I write stuff! Now read it:
by Goldy — ,
[HA Bible Study is on hiatus through the November election as we honor Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney by studying the scriptures of his Mormon religion.]
Book of Mormon, Ether 11:14
And it came to pass that Ethem did execute judgment in wickedness all his days; and he begat Moron. And it came to pass that Moron did reign in his stead; and Moron did that which was wicked before the Lord.
Discuss.
by Goldy — ,
by Goldy — ,
by Goldy — ,
Genesis 5:1-3
This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him;Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.
And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, and after his image; and called his name Seth.
Discuss.
by Goldy — ,
by Goldy — ,
by Goldy — ,
I posted this video to Slog, but my editors deleted it, apparently because it is simply too offensive to objectify a man for his breasts. Huh.
But you know what? Politics is a nasty game. Republicans win all the time by portraying themselves as more manly, but this is one race in which the Democrat, Jay Inslee, has the clear and undisputed manliness advantage. Is it kind to point out McKenna’s man boobs? Is it mature? Is it relevant? Does it add to public discourse? Of course not.
But for some voters, if they perceive McKenna as less manly, it will cost him votes. So for me, this makes McKenna’s boobs fair game.
(Also, what the fuck? Who puts out a political TV ad with video like that? That’s media malpractice.)
by Goldy — ,
1 Kings 1:1-4
King David was now an old man, and he always felt cold, even under a lot of blankets. His officials said, “Your Majesty, we will look for a young woman to take care of you. She can lie down beside you and keep you warm.” They looked everywhere in Israel until they found a very beautiful young woman named Abishag, who lived in the town of Shunem. They brought her to David, and she took care of him.
Discuss.
by Goldy — ,
Hosea 3:1-3
Once again the Lord spoke to me. And this time he said, “Hosea, fall in love with an unfaithful woman who has a lover. Do this to show that I love the people of Israel, even though they worship idols and enjoy the offering cakes made with fruit.”So I paid fifteen pieces of silver and about ten bushels of grain for such a woman. Then I said, “Now you are mine! You will have to remain faithful to me, though it will be a long time before we sleep together.”
Discuss.
by Goldy — ,
by Goldy — ,
by Goldy — ,
by Goldy — ,
Genesis 9:20-25
Noah farmed the land and was the first to plant a vineyard. One day he got drunk and was lying naked in his tent. Ham entered the tent and saw him naked, then went back outside and told his brothers. Shem and Japheth put a robe over their shoulders and walked backwards into the tent. Without looking at their father, they placed it over his body.When Noah woke up and learned what his youngest son had done, he said, “I now put a curse on Canaan! He will be the lowest slave of his brothers.”
Discuss.
by Goldy — ,
by Goldy — ,
Eager to share our brilliant political commentary and blunt media criticism, but too genteel to link to horsesass.org? Well, good news, ladies: we also answer to HASeattle.com, because, you know, whatever. You're welcome!