Contact: David Goldstein
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
"Horse's Ass" Initiative Officially Numbered I-831
Sponsor Dubs Initiative an "831-Pound Gorilla"
Olympia, WA, January 23 -- The Office of the Secretary of State announced today that the initiative seeking to proclaim anti-tax impresario Tim Eyman a horse's ass, has successfully completed its filing, and has been assigned the number I-831.
Upon hearing the news, I-831 sponsor David Goldstein immediately dubbed his initiative the "831-pound gorilla of Washington politics." When informed that Mr. Eyman had already referred to his own initiative as an "807-pound gorilla," a defiant Mr. Goldstein replied, "My gorilla is bigger than his gorilla. Besides, whoever heard of an 807-pound gorilla? That's just plain stupid."
Leading zoologists concur. Dr. John Robertson, Professor Emeritus at Washington State University agreed that an 807-pound gorilla would be "abnormally obese." According to Dr. Robertson, the average male gorilla grows to approximately 400 pounds, with the largest specimens rarely topping 500. The only reported case of an 800-plus pound gorilla turned out to be a pair of conjoined twins who toured the carnival circuit during the 1940's and 50's. "Although," Dr. Robertson explained, with today's modern surgical techniques "they might have easily led separate and productive lives."
Prior to the January 6, 2003 filing date, Mr. Eyman prematurely claimed his newest initiative would be numbered I-800, and frequently referred to it as an "800-pound gorilla." However, Mr. Eyman failed to obtain the number he had expected, after ignoring the possibility that he might not be the only person alive on this planet.
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