont testified ….

    “Tramont is head of the AIDS research division of the National Institutes of Health, and he predicted in his testimony that the government will eventually create a vaccine. …

    “IAVI estimates total annual spending on an AIDS vaccine is $682 million. ‘This represents less than 1% of total spending on all health product development,’ IAVI said. ‘Private sector efforts amount to just $100 million annually. This is mainly due to the lack of incentives for the private sector to invest in an AIDS vaccine — the science is difficult, and the developing countries that need a vaccine most are least able to pay.'”

    For complete story, see http://www.cnn.com/2005/HEALTH.....index.html

  24. 31

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    Another example of where government intervention is necessary to get something done. AIDS kills millions — but the problem is, most of them are poor people in Third World countries, particularly Africa — where, by the way, AIDS is a heterosexual disease.

    As a matter of fact, private industry invests next to nothing in basic research — regardless of field — whether it’s developing medicines, finding new energy sources, or furthering our understanding of physics. There just isn’t enough profit in basic research, and the payoff is too many years out. Virtually all basic science is funded with government grants or private endowments.

    If you left it up to Mark’s invisible hand, we would still be lighting our homes with kerosene lamps and telecommuniting via horse and buggy.

  25. 32

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    Where are all the trolls today? Taking a banker’s holiday? There’s only 4 new posts today, besides mine. Hey, trolls! Just because government workers get today off, doesn’t mean you do!!! Hellooooooo — anybody out there? Troll bashing is what I do!!! How am I supposed to do my job if you don’t do yours?? Hey trolls, this ain’t the Texas Air National Guard, you’re supposed to be here!!! Calling all trolls … Christmas was yesterday, it’s over, time to roll up your sleeves and go back to work in the blog salt mine … hello, trolls??? Is anybody alive out there … ??

  26. 33

    Mark The Redneck spews:

    Wabbit – Sam Kinison figured out the cure to AIDS in the late 80s. Shoulda listened.

  27. 37

    Voter Advocate spews:

    33

    The best one of all, a war.

    1.
    Ford remained opposed to the war until February 1917. President Woodrow Wilson had just severed diplomatic ties with Germany after the European nation announced it would resume attacking ships bringing supplies to the Allies.

    Historians still aren’t sure what motivated Ford’s dramatic turnabout.

    “He claimed he would return any profits to the government, but he never did,” said Charles Hyde, a history professor at Wayne State University. “Maybe he saw that the war was going to happen and that he might as well profit from it.”

    Franklin D. Roosevelt, who was assistant secretary of the Navy, accused the automaker of taking advantage of a chance to get good publicity.

    Along with the Model T, which was used as autos and ambulances in the war, Ford became well known as the makers of the Eagle boat. Eagles, the first ships mass-produced on an assembly line, were used to hunt the dreaded German U-boats.

    2.

    By now, Edison was being hailed world-wide as The wizard of Menlo Park, The father of the electrical age,” and The greatest inventor who ever lived.” Naturally, when World War I began, he was asked by the U. S. Government to focus his genius upon creating defensive devices for submarines and ships. During this time, he also perfected a number of important inventions relating to the enhanced use of rubber, concrete, and ethanol.

    By the 1920s Edison was internationally revered.

  28. 38

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    26

    Yeah, Karl. That was posted several days ago. Old news. Have you been asleep all week?

  29. 39

    Magic Bunny* spews:

    32

    What big drop in gas prices? It’s still $2.199 where I live. When Bush took office, gas cost $0.999.

    *For explanation, see “Boxing Day” thread, post #8.

  30. 40

    Magic Bunny* spews:

    31

    Sam Kinison? Isn’t he the guy who invented the 500-mpg carberutor?

    * For explanation, see “Boxing Day” thread, post #8.

  31. 41

    Magic Bunny* spews:

    34

    Wake? Whose wake? Did somebody die?

    * For explanation, see “Boxing Day” thread, post #8.

  32. 42

    Magic Bunny* spews:

    33

    “Did Edison and Ford get gummint grants to do what they did?”

    I’d have to research that, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they did. I know the first dollar Bill Gates ever made was a government contract. $28,000 to synchronize traffic signals, to be precise.

  33. 43

    Magic Bunny* spews:

    40

    Oh — I forgot to mention:

    * For explanation, see “Boxing Day” thread, post #8.

  34. 44

    Magic Bunny* spews:

    35

    “Historians still aren’t sure what motivated Ford’s dramatic turnabout. ‘He claimed he would return any profits to the government, but he never did,’ said Charles Hyde, a history professor at Wayne State University. ‘Maybe he saw that the war was going to happen and that he might as well profit from it.'”

    Yeah, that seems a likely explanation.

    * For explanation, see “Boxing Day” thread, post #8.

  35. 45

    Magic Bunny* spews:

    The Magic Bunny* has posted 100% of the last 7 posts. If you don’t like that, dance around Stonehenge under a full moon signing Celtic odes.**

    * For explanation, see “Boxing Day” thread, post #8.

    ** This is totally pointless, but so are you.

  36. 48

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    Reply to 44 (continued)

    When Clinton was president, gas cost $0.999. Now that Bush is president, gas costs $2.199. You call that a cut?! Looks like a 120% increase to me.

  37. 49

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    According to Mark the Redneck’s economic logic, if Enron manipulates the market to increase electricity prices 1,000%, then market forces reduce the price to only 3 times what it was before, the “invisible hand” has “cut” prices. Yeah, okay, whatever.

    Hey Mark — how do I get the state to “cut” my pension?

  38. 50

    Mark The Redneck spews:

    Now wait a minute Wabbit – Gas usta be 3 bucks a gallon. Now it’s 2. By librul bureaucrat thinking, a decrease of an increase is a “cut”. C’mon now… be honest, when you were on the taxpayer payroll, and budget time came up, if the proposed increase for the next FY was reduced, you and all the rest of the bureaucrats called it a “cut” right?

    Same “logic” has to apply here. The increase in gas prices is less than it was, so it’s been “cut” right??

  39. 51

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    48

    Mark, I concede your “invisible hand” is very useful at times. For example, when you get an urge to jerk off in public, and don’t want people to see you doing it.

  40. 52

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    48 (continued)

    Let’s see. Before the Big Surge, gas was $1.799. Then Katrina came along and the oil companies raised it to $3. Now it has fallen back to $2.199. You call that a cut? Looks like a 40-cent increase to me.

    How many times have the oil companies played this game? When they wanted to raise the pump price from $1.49 to $1.79, they briefly bumped it above $2 to get us used to paying a higher price, then let it slide back — but not all the way back to $1.49. They were getting 30 cents a gallon more. But that didn’t last very long. Soon, they jacked it up to $2.50 — and let it slide back to $1.89. And so on.

    This is called “greasy pole” pricing.

  41. 53

    Mark The Redneck spews:

    So wabbit – If your pension was “supposed” to increase by 4%, and then they decided to increase it by only 2%, you’d call it a “cut” right? And you wouldn’t call it a 2% cut would you? Nooooo, you wouldn’t. You’d call it a 50% cut.

    So by librul math, gas prices have been cut by 1/3.

    Can’t have it both ways wabbit. Say, what’s that rake shaped bruise on your face?

  42. 54

    Daddy Love spews:

    MTR
    Not that you care, but you’r purposely leaving out of your analysis any fuel prices prior to $3 per gallon gas. It wasn’t always that way, you know. It didn’t go over $3 until September of this year: four months ago. Your memory is short.

  43. 55

    Mark The Redneck spews:

    Daddy – Just doin’ librul math. Illustrating a point that’s obviously missed on you…

  44. 56

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    51

    “So wabbit – If your pension was ‘supposed’ to increase by 4%, and then they decided to increase it by only 2%, you’d call it a ‘cut’ right? And you wouldn’t call it a 2% cut would you? Nooooo, you wouldn’t. You’d call it a 50% cut.”

    What the fuck are you talking about? I have a defined-benefit pension that never goes up. No COLAs. No increases. If I’m still alive 20 years from now, the dollar amount of my pension will be the same as it is today, even if a dollar is worth only one-third as much.

  45. 57

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    53

    Here’s some liberal math for you:

    1. Step 1: Gas under Clinton = $.999 a gallon
    2. Step 2: Gas under Bush = $2.199 a gallon
    3. Step 3: $2.199 is more than $.999

  46. 58

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    Let’s settle the gas-math argument this way. When 2008 rolls around, Democrats will say,

    “Are you better off than you were 8 years ago?”

    and then let the voters decide whether they’re better off paying $2.199 instead of $0.999.

  47. 59

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    Hey MTR — have you been getting a lot of use from your invisible hand in the shopping malls?

    HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR

  48. 60

    Mark The Redneck spews:

    Wabbit – Are you aware of the global nature of the oil markets? Do you know that the world sets the price? Not Murkan oil companies. Not GWB.

    If you think it’s GWB’s fault, how do you splain increase gas cost in other countries where GWB is NOT president?

    I’m waiting…

  49. 61

    Mark The Redneck spews:

    Wabbit – Are you drawing Sosh Security yet? When you get to that stage, you’ll be crying the blues about “cuts” that are decreases of increases. Garnteed….

    And you have no defined contribution plan?

  50. 63

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    59

    I suppose starting a big war that consumes lots of petroleum, and pursuing fiscal policies that sends lots of American money to China, which they use to buy cars and gas, has nothing to do with it. Whatever.

    Bush isn’t to blame for gravity, but he’s to blame for pushing consumers out of the window.

  51. 64

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    Hey Mark, maybe you’d like to explain what your invisible hand — when it’s not rubbing your rod — will do to us when China decides they don’t want to buy American debt anymore?

  52. 65

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    60

    No, I don’t get a dime of Social Security, and never have — although I paid lots and lots of $$$ in.

    And I don’t get a dime of state money, either. Every cent of pension I’ve ever collected is my money that was taken out of my paychecks, and some of it is after-tax money. My state retirement deductions weren’t given tax-deferred status until several years into my state career. In those days, I not only had to live on a paltry government salary, but also had to pay income taxes on money I never saw as income.

    Fuck you. That’s my money, and no business of yours.

  53. 67

    Mark The Redneck spews:

    What’s wrong with foreign ownership of Murkan debt (I assume you mean US Treasuries)? Be careful, don’t mix up political statements with economic ones.

  54. 69

    Jack Hamilton spews:

    Checked out your blog. you’re an idiot. Can you get a refund on the grammer class you took?