Today at 5:30pm, Starbucks’ across America will be closing early to train their staff on how to make better coffee.
“We will have all new standards for how we create the drinks,” said spokeswoman Valerie O’Neil. “They will be trained in creating the perfect shot, steaming the milk and all the pieces that come together in a drink.”
Not to be out done, local conservative bloggers will be closing early as well, but not to make better coffee:
“We’re going to use the blog’s downtime to figure out a way to make Eric Earling’s posts interesting to read,” said Sharkansky. “I mean, Snohomish County? Who gives a fuck?”
Mark Gardener of the Whacky Nation blog announced some changes as well.
“We’re going to give our readers what they’ve been asking for, and that’s fewer YouTube clips of Lou Guzzo, and more clips of kangaroos masturbating.”
Frankly, I don’t know how successful these guys are going to be, but I’m looking forward to better espresso.