If you are going to drink, take a cab or hop on a bus to get home. Under no circumstances should you do what this person did:
Can’t Bring Yourself to Type the Word “Ass”?
Eager to share our brilliant political commentary and blunt media criticism, but too genteel to link to horsesass.org? Well, good news, ladies: we also answer to HASeattle.com, because, you know, whatever. You're welcome!
Hey, that’ll make some DUI lawyer happy! Lawyers can always use another 20 grand.
Roger Rabbit’s 2007 Investment Results
Roger’s account: +50.87%
Mrs. R’s account: -8.41%
Combined results: +21.57%
(The reason Mrs. Rabbit did so lousy is because she owns a lot of Starbucks stock, which lost half its value in the last 12 months.)
Roger Rabbit’s Investment Advice for 2008
We’re probably looking at slower GDP growth with weaker corporate earnings, with a 50% chance of a recession. The “market return” earned by passive investors in 2008 will be in the money-market ballpark or slightly higher, i.e., 4% to 6%.
It’s tough to make capital gains in a flat or falling market, so the best I may be able to do this coming year is to reposition my portfolio so it’s full of cheaply bought stocks that will go up when the market starts moving again.
However, if there’s ANY upward movement in stocks in 2008, it may be possible to advance a portfolio by 15% to 20% with an aggressive investing strategy that focuses on buying stocks at the low end of their trading range and selling them at the higher end of their range.
For illustration purposes, let’s take Retailer X, whose stock has traded in a range of $15 to $30 every year for the last 3 years, and is currently at $15. In other words, if you bought that stock in 2004 for $15 and held it, you’ve made absolutely nothing, zero, zip, nada, $0, in 3 years. But if you cycled in and out of this stock, buying it at say an average price of $16.50 and selling at an average price of $28.50, you’ve made a $36 profit on your $15 investment — an average gain of 80% per year. This is one way to turn a flat stock and a flat market into a fat gain. (There are other ways, too.)
I know of such a stock and it’s likely I will buy it in the next few days. I’m trying to “feel” where the low is. Of course I can’t know this, and it might go down after I buy it. That’s called “risk” and taking risk is what you get paid for. However, even if this company totally sucks in the coming year and I buy it at $16 and it crawls up to only $22 by the end of August, that’s still a 37.5% profit in 8 months, which translates into an annualized return of 56.25%.
Which would you rather have, 5% or 56%?
I believe energy stocks — oil, oilfield services, coal, and natural gas — are expensive right now and shouldn’t be bought at these prices. If oil prices weaken, these stocks could decline by 25% or more.
Beaten down, bargain stocks are currently available in the retail, banking and financial, newspaper, and homebuilding sectors. I wouldn’t touch homebuilders yet, because a housing recovery is probably still at least 2 years away. The decline in newspaper advertising revenues is about 2/3rds cyclical (due to weakness in the real estate and car markets) and 1/3rd structural, but some of this structural loss will be recovered as newspaper organizations reconfigure their business models and do a better job of capturing on-line advertising revenue; with the new FCC ownership rules, it’s also likely these organizations will diversify into broadcast. Thus, I think the death of newspapers announced by Wall Street is premature and these beaten-down newspaper stocks will stage at least a partial recover, although they may not ever reach their former highs. They don’t have to, for you to make a profit; all they have to do is go up a few bucks from where they are now, within a reasonable timeframe. Some newspaper stocks are available for less than book value.
Bank and financial stocks have been punished en masse by investors because of the credit mess, but there are big differences in the financial soundness of these companies. The game here is to identify those who have light exposure to mortgages and quality businesses. These are generally niche companies, such as small specialty banks that focus on providing services to high net worth individuals, and companies that trade high-grade commercial paper. Many of these stocks have been knocked down by a third or more, and I believe 12-month gains in the range of 15% to 20%, perhaps as high as 25%, are possible as investors gradually become more confident of the banking and financial system.
One must be very cautious about retailers and avoid depending on growth in sales and profits, because these won’t materialize in 2008’s economic climate. Rather, one wants to play the fluctuations in the stock price, as outlined in the example of Retailer X above. Many retail stocks are in the tank right now and offer such opportunities, but one wants to shop for high quality. For example, Nordstrom’s was available for $31 only a week ago and is now over $36. Even at this price, one could buy it, because it’s not too much of a stretch to hope this stock will rise at least another $5 or $6 in the next 12 months — and it might go up a lot more than that if consumer spending proves stronger than expected, in that it came down off a high of $70.
No one can time markets or individual stocks, but you CAN recognize when a stock is attractively priced, and if you have a cast iron stomach and some money you can afford to tie up for a while and risk losing, buying cheap when everyone else is in a gloom-and-doom mood and then sitting back and waiting for the sun to come out is a consistently good stock market strategy in ANY economic milieu. Even if your selections don’t move in 2008, if you buy them at the right price, you’ll be positioned to reap outstanding percentage gains in 2009 or whenever the market comes back to life. But I think there will be some opportunities to turn profits in this coming year. I did quite well in the tumultuous second half of 2007 even though the overall market ended up about where it was 6 months ago.
It goes without saying that an essential part of a profitable stock investing strategy is avoiding big losses. Little losses are inevitable, but big mistakes can wipe out your gains and then some. There is not an easy way to avoid these disasters — after all, the Rabbit Family ate a 50% loss on its biggest single holding (Starbucks) — all I can say is, work at it, and if what you’re doing seems stupid, it probably is.
Roger Rabbit’s 2008 Predictions
First of all, I predict that not a single wingnut trollfuck will read and heed my advice in #2 above. Their gut reaction will be, why should I trust that fucking rabbit? Well, I don’t want them to! I sincerely hope that their hatred of liberals will trigger a knee-jerk response that will cause them to go out and do the OPPOSITE of what I said — so I can lift their money! That money is just crying out for a new home; it wants to be in my pocket, not theirs! So, wingnuts, don’t listen to the rabbit — I’m out to get you, so just assume everything I post about investing is disinformation designed to ruin you!
My second prediction is that most, or better still, all of my liberal friends are smart enough to realize that (a) the stock market provides better returns than any other investment vehicle, and (b) my comments are general advice that is not sufficient by itself and to be successful you must do your own research, find your own path, and exercise sound and prudent judgment at all times.
My third prediction is that the Great Mother Rabbit Spirit wants the trollfucks to loose their ass in 2008, in order to shrink the pool of funds that can be donated to Republican candidates, and wants liberals to make tons of money so they can increase their donations to Democratic candidates, because the Great Mother Rabbit Spirit is totally fed up with what the Republicans are doing to HER planet and wants an election wipeout in 2008!
My fourth prediction is Darcy Burner kicks do-nothing congressman Reichert’s ass by 2.5 points or better. That’s what he gets for not hugging rabbits!
Roger Rabbit’s New Year’s Resolutions
1. I promise not to be nice to Republicans in 2008.
2. If, for any reason, I promise to be nice to Republicans in 2008, I promise to break that promise as soon as practicable.
3. I promise to do everything in my power in 2008 to kick the wingnuts’ unpatriotic, un-American, fascist asses back down the sewer they slithered out of.
4. I promise to vote a straight Democratic ticket in 2008, no matter who the Democrats run.
5. I promise not to let my friends or family members vote Republican.
6. I promise to sign at least 1 petition every month calling for Bush/Cheney’s impeachment. We need to make an example of them as a matter of principle, in order to uphold the rule of law. The facts that (a) they’ll be leaving office in 12 months, and (b) impeachment has no chance of passing the Senate — are immaterial. They should be impeached anyway to enforce the principle that there are penalties for violating the Constitution — we owe it to our posterity.
7. I promise not to get picked up by the Green Lake Bunny Patrol and get incarcerated in that Redmond concentration camp like happened last year. I’m not gonna fall for that stupid dummy-female-bunny-in-the-box trick again! This is another way of saying that I promise to learn from my past mistakes and get smarter as I grow older.
8. I promise to raid Stefan’s garden — even if he guards it with a gun and a dog.
9. I promise to eat all the carrots I can get my teeth on.
10. Last, but not least, I promise to (a) not take myself seriously, and (b) take wingnut traitors seriously, because they are in fact a serious threat to our national security, our prosperity, our physical safety, our sanity, and the climate.
Roger Rabbit has posted 100% of the comments in this thread. If you don’t like it, write your complaint here [ ] and send it here __.
HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!!!
(Just liberals; not you, trolls — you can go fuck yourselves.)
Just kidding! hahaha =:-D
I forgot this one:
11. I promise not to shut up.
@ All, HAW HAW HAW I always love your advice and entertainment! Keep rocking and rolling with the punches favorite cottontail!
I haven’t anything to invest, just trying to hang onto my moldy oldy house until the housing market corrects. But, still, I enjoy reading your advice and thinking what I would do if I had some bucks! Best wishes to Mrs. R and bunny R for a Happy New Year too!
@9 I’m going to get drunk … wouldn’t you, if you lived in a hole in damp, wet, soil under tree roots in a fucking public park? The best way to pass a winter underground in cold, clammy, wet Seattle is passed out.
Darryl, THANKS for the profound clip. It was well done and provocative, just wish it had been shared all over before the election. Maybe people would have given her the boot! Truly sad that the Dems didn’t support Richard Pope, I think he could have given some good service.
@ 10, I’ve got an 8oz bottle of champagne. Saving it for the 10pm fireworks from the Space Needle, which I can see from my balcony. Maybe, if you stand between the trees, you will have a view from the public park too? Stay warm and dry and fuzzy!
@12 “Stay warm and dry and fuzzy”
That’s why I have fur.
HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYBODY from me too!
10-14
hehehehehe Oh crap, nothing funnier than a liberal love fest. heheheheheheehehehe
When do we get part two of the video with Judge Nault throwing out the sobriety tests?
My Sis from Phx and I are surprised at the latest development. Every year at midnight she/we babysat the grandkids. Make a little party of it, with the hats & whistles & streamers & nibbles. Then, they spend the night so their parents can party hardy, spending the night at some hotel with all their friends, some type of package deal at a fancy resort every year. Nobody had to worry about drunks on the road or imbibing, themselves. This has been going on for 15 years.
Our yearly tradition is to get all the grandkids and the dogs lined up in front of the TV, just before the stroke of midnight. When the New Years ball in Timesquare starts the countdown. THEN, snap the picture at the precise moment when it says 12:00 MMDDYY on the TV screen. Both snapping the pic, just in case the other one misses that precise moment. We’ve got pictures dating back to when Grandkids were born, some even sleeping in baby carriers.
This year I won’t be there, stayed here in Seattle. Last night Sis said she wasn’t babysitting this year. HUH? This year, for the first time ever, her kids (the parents) all decided to Stay Home. Have a small party, just stay home. Laughed when Sis said “I think the kids are getting OLD! They’re too tired to party.”
Where is the video of Bobbe Bridges? Oh that’s right she is a liberal and would get off on murder in this state. Nevermind.
Hey Piper! Meant to tell you that I saw your Letter to the Editor in Sunday’s paper. I don’t entirely agree with your position (there’s still too many elderly people that aren’t able to access the computer & the ‘net, relying on hard copy). But I thought your letter was well worded & nicely written.
@18
Did you look at the video? Councilwoman Jane Hague blew a .14 and .139 twice the legal limit.
Did you not see the tragic loss of life shown in the video?
I have no patience with drunk drivers be they Justice Bobbe Bridge, Venus Velázquez, or President George Bush. It’s appalling you try to make excuses for them.
I listened to Goldy’s show on KIRO for a while on Sunday.
I LOVED it.
Really.
Really I did.
I know of no better way to elect conservatives than to give a moonbat librul a microphone with no adults around and just let him go.
Fucking amazing.
Keep it up goldy. LMAO…
@16 Republican judges = drunks on road
@21 How about a new year’s resolution to pay your debts? Either pay up or stop freeloading on goldy’s site, welsher!
@21 Along the same lines, George W. Bush is the best fundraiser the Democrats ever had, and Mike Huckabee is doing a great job of getting out the Democratic vote!
On this New Year’s Eve before the most contentious preznit election any of us have ever seen…
I wanna encourage you moonbats to nominate The Smartest Woman In The World for POTUS. Her razor sharp political instincts have zeroed in on Socialism, Stalinism, Surrender, and Secularism as the winning strategy.
Absofuckinglutely brilliant. Those ideas have a long track record of success, and clearly resonate with the majority of American people.
Good luck…
NYT Editorial
Out of panic and ideology, President Bush squandered America’s position of moral and political leadership, swept aside international institutions and treaties, sullied America’s global image, and trampled on the constitutional pillars that have supported our democracy through the most terrifying and challenging times. These policies have fed the world’s anger and alienation and have not made any of us safer.
In the years since 9/11, we have seen American soldiers abuse, sexually humiliate, torment and murder prisoners in Afghanistan and Iraq. A few have been punished, but their leaders have never been called to account. We have seen mercenaries gun down Iraqi civilians with no fear of prosecution. We have seen the president, sworn to defend the Constitution, turn his powers on his own citizens, authorizing the intelligence agencies to spy on Americans, wiretapping phones and intercepting international e-mail messages without a warrant.
We have read accounts of how the government’s top lawyers huddled in secret after the attacks in New York and Washington and plotted ways to circumvent the Geneva Conventions — and both American and international law — to hold anyone the president chose indefinitely without charges or judicial review.
Those same lawyers then twisted other laws beyond recognition to allow Mr. Bush to turn intelligence agents into torturers, to force doctors to abdicate their professional oaths and responsibilities to prepare prisoners for abuse, and then to monitor the torment to make sure it didn’t go just a bit too far and actually kill them.
I would vote for Stephanie Miller.
@25 here is an excerpt from a NY Times Conservative columnist David Brooks column dated 1-1-08
The Republican Party is more unpopular than at any point in the past 40 years. Democrats have a 50 to 36 party identification advantage, the widest in a generation. The general public prefers Democratic approaches on health care, corruption, the economy and Iraq by double-digit margins. Republicans’ losses have come across the board, but the G.O.P. has been hemorrhaging support among independent voters. Surveys from the Pew Research Center and The Washington Post, Kaiser Foundation and Harvard University show that independents are moving away from the G.O.P. on social issues, globalization and the roles of religion and government.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01.....ef=opinion
The Republican Party, once the Grand Old Party of Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt and (even) Reagan, is now the party of Coulter and Malkin and Huckabee and Romney and Limbaugh and yes–Puddybud and Mark The Redneck-Goldstein. The Republican Party is not conservative. It is corrupt and incompetent at governing. It is dead and stinking.
Bush can do a lot of damage in the next 385 days. Let us all hope the Democrats show some spine in 2008.
@ 30
From Your Keyboard to God’s Ears! You have got that right!!
@30:
The greatest asset the Democrats have for this next 2008 election are:
1. George Bush – keep up the good work vetoing the s-chip bill and telling us how great the economy is…
2. Dick Cheney: Please, please don’t impeach Cheney, we need him to warmonger for attacking Iran so everyone can remember how he led the chickenhawks into Iraq.
3. Republicans in congress: Everytime they fillibuster and stall, they help reinforce the do-nothing Republican point of view.
The republican pandering to corporate interests, to torture and waterboarding, to unlimited national debt to pay for a permanent Iraq presence and also for the usual number of corruption (corporate payoffs and sexual perversity) cases by republicans in congress.
We need to give thanks to the incompetent and the corrupt republicans for encouraging Americans to abandon the GOP. When they can alienate regular republicans like John McCay – who are actually honest – that further diminishes the GOP to a party of the few, the crooked and the leftover bitter right wing idealogues. I particularly love the “clinton did it” argument. These people are still stuck in the 90’s.
Just to remind these idiots:
1. Clinton created a budget suplus that Bush wasted and turned into a deficit.
2. The Bush administration has turned incompetence into an art form (Gonzalez, Bremer, Brownie, FDA, EPA, FCC – you name it – they screwed it up).
3. CIA torture, lies on intelligence, outing a CIA agent – Bush has also been incompetent (and has subverted the constitution)on foreign policy.
4. We are now at the lowest point we have ever been in worldwide respect. We are a laughingstock of other nations of the world. We couldn’t assemble an anti-terrorism coalition today if we tried – no one would trust us. So we are less secure, because of these pathetic neocons.