An anti-American terrorist group struck down the U.S. Government early Tuesday morning. The Government is now shut down for an indeterminate period that could last from mere hours to, perhaps, weeks.
The terrorists, who go by the name Republicans, have no known ties to al Qaeda but share a similar hatred of the U.S. Government and, apparently, share similar ambitions of shutting down and ultimately destroying the U.S. Government. The Republican’s methods of terrorism resemble those of al Qaeda in conducting hostage taking, demanding ransoms and, in the extreme, engaging in suicide missions. Unlike the individual suicide missions of al Qaeda operatives, however, Republican terrorists commit suicide as a group.
A full assessment of the damage to the U.S. Government brought on by the Republican terrorists actions is still underway. Sadly, the terrorist attacks will negatively impact millions of Americans every day until the U.S. Government can be restored to operational status.
Informed observers believe the U.S. Government will eventually make a full recovery, but likely with fewer Republican terrorists.
brilliant satire. Well done.
Best HA post ever.
Any non-obscurantist commentary to enumerate the ways in which the shutdown tactic is unlike a terrorist attack?…
Well, terrorists use guns and bombs and stuff to kill people to get their way. Republicans just withhold aid to the sick and needy and watch them die slowly.
Well, not watch, I mean who want’s to see that?
More seriously, this is no more a terrorist attack than any one of the hundreds of movies about terrorist attacks. It’s theater. The democrats want this shutdown just as much as the republicans and both will profit hugely from it.
What do you really expect to come out of this other than a surge in political donations?
@ 4 oxbrain:
I’m not sure that the use of unique weapons to kill people makes it unlike a terrorist attack, though I’m certainly willing to hear you out.
Here’s where I have a problem:
First, so far as I’m aware, no terrorist has ever used a “dirty bomb” to attack the United States. Were someone to use that tactic, I hardly think anyone would say it was not a terrorist attack just because it hadn’t been done before.
Second, terrorism is the tactic, whereas the weapon of choice is the means to deploy the tactic. We wouldn’t say a person isn’t a bank robber, for example, based on the means used to rob the bank (eg. passing a note to the teller, using a gun in broad daylight, breaking into the vault in the cover of night, etc).
I’m not convinced that the weapon chosen makes it unlike a terrorist attack.
@ 5 oxbrain:
I agree that extremists on both sides will open their wallets. However, it appears to me that were the Boehner puppet able to allow the “clean” CR to be voted on the floor, all indications are that enough Republicans would have joined all the Democrats to vote it into law, and the President would have signed it.
I don’t see that anyone other than the anarchists “wanted” the shutdown. I would agree that many Democrats are shaking their heads and snickering about the anarchist problem within the Republican party. I’m sure they’re fine with that. But that’s all I can discern.
They’re merely following in the footsteps of al Qaeda moles George “W” Bush and Dick Cheney. It all makes so much more sense now…
I wonder if they’re also linked to the injury-causing explosion at UC-Berkeley tonight?
Yes and had they caughed up a few more trillion it all could have been avoided
Why is there a banner ad for John Cronyn on this page? This ain’t Texas.
Republican Hypocrisy On Display
“House Republicans … Monday … resorted to seeking a ‘conference committee’ to resolve the differences. For Sen. Patty Murray (D-Wash.), chair of the Senate Budget Committee, the move is ironic. She has been trying for more than a half-year to go to a conference to work out dramatic differences between the Senate budget and the House version. Senate and House Republicans have objected, repeatedly.”
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.....20621.html
Roger Rabbit Commentary: As I’ve posted before, Romneycare is the make-or-break battle of the GOP’s crusade to eviscerate the basic concept behind FDR’s New Deal, i.e. that government has a legitimate role in taking care of its citizens. If they lose this battle, they’ve lost their war against liberal ideals and “big government.” That’s why they will go to any lengths to destroy Romneycare — even though they decisively lost that fight in the 2012 election. Lacking the votes to defeat Romneycare, they’re resorting to thuggery. All the Democrats have to do is grow a spine and ride this one out. The Rethugs have already lost this fight, and everyone — including them — knows it.
@10 That wasn’t a concern of theirs when they squandered trillions on tax breaks for billionaires and a recreational war in Iraq.
@ 12. Roger Rabbit:
It would seem they’re not heeding John Tamny over at Forbes.com:
The Republicans Must Aggressively Seek Credit For The Federal Government Shutdown
…I’d have to give them credit for that.
And if DC only had the unaffordable care act everyone would have gotten free care and survived..oh my
@ 15 gs:
That makes sense–You shine light on the total hypocracy of Senator Cruz and everyone in the Tea Party Caucus for adamantly refusing to defund Social Security and Medicare as part of the shutdown attack.
That they will not even consider opposing any socialism of any sort that isn’t specifically associated with the name “Obama” is pathetic and anathema to true libertarian philosophy.
I like your enlightened perspective. Could you help me with enumerating the ways that the shutdown tactic is unlike a terrorist attack so we can refute Darryl’s posting (See #3 above)? Thanks!
By the way, do the exchanges still open on time? I mean, this was one of the things that the GOP was trying to stop with the legislative ping ponging going on?
Ok, it’s been over 3 hours and the only suggestion about how the shutdown attack is unlike a terrorist attack has to do with the weapon of choice–and there seem to be some problems with that perspective. Not the least of which is that it came from someone who seems to have offered it tongue-in-cheek.
The one difference I could come-up with myself is that terrorist attacks are deemed unlawful and the presumed perpetrators are hunted-down and prosecuted using the full force of the law and military–and anything else deemed appropriate at the time.
I don’t think that is the case here.
So far, the possible differences are:
(1) Possibly the weapon of choice (disputed), and
(2) Possibly immunity from the law (proposed).
Congressional Oath of Office:
I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God.
The Constitution:
The validity of the public debt of the United States, authorized by law, including debts incurred for payment of pensions and bounties for services in suppressing insurrection or rebellion, shall not be questioned. But neither the United States nor any State shall assume or pay any debt or obligation incurred in aid of insurrection or rebellion against the United States, or any claim for the loss or emancipation of any slave; but all such debts, obligations and claims shall be held illegal and void.
NOTE: Currently there is no action to withhold pay from those Members of Congress who this day rose-up in aid of insurrection and rebellion against the United States.
Don’t y’all just hate White Collar Terrorism?
I do…
19)Nice term for it.
The Australians might have it right. If a budget faips to clear the Senate twice in a short period, its a snap election with both houses dissolved. Then again, they have a more proportional system.
On a railfan board, it was mentioned that Amtrak is unaffected. If it were, Train 8 out of Seattle, would have been on a single track main, between Wenatchee and Ephreta at 9pm.
Why doesn’t SPEAKER BONER allow either of the CRs passed by the Senate come to the floor of the House for a vote?
Is it fear that it would easily pass?
Is it fear of the
TEAHADISTSTERRORISTS?Either way it sure isn’t good leadership.
You people are fucking sick, what a pathetic post.
@24 Nope:
Please help us disprove Darryl by contributing to the growing list of ways in which the shutdown tactic is unlike a terrorist attack (See #18 above). Thanks!
@17
The exchanges were already funded. They’re open for business.
@24 Get a life. This is satire, dummy! Have you no sense of humor? No, of course not, not if you’re a Republican. Republicans are humorless (not to mention brainless).
@25 “the growing list of ways in which the shutdown tactic is unlike a terrorist attack”
This particular “terrorist attack” is making the stock market go up.
@ 28 Roger Rabbit:
I believe you may be on to something here. A quick perusal of research on the effects of terrorist attacks on stock markets seems to show there is indeed a negative correlation. Initially at least, there seems to be a difference here.
I notice that the Health Care and Technology sectors are leading the rise (1.09% and 1.07%, respectively).
Action heats up in DC again and GOATBOY disappears again.
Must be GOATBOY’S CORPORATE MASTERS have called him to action.
So is GOATBOY attacking Dems or the moderate RETHUGS?
Only BUTTPUTTY knows for sure.