My endorsements (like anybody really cares)

I don’t expect any candidates to be trumpeting their HorsesAss.org endorsement in their TV ads, but for what it’s worth, here they are.

Governor

For governor, an overwhelming, unqualified endorsement of Ron Sims. You listen to Dino Rossi and Christine Gregoire speak about what they want to achieve as governor, and it’s hard to disagree with them. And then Ron gets up there and tells you how he’s going to achieve it. What this state has sorely lacked for the last eight years is leadership, and for that quality alone Ron gets my vote.

I can forgive Gregoire for her office’s humorless and selective persecution of my “horse’s ass” initiative last year. What I can’t forgive her for is her timid and dishonest reaction to Ron’s bold tax reform proposal. Gregoire called the Sims’ plan “dead on arrival” and said that “leadership is about getting things done.” In my opinion, that’s not leading, that’s following.

And to all you scaredy-cat big D’s who prefer Sims but are voting for Gregoire because you think she’ll be the stronger candidate against Rossi, I say, you get the candidate you deserve.

Attorney General

Up until last week I wasn’t entirely decided on this one. I like Mark Sidran. He’s smart, funny, competent, experienced… exactly the sort of Republican I could see myself voting for. But in a Democratic primary, the edge goes to Deborah Senn, who is equally competent — if not quite so funny — and, well… a real Democrat.

I’d always been leaning towards Senn because I want an attorney general who is more concerned with defending the rights of citizens than corporations. And the million dollar smear campaign engineered by the GOP and the Seattle Chamber of Commerce (figure it out for yourself) was the clincher.

I’m voting for Senn because I think she’ll make the best attorney general. But I’m also voting for her because I want to give the finger to the powerful business interests who tried to buy this election.

(Oh… and in the unlikely case that a Republican is looking to me for electoral guidance, absolutely go for Mike Vaska. Not only is he incredibly more qualified than Rob McKenna, if he wins the nomination it will be a nice “up your’s” to state Republican Party dictator chair Chris Vance.)

Seattle Families and Education Levy

The purpose of this levy is to close the achievement gap between different income and racial groups by providing “readiness for school” programs. Things like preschool, health clinics at high schools and middle schools, social workers to help families deal with truancy and other problems.

Let’s not sugar coat it. If you are narrow-minded, short-sighted and mean-spirited enough to vote against this levy, I’m going to go to your house and grab the money out of your wallet myself, you sick, selfish bastard.

Um… that means, vote Yes.

8th Congressional District

In the Democratic primary, the choice is clear: Dave Ross. Or maybe Alex Alben. They are both strong candidates who I trust to make the right decisions in Congress. Fortunately, I don’t vote in the 8th District, so I don’t have to make up my mind. (And I have nothing against Heidi Behrens-Benedict, except her name is too long, and she’s an incredibly awful public speaker.)

If I was voting on the Republican side, Conrad Lee would be my hands down pick. And that my friends is why I don’t mourn the passing of our ridiculous “open primary.”

Judges

I say, write in Beavis & Butthead creator “Mike Judge” for every position. Like 99.99% of voters, I am totally unqualified to elect judges, so who am I to endorse any?

That said, under no circumstances are you to vote for BIAW-stooge Jim Johnson for Supreme Court. No, really. If you do fill in the little circle next to his name, your ballot will burst into flames, and you’re likely to get a nasty burn.

So that’s it. My hands are cramping so that’s all the endorsements you’ll see from me tonight. Follow them… don’t follow them… it’s a secret ballot, so what will I know.

Just whatever you do, ignore all the “this isn’t the primary we want” whining and get out there and vote. Unless of course, you plan to vote for that nutcase, Jim Johnson, in which case, I suggest you just stay at home.