by Goldy, 05/30/2010, 6:00 AM

Leviticus 24:16
And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the Lord, shall be put to death.

Discuss, God damn it.

57 Responses to “HA Bible Study”

1. God spews:

I am that I Am

2. liberal scientist spews:

How apropos, here I am in Missouri for a family event, surrounded by Pentecostal family members and Missourians more generally – a very god-fearing bunch all around.

God damn it’s hot here. And I suspect that my heretical, god-denying, blasphemous ways are nothing compared to the sins of my gay brother. I’m pretty god-damned sure they’ll stone him first.

3. Deathfrogg spews:

I’ve been stoned many times. I Have never seen god, nor have I ever been subjected to any unexplainable form of punishment.

I am however, constantly vexed by other folks who constantly threaten me with some form of punishment if I refuse to accept their form of truth and stop believing my own eyes and ears.

Still waiting.

4. God spews:

“God” is not a name anymore than car, vagina, good, or evil is a name.

Why would anyone think I would care what names you use? I have been given many names … Baal, El, Allah, Brahm, Raven, Jesus, Mary, Caesar, … man cares about these names, profanity is a human , not a divine crime. Am I such a small g God, that you think I am obsessed by the names you give Me?

Look no further than this blog. Puddy is convinced that he knows my name, so convinced that he condemns all of you who do not call Me by the name he has chosen to … hell.

Could there be any act more blasphemous than that?

I am that I am.

5. God spews:

@3 deathfrog

Can you see me now?

I am that I am.

6. Leland William Ruble spews:

It’s too bad one can’t throw rocks, stones, and garbage at the invisible tyrannical and biblical god. It’s also pathetic to realize there are people living in this century who take this or any biblical quote seriously.

More harm has come from religious insanity than any other literature based on fiction, fantasy, and exaggerated mythological bulls–t.

7. God spews:

@0 Goldy

Since you asked Me to discuss it, …

And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the Lord, shall be put to death.

Please do note that nowhere i here does this text say that I will put the blasphemer to death … rather the text says “he shall surely be put death” by his congregants …

ain’t this the truth?

Those who claim I have a name have stoned, crucified, burned, and decapitated in “My” name. I never have done such a thing.

Put the blame where it belongs …

I am that I am.

8. Deathfrogg spews:

@ 5

Um, nope. Are you going to punish me?

I’m really not into that sort of thing. But it is a free country, whatever floats your boat and all that.

If you’re interested, I do know a couple of people who would accommodate your interests in that regard. I could make a phone call and maybe do an introduction. I don’t think they charge too much.

9. God spews:

Deathfrog …

How odd ..
you write that you do not see Me yet you reply to Me?

I am the Word, if you can read this you are near to Me.

Exodus 4:11
The LORD said to him, “Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ?

I am that I am.

10. Deathfrogg spews:

@9

I talk to myself all the time. In the grocery story whilst I hunt for food and other sundry items, in my workplace as I perform various tasks, and in internet forums where words and images magically appear in a box on my desk. Often those words appear to be responses to my personal confabulations.

I might be a solipsist, but I could just be imagining that.

I fail to see any distinction here.

11. Rabbi spews:

I always get a whiff of anti-semitism when Goldy cherry picks these passages from Torah. Why are you always picking on the Jewish laws? Aren’t there things from the Gentile Bible you can hold out for inspection?

12. Steve spews:

“And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death”

Hmm, it looks like Puddy and the KLOWN have an appointment at the gates of the city where good people of faith will stone their sorry, lying asses to death.

13. Goldy spews:

Rabbi @11,

Clearly, I know the Torah better than I know the New Testament, which is, well, filled with too much boring preaching, and not enough good stories.

14. Zotz spews:

@11: The Xtrians adopted the OT for rather obviously engineered messianic prophecy (self)fulfillment and it’s important to remember that Jesus was a jew after all. And we mock the xtrians all the time around here!

The OT is largely insanely violent semite dickwaving and victimology. But those messianic prophecies promising payback to the “oppressors” were really useful to justifying Jesus!

Then there’s the psychotic, anal-retentive “rules” of Deuteronomy and Leviticus that we get to mock on Sunday (thanks Goldy!) and the Xtrians selectively use to oppress the “other”.

It’s not anti-semitic, Silly Rabbi! It’s just that the OT is target rich with supremely mockable inanities!

15. SJ spews:

Goldy ..

try the Book of Revelations, it is succulent,

16. slingshot spews:

There should be ample fodder for ridicule in The Book of Mormon, as well. Although Southpark has already taken a swing at that plump pinata.

17. Rabbi spews:

Yes, yes. Let’s have some passages about Magic Underwear from the Mormons, slaughtering infidels from the Koran, and battling giants from Revelations! We Jews have suffered enough at Goldy’s hands here.

18. David Aquarius spews:

The God of Nature has no need for a book of stories, fables, terrors and nightmares. Such a book serves Man and only Man.

To know God, simply look at the mountains, the sea, the desert or the forest. To know Man, simply look at what he has done to those places.

There is no God but Nature, there is no Satan but Man.

Shamanaqua

19. dan robinson spews:

With regard to Revelations, it was well known that Patmos was the home to a lot of different mushrooms, know what I mean, know what I mean, say no more, say no more.

With regard to Jews suffering at Goldy’s hands, all I can say is “Not as much as Goldy is suffering at Goldy’s hand, know what I mean? know what I mean? say no more, say no more.”

And when a piece of fish is good enough for Jehovah, can we not say it?

Oh, right, I’m just making it harder for myself.

20. Roger Rabbit spews:

Shit, Goldy, I don’t wanna be standing next to you when that fucking lightning bolt streaks out of the blue above.

21. Zotz spews:

@15,16,17: Amen!*

I’m an equal opportunity mocker. And there’s a long list of mockable so-called “belief systems”. Bring ‘em on! All of them!

Mormonism is an excellent target for mock! Especially considering my own Mormon heritage (goes way back!). There could be endless mocking of Mormonism and how that’s shaped Beckkk’s broadcast style and testimony meeting tear factory. Or Beckkk’s resurrection of Cleon Skousen’s Mormon infused cold war insanity and American Exceptionalism!

There’s lots to mock when it comes to (all) religion. You’d think some would have figured out by now not to write their insanity down for others to mock, but religionists are just obviously stupid.

Goldy’s is spot on when he says the OT is what he knows best and the boring preachiness of the NT, so give him a little break.

In fact, I suggest we use this thread to collect ideas for future Sundays! And Goldy would probably have to alter the title from HA Bible study — “Sunday Mock” would be good!

*ironic (for an atheist) religious affirmation intended

22. Deathfrogg spews:

@ 18

Amen

23. dan robinson spews:

@18

Amen!

The God of Nature knows where the best weed is. He made sensimilla. If you want to know how awesome God is, He made the best dope. Shit that will get you high by just thinkin about it. Like the best contact high you can imagine, just by thinkin about it. Shit is righteous, man.

24. Steve spews:

“testimony meeting tear factory”

LMFAO! Brings back memories, Zotz. Some of them are very good memories of very good and decent people. But I do know what you mean. I’ve shed and elicited a few tears at Seattle’s 4th Ward myself.

“And there’s a long list of mockable so-called “belief systems”. Bring ‘em on! All of them!”

It must be a very short list of that which is human and which isn’t mockable.

For myself, raised a Christian and still much oriented around the teachings of Jesus, I’ve also distilled Fromm to believe that we all have a religion, a person’s major frame of orientation coupled with an object of devotion. I toss in a dash of Freud and tell myself that illusions have a lousy future while at the same time trying to understand for myself that what limited reality I do perceive is a construct. In the end I’m not left in much of a position to judge anybody else’s beliefs except when those beliefs infringe on somebody else’s freedom. Mockery, though, that’s another story. It’s too bad that self-mockery doesn’t come across well in comment thread conversations with near strangers. I’m never funnier than when making fun of myself as I know the subject matter so well. However, in these threads it’s easier, as well as much more appropriate, to make a mockery of the delusional beliefs of Puddy and to laugh at the psychotic state of mind of our KLOWN. Oh, yeah, I do judge them. Why? I judge them because I believe that the end-game of their beliefs will result in the loss of liberty for others.

25. Steve spews:

“Mormonism is an excellent target for mock!”

All of the Americanized versions of Christianity are ripe for mocking. From Golden Salamanders to Ellen White’s end-of-the-world prophecies to snake-handling to drug and gay-bashing televangelists with golden bath fixtures caught up with doing meth and indulging in gay prostitutes, we have an awful lot of mocking to do.

“Like the best contact high you can imagine, just by thinkin about it.”

Eh, mushrooms maybe, but not pot. But perhaps your milage varies.

26. Zotz spews:

@24:

The honest search for truth — wherever that leads — is out of bounds for mockery, IMO, and is the crucial liberty.

Pudpuller and Klynical’s codified delusion deprives even its adherents of their liberty — let alone their bigoted actions to limit other’s liberty based on their delusion — and is therefore inherently sick and evil — no matter how well meaning.

If it were up to me, I’d isolate them from society as they are a danger to themselves and others. But given that the 1st amendment protects religiously based delusion, mockery will have to do for now.

27. rob spews:

Rabbi,

why is it that some Jews wave the “anti-semitic” flag every time there is anything that might construed as critical of Judaism, no matter how remote. Ever heard the story of the boy who cried wolf?

28. slingshot spews:

Hey Zotz, me to. My Gr, Gr Grandfather converted in Scotland and came over here to hook up w/Brigham in Utah. He was one of the early land stealing pioneers for the man. He founded a town in SE Utah. I was able to shake off the golden chains, but it’s difficult to outrun the Mormon Stazi (the missionaries). They find me everywhere I roam.

Like Tom Robbins said, “everything is sacred and nothing is sacred.”

29. dan robinson spews:

@27

He wasn’t crying “wolf”, he was crying “velvel!”. You goy stole that from us too.

30. Zotz spews:

@28: I believe you mean the local ward “Home Teachers” vice missionaries.

You just have to stop being polite when they contact you or come by (uninvited). They’ll eventually excommunicate you and remove you from the church rolls.

They actually sent several senior people (including Bishops and a Stake President, one of whom was a childhood friend) for an “Are You Sure” prompt before it stopped for me.

31. dan robinson spews:

@30
And, of course, if the backslider is a vampire, they send a wooden stake president.

32. sarah68 spews:

Goldy, you always get these wrong. You must be looking in a Christian Old Testament. Look in the Torah, for God’s sake; it’s not much better but at least it’s accurate. Meshugah blogger.

33. Zotz spews:

@32: He does. There are a lot of versions to choose from, but they all appear to be Xtrian.

You made me curious, so I looked, Here’s the Torah version:

24:16 And he that blasphemeth the Name YHWH (יהוה), he shall surely be put to death, [and] all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the Name [of YHWH (יהוה)], shall be put to death.

Here’s the King James version that Goldy used:

And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the Lord, shall be put to death.

No significant difference (unless there’s some nuance I’m missing) in this case.

34. slingshot spews:

Well either way, the blasphemer should be put to death. It’s quite clear, and I thinketh we all agree.

35. Pink Anderson and Floyd Council spews:

Do you remember the blasphemer scene from the Life of Brian.

Yeah. Me, Too. It was awesome.

36. sarah68 spews:

@33: Admittedly I’ve got the JPS version of the Tanakh which is favored by Reform Jews, but here’s its version:

And to the Israelite people speak thus: Anyone who blasphemes his God shall bear his guilt; if he also pronounces the name Lord, he shall be put to death. The whole community shall stone him; stranger or citizen, if he has thus pronounced the Name, he shall be put to death.

So not much difference but it emphasizes the Israelite people as a community should do this, not every single “congregation” on earth. It’s a Jewish book and if the Christians want to claim it, they shouldn’t complain about it.

Goldy’s just stirring the pot with these Christianized quotes and we all rise to the bait, to badly mix metaphors.

37. SJ spews:

Sarah

The English word “The Lord” or “Lord” is used in translations for the hebrew letters yod heh vov heh.

These are taken to mean “I am that I am.”

pronouncing these letters as the Name, including the J word used by Puddy’s coreligionists, is what this verse means by “if he also pronounces the name Lord.”

Now since this only applied in Leviticus to Jews, we only stoned to death blasphemers. like James who called his brother by that name. Jesus, of he had sais the words in the Roman Bible would, of course, have been stoned to death.

Personally, I do not think we should stone Puddy to death or even the POpe, since as non Jews they can call God whatever THEY want to without blasphemy. ….

unless, of course they actually care what God wants. Then, I suppose they should stone each other?

38. proud leftist spews:

28,
Like Tom Robbins said,

“Tequila, the buzzard god that copulates in midair with the ascending souls of dying virgins.”

I suppose that is not Gospel, but it is religious.

39. sarah68 spews:

Thank you, SJ, but don’t assume your fellow Jews don’t know what you explained. And for Christians, whatever is specified in Leviticus, etc. as being necessary was seldom carried out and, of course, once the rabbis produced the Talmud, most of it was explained away.

Which is another reason why Christians should just leave the Torah alone and stick to their book.

40. Rujax! spews:

LOOK!!!

There goes the Flying Spaghetti Monster…

41. SJ spews:

@39 sarah

Sorry, I did not mean to patronize.

My intent was the same as yours. If Christians want to worship a birn again vatar of Dionysius, that is their business.

When they claim that they are following the jewish Bible, that is the Torah, and then denigrate the yodden that is bigotry.

42. Deathfrogg spews:

@ 40

The politically correct term for that is Mercurial Vermicelli Barbarian.

It occurred to me that the biochemical limitations of my own central nervous system restrict my creativity too much to acutally apprehend solipsism.

Perhaps I need another shot of Wild Turkey. Such synaptic lubricants always seem to have a positive effect for me in interlocutions such as these.

Then again, that could merely be a product of my own tergiversation.

43. proud leftist spews:

42
Shoot another Turkey. They are, after all, no longer native species, but introduced species. Kind of like contemporary Republicans.

44. Deathfrogg spews:

@ 43

There are still plenty of native birds to be found in Eastern Washington. They do seem to make themselves scarce starting around the middle of October though.

The last time I was able to locate such an animal it was purely by chance, and it just stood there with his beak hanging open as I took its head off with my 16 gauge. He never saw it coming.

They are all over the place around Northport.

45. proud leftist spews:

44
I see turkeys around my dad’s place in northern Idaho all the time. But, they have been reintroduced from the east; all of ours out west were wiped out. Shoot them. Northport? Are you talking the BC border?

46. Deathfrogg spews:

@ 45

Just south of there, in the hills just southeast of Northport. Deep lake Boundary Rd off of county Hwy 700. They’re all over the place. Big fat smart ones.

Not smart enough though.

47. proud leftist spews:

46
Turkeys are hard to shoot when they’re wary. Damned tough. They seem to become domesticated too soon, however. Then, they are, uh, easy pickings.

That’s a tough place to be something other than a Teabagger. My dad has held up his own in Idaho, but he’s tiring of it as he approaches 80. I know a couple liberals up there, some old hippies, some get-back-to-the earth types, but, you’ve got a hard gig as a left-of-Beck person there.

48. Deathfrogg spews:

@ 47

Oh, I don’t live there. I just go there for thanksgiving or logging shows occasionally. You’d be surprised how many liberal type folks you find in the timber industry, outside of the mills of course.

49. ArtFart spews:

I think it was Leonard Feather who when asked to condense the history of jazz into a single phrase, came up with “Louis Armstrong, Charlie Parker”.

Similarly, through my lifelong quest to understand my faith, I still come back to a similarly basic reference to what’s really important in the Christian Bible:

Genesis 1, Matthew 5

The rest, by comparison, is decoration and filler.

50. Deathfrogg spews:

@49

The rest, by comparison, is decoration and filler.

And obfuscation.

Do you think Charlie Parker ever quoted Goethe?

51. Zotz spews:

@36 and 37: Thanks for the lesson!

When the Xtrians adopted the OT to establish a divine pedigree for Jesus, they took on a whole lot of weird stuff (in this day and age) too. Silly Xtrians…

52. SJ spews:

@51 Zotz

Yeh .. and they added a whole lot more of craziness … the kind that led to multiple genocides … the crusades, slavery, 1492 Spain, the American Indian, modern witch hunting in Zimbabwe, the Shoah …………………….

Of course the cool Christian thing is to blame all of this on man since their God is too good to fail.

53. Puddybud sez, Ask the goatsee the caboose of every thread spews:

Puddy is convinced that he knows my name, so convinced that he condemns all of you who do not call Me by the name he has chosen to … hell.

And you received this information from where?

54. Puddybud sez, Ask the goatsee the caboose of every thread spews:

Pudpuller and Klynical’s codified delusion

blah blah blah…

When Jesus comes in His Father’s clouds of Glory what will the eyesore say except Oops… Puddy and Cynical were right?

If God is a fable and Jesus is fake, Puddy and Cynical have lost nothing to the “fable”… Butt, if Jesus is the Son of God as Puddy and Cynical believe, your “big bumper crop” will be the southern pile you all created for years and years from a northbound HORSESASS! And…. you’ll be wallowing in it before His Glory does it’s work :)

55. God spews:

Puddy

If Jesus is not the Son of God as Puddy and Cynical believe, and if the Muslims or Mormons or the Torah itself are correct“ then you’ll be wallowing in it before His Glory does it’s work

Bad logic my feline-esque friend, bad logic.

If your Jesus and His Father are the real Gods, then you are worshipping evil beings who would harm others, not me.

I am the I am,

56. God spews:

@49 49. ArtFart

Armstrong & Parker & Monk & Coltrane

one better than a mere trinity, a divine quatrain!

57. Steve spews:

” the southern pile you all created for years and years from a northbound HORSESASS”

Puddy once again delivers hatred in the name of Jesus Christ.