Colorado Springs’ New Life Church just announced that it has fired Pastor Ted Haggard for his “sexually immoral conduct.” The much publicized meth and gay hooker scandal has elicited a little bit of soul searching and a lot hemming and hawing from Haggard’s fellow Evangelical leaders, but perhaps the most ridiculous response came yesterday from Pastor Mark Driscoll of Seattle’s Mars Hills mega-church-wannabe. Writing in his personal blog, Driscoll offers his fellow pastors “some practical suggestions” on how to avoid the type of temptation that consumed Pastor Haggard. And near the top of his list?
“Most pastors I know do not have satisfying, free, sexual conversations and liberties with their wives. At the risk of being even more widely despised than I currently am, I will lean over the plate and take one for the team on this. It is not uncommon to meet pastors’ wives who really let themselves go; they sometimes feel that because their husband is a pastor, he is therefore trapped into fidelity, which gives them cause for laziness. A wife who lets herself go and is not sexually available to her husband in the ways that the Song of Songs is so frank about is not responsible for her husband’s sin, but she may not be helping him either.”
Uh-huh. Leave it to a fundamentalist Evangelical preacher to have such a profound understanding of human sexuality. Or as the inimitable Dan Savage so aptly put it:
“I’m sure Ted Haggard is saying something along these lines to his wife right now: ‘Oh, honey… I wouldn’t have been having those meth-fueled ass-banging sessions with that gay hooker if you hadn’t have let yourself go like that!’ “
Of course, using Pastor Driscoll’s line of reasoning one would suppose about two-thirds of married, middle-aged Americans — men and women alike — to be meth-addicted homosexuals. Hmm. I haven’t looked at the statistics recently, but that figure strikes me as just a tad high… at least, outside of Colorado Springs.
But scroll further down Pastor Driscoll’s list and you’ll find some more useful suggestions on how to avoid temptation. Like a pastor should never travel alone, or freely give out his cell phone number, or hang out at places where he might come in contact with “lonely people”… you know… like at his own church. Pastor Driscoll also advises against keeping “a secondary email account from which to build a secret identity.” Personally, it never occurred to me to create a secret identity, but I suppose the prospect must have some appeal to joyless, rigidly moral, puritanical hypocrites like Pastor Driscoll and his colleagues.
But mostly what I’ve learned from Pastor Driscoll’s sage advice is that becoming a pastor is a great way to meet women. (And men, I guess.) Apparently, the ladies think pastors are hot:
“I have, however, seen some very overt opportunities for sin. On one occasion I actually had a young woman put a note into my shirt pocket while I was serving communion with my wife, asking me to have dinner, a massage, and sex with her. On another occasion a young woman emailed me a photo of herself topless and wanted to know if I liked her body. Thankfully, that email was intercepted by an assistant and never got to me.”
Pastor Driscoll has been “blessed with a trustworthy heterosexual male assistant,” and I’m sure he was equally thankful to intercept that scandalous email. Praise the Lord.
Wow. Mega-church preachers are like rock stars — there’s sexual temptation lying behind every pew. With office perks like that, even a secular Jew like myself might consider becoming an Evangelical preacher, except, unlike Pastor Driscoll, I’m not into all that kinky stuff:
“How can we proclaim that we are new creations in Christ if we continually return to lap up the vomit of our old way of life?”
Blyech!
If I ever find myself alone in a room with Pastor Driscoll, remind me to stay off the meth.
Divorce courts work well. It certainly isn’t his wife’s fault that he’s a damn pervert! Everyone has choices, if you don’t like your spouse – Get the hell out of the marriage.
Definition:
To Swift Boat – to tell the truth about a candidate!
November 4, 2006
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
New Life Church
Colorado Springs, Colorado
We, the Overseer Board of New Life Church, have concluded our deliberations concerning the moral failings of Pastor Ted Haggard. Our investigation and Pastor Haggard’s public statements have proven without a doubt that he has committed sexually immoral conduct.
The language of our church bylaws state that as Overseers we must decide in cases where the Senior Pastor has “demonstrated immoral conduct” whether we must “remove the pastor from his position or to discipline him in any way they deem necessary.”
In consultation with leading evangelicals and experts familiar with the type of behavior Pastor Haggard has demonstrated, we have decided that the most positive and productive direction for our church is his dismissal and removal. In addition, the Overseers will continue to explore the depth of Pastor Haggard’s offense so that a plan of healing and restoration can begin.
Pastor Haggard and his wife have been informed of this decision. They have agreed as well that he should be dismissed and that a new pastor for New Life Church should be selected according to the rules of replacement in the bylaws.
That process will begin immediately in hopes that a new pastor can be confirmed by the end of the year 2006. In the interim, Ross Parsley will function as the leader of the church with full support of the Overseers.
A letter of explanation and apology by Pastor Haggard as well as a word of encouragement from Gayle Haggard will be read in the 9:00 and 11:00 service of New Life Church.
Wingnuts – pray for this man’s soul. It was obviously Bill Clinton’s fault!
Hey ChristmasGhost! What’s with the board of the conservative, Republican-leaning Church? They’re so homophobic!
Link
Juuuuuuuust another hypocrite……..
Why are most modern christians going to burn in hell?
Take a look at his wife, after five kids.
This Driscoll character is a pig. If he’d say something like that about a woman who looks like Mrs. Haggard, imagine what he must think of the more average looking members of the female population.
EWevr notice how the righties quote the Bible as their authority for whipping up a frenzy over gay marriage but say nothing about divorce which is more expressly forbidden in the Bible? Could it be that the gay-hating gay republican bible thumpers are just hypocrites? Of course.
A vote for a republican is a vote for hypocrisy.
Pretty quiet day. Not too many wingnuts.
(crickets)
Things must look grim for them.
(crickets)
Hi spokan yes you have got that right!!
Studies have shown that the US voting populace has turned decidedly Democratic since Hurricane Katrina. I want to thank Goldy for personally leading the charge on the Reps since the Hurricane with his exposure of “Brownie”. I believe he is personally responsible for a major shift in American politics.
Thanks again.
WOW….i have to agree with you goldy 100% on this one…..the far right bible belters should scare everyone. after all…in another country they would be making women wear burkahs.
and somehow this is his wife’s fault? good grief…..
BUT…here is something for everyone to think about. when ever a story like this breaks look at the timing, and the source[s]. for instance there’s this little gem off the net :
“Jones also said Haggard snorted methamphetamine before their sexual encounters to heighten his experience but has denied selling drugs. He agreed to take a lie-detector test Friday; the administrator of the test said the answers about his sex allegations “indicated deception.”
so….yes, the guy is a creep. but with the election right around the corner ….don’t you think this is a tad bit suspicious?
try thinking about it without your “party” in mind if you can….
Rove got one thing right about the fucking nuts! Love the pictures with the good pastor and bush.
From another poster on a different blog; I thought it was great.
by: Your Conscience @ Nov 04, 2006 — 4:45 PM MST
[ Reply ]
At least the methamphetamine part was ok…
So buying illegal drugs (repeatedly) is not a sin, but OMG faggotry! ‘Art’ from Kansas (he should have said San Francisco, ha) reminds me of that character in the movie ‘American Beauty’, the tough guy who hated and disparaged homosexuals in public, while having gay fantasies in private. When I saw the movie I thought it was an implausible piece of fiction; little did I know this seems to be a defining characteristic of the GOP psyche: angry, resentful, repressed, hateful–mostly of themselves, it seems.
4. clueless;
The reason they are going to hell? Is that they have let their Ministers bigotries into their hearts, and not doing what they know Jesus would do. The actual reason they will go to hell, is that stood by and let these people take over their religion and didn’t rise up.
Sorry that was “facts” at 6….I knew it didn’t sound like clueless.
Kudos to Goldie as well on the “Brownie” outing.
He sounds kind of wacky-pack to me.
the far right bible belters should scare everyone.
Why should they scare you ghost? They’re a huge part of the base of the Republican Party. Dobson, Haggard, Robertson, Falwell, all the megachurch pastors and on and on – they deliver votes for your “team” in droves.
They voted in great numbers for Dino Rossi. Remember?
clueless……they do scare me….really rotten people with a power base always do…. and they do not represent the GOP as much as you would like to think it and say it. don’t you think they vote in droves for democrats too? no? think again…they do.
these people aren’t even christians in the true sense …they are power hungry control freaks. and in that they have a great similarity to most politicians.can’t you see that?
as for “teams”…honey…i wonder which one you are on.
personally….i am not interested in “teams”. that’s group think and i have no time for it. no great thought or idea was ever created by group think. you seem too smart to fall for it,and yet you do………
It’s time for some humor. Here is a great spoof ad for U.S. Senate. You have to watch this one!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLXllm4e4nU
they do not represent the GOP as much as you would like to think it and say it.
Oh really? GWB, Karl Rove, Ken Mehlman, Tom DeLay, Bill Frist etc. – they have nothing to do with these people? Ted Haggard talked to GWB once a week. You really expect me to buy that? It’s a documented fact that Karl Rove and Ken Mehlman’s machine turned out 4 million NEW evangelical voters in 2004, people who never or hardly ever bothered to vote in their lives.
i wonder which one you are on.
You know full well which team I’m on. Don’t give me that. You’ve come here dozens of times calling names like Marxist, communist, socialist, leftist, etc. It doesn’t matter what I say I am. It doesn’t matter that you won’t find any discussion of Marxist theory or ideas here at ha.org (and no “The Socialist” doesn’t count. No-one agrees with him here.) All that matters to you is that I agree with Goldy in the main and them I’m whatever you and your friends at (un)SP feel like calling me.
i am not interested in “teams”. that’s group think and i have no time for it.
I don’t know ghost. It sure seemed you were batting for that (un)SP team pretty hard for a while when you were up here. We were were all “whistling past the graveyard” here at HA.org.
Who’s whistling now as Tuesday approaches?
I have a secret identity! When I want to post on wingnut boards I sign in as “Mickey Rat.”
1
True to an extent, but you gotta wonder about women who marry imprisoned serial killers facing death sentences.
2
Any time a wingnut bandies the term “truth” — watch out!!!
7
Take a look at me after visiting Stefan’s garden. http://tinyurl.com/ya8knz
13
with the election right around the corner ….don’t you think this is a tad bit suspicious? Commentby christmasghost— 11/4/06@ 6:04 pm
I certainly hope so. I hope to God the Democrats are behind this! I’d like to believe they’re smart enough to pull off the same kind of shit the GOP has been doing to us for years.
21
don’t you think they vote in droves for democrats too? Commentby christmasghost— 11/4/06@ 6:46 pm
Nope. Not since Civil Rights.
21 (continued)
You gopers own ’em now, babe.
Or maybe they own you.
re 13: Politically motivated? Gee! Ya think?
Read ’em and weep wingnuts! http://www.electoral-vote.com/
Senate – 51 Dem, 49 Rep
House – 240 Dem, 195 Rep
INVESTIGATIONS! SUBPOENAS! FROG MARCHES! TRIALS! PINK JUMPSUITS!
This is what happens when you make dedicated enemies. There’s a lot more where that came from. We are going to bury you neo-cons, put a wooden stake through your heart and brine the corpse in a vat of holy water.
Still like political hardball?
re 21: Don’t start in with the: “Tese guys are not REAL conservatives. They are . And you gleefully supported them when they were strong. What you are doing now is another sociopath Ted Bundy like move of saying: “We have to get rid of the leftwingers and we’ll get rid of the radical right. BS!!!!
The only ally you will find there is Joe Lieberman — and youcan have him. We don’t want the dumb bastard.
26
Yep Watch out for Roger as knows nothing.
In today’s Letters From Loons section, you really have to wonder whether people are this ignorant:
“Democrats control the House, Senate and governorship in the state. The dismal response from these Democrat leaders to secure our borders and stop the invasion of Islamic [fascists] and all other illegals, puts the citizens of Washington and the rest of America in grave danger. …
— Don Cox, Brush Prairie”
http://seattletimes.nwsource.c.....ets04.html
Roger Rabbit Comment: Don’t sweat the small stuff, Don! I’m locked and loaded.
How’s that constitutional amendment to require revotes in close elections coming along sillyguy? Have you gotten that turkey to fly yet?
Letter From Loons (continued)
“During this November election cliffhanger, the old Three Stooges comedy team has been replaced by new members just as hopelessly inept: President George W. Bush, Rush Limbaugh and Sen. John Kerry. — J. Scott Taylor, Everett”
Ya gotta admit that lumping Bush, Limbaugh, and Kerry in the same basket is original. Four stars.
39
No, make it 3 1/2 stars.
I see in the papers they found a bunch of “Dear God” letters floating in the ocean. The GOP must be emptying their wastebaskets.
David Postman of the Seattle Times exposes a rule-bending Reichert abuse of taxpayer funds and election laws:
“Taxpayers financed an official letter from Congressman Dave Reichert on Tuesday so he could tell constituents ‘of my efforts to support local law enforcement.’ That was just one of thousands of taxpayer-funded letters Reichert has sent as next week’s election approaches.
“It’s … allowed, even though there is a ban on mass mailing of congressional mail 90 days before an election. The law-enforcement letter, like those about Darfur, breast cancer and other issues, went to no more than 499 constituents of the 8th Congressional District. According to House rules, 500 pieces of mail constitute a ‘mass mailing.’ Less than that and the pre-election ban doesn’t apply.
“Reichert’s chief of staff, Mike Shields, said 130 different letters have been mailed since June, when the pre-primary mass-mailing ban went into effect. …”
http://tinyurl.com/yf9bzq
130 mailings x 499 = 64,870 people x 39 cents = $25,299.30 just for stamps + printing costs (whatever they are).
It may be legal; but is it right?
I totally believe a guy that sells himself to other guys! The most respectable people ever. Goldy sell yourself lately? I know Roger and Left foot have some extra cash laying around.
Oops. Fat fingered that one…..
I don’t give a rat’s ass what this guy has done. Gee, there are some slime ball evangelists out there? Now way! that’s the 1st time i’ve ever heard of it. If he is one, well there you have it. It doesn’t harm my love for Christ and I’m glad he died on the Cross for my sins….because I’m a sinner.
Anyone else here not one? Do you care? Do you think morals count? Is there a right and wrong? I don’t think you think so. BTW – be gay…that’s fine with me, but it is a killer to our society and most far left are. I miss the Scoop Jackson Dems…..
I totally believe a guy that sells himself to other guys!
You and the overseers of Haggard’s church apparently. You’re in good company.
BTW – be gay…that’s fine with me, but it is a killer to our society and most far left are.
Hmmm. That gay “killer to our society” was advising the Preznit in the White House once a week. If the Preznit wasn’t on the horn, it was Rove or someone else. The whole place is tainted by the advice of that “killer to our society”.
Are you for impeachment?
Most far left? What’s “far left”? Just to the left of Dino Rossi? Sure seems like that’s the attitude of every wingnut who comes around here. Who was the last Democrat you voted for? Brian Sonntag maybe?
Or did you vote for Will Baker?
Looks like a typical Republican right-wing goofus bird kook.
Gee. What’ll they think of next?
“I hate Republicans and everything they stand for.” Howard Dean,M.D.
Me too, Howard. They, literally, suck.
I believe that God Himself sent us the gift of the heinous Pastor Haggard as a brutal kick in the testicles to the morally rotten-to-the-core Republicans whom we shall never match for sheer slimy pukish evil.
I hate Republicans and everything they stand for.” Howard Dean,M.D.
Me too, Howard. They, literally, suck.
Commentby For the Soulless— 11/4/06@ 9:27 pm
Just a couple more reasons to vote republican.
130 mailings x 499 = 64,870 people x 39 cents = $25,299.30 just for stamps + printing costs (whatever they are).
It may be legal; but is it right?
Commentby Roger Rabbit— 11/4/06@ 8:26 pm
Anything that keeps dems from taking power is right. Nuff said.
Ted Haggard is a living representation of the utter depravity of the Republican Party.
Save your souls and abandon them while you still have a shred of sanity, trolls.
That little voice inside telling you to repent and seek foregiveness is your last shred of sanity.
All is lost for your side. The worst that could happen has happened and you did it to yourselves.
Have you ever seen footage of Il Duce’s bullet riddled body hanging from a lamppost after the liberation of Rome?
That’s the road you guys are on.
Any time a wingnut bandies the term “truth” – watch out!!!
Commentby Roger Rabbit— 11/4/06@ 7:37 pm
Yep, the truth hurts the liberal mind. Good advice.
If the Chinese and Europeans unite to defeat us if the Bushistas succeed in their fascist takeover, they will crush us.
Run for your lives.
Anything that keeps dems from taking power is right. Nuff said.
Hmmm.. Tuesday can’t get here soon enough.
re 55: Stay away from the Jack Daniels. You’ll feel strong for awhile but when you wake up in the morning, the headlines about Haggard will be trumpeting the truth of the depravity of all Republicans.
Let the reality sink into your psyche: The presdent’s main spiritual advisor and the leader of 30 million devout right wing Christofascists is a gay, buttfucked, cracksmoking whoremonger. That’s the quality of person who has the ear of the current preident of the United States.
That’s what’s going in the History Books. Make no mistake about that.
I believe the republicans will have a good night on Tuesday. I know the religous right will turn out in numbers judging from the get out the vote message in churches. It is a good sign seeing more Americans voting, especially church going Americans.
Let’s see if you show up here Wed rufas. By the way, want a massage?
Rufus,
I need a massage real bad. I need some “stuff” too. Please come over.
If you do this for me, I’ll let you speak to Dubya on Monday. He’ll be interested in your vote suppression ideas and your strategy to kill a billion muslims to win the war on terra.
59
I know the religious right will turn out in numbers judging from the get out the vote message in churches.
What are they offered to go to the polling stations? When do the gigolos and the meth dealers show up?
So reading this, there is only one solution for you Goldy:
You have to become a Pastor. Masters of Divinity degrees are easily bought over the internet for $25 and up and you would be set.
1. You preach from your high “horse”
2. You believe you have the correct answers and he/she who doesn’t believe what you say is …well…you choose the words.
3. You have fanatical followers who believe everything you say, facts or not.
4. You finally would meet some women
5. HA could be tax deductible
6. You might get some heavenly intuition
So, what say.
As I said earlier, if the democrats win both houses, you’d be out of a job as a radio host…so that preacher gig might be a good second choice ?
Just a suggestion, but it would solve a lot of problems.
:-)
I thought gody was a ribeye
@ 45 “… I miss the Scoop Jackson Dems……”
Translation: I would be a Democrat, but I hate the gays and the uppity women.
Rufus @ 53:
I have a gun. Is it OK with you if I use it to keep Republicans from power? You stated that you think ANYTHING that keep Democrats from power is OK. I am thinking goose, gander and all that.
Funny how that works.
‘Nuff said?
I am Republican – I lie, cheat and steal when I’m not being a family man and hypocrit or in my case, getting blow jobs from Mike Jones (shut up you fat whore). HAIL HITLER!
The Ted Adventures>
A little bit of Ted in any Republican
For you libruls, AKA ASSWipe moonbats; I never heard of this Ted Haggard before last week. So he visits the White House. Big deal. No news here. I am not one of those evangelical fundies you all like to lump us in together. What is done in the dark is always shown in the light. So he likes a little cock. Most ASSWipes here like their cock too. How many gay blades post on this site? 10, 15, 20?
I will say he was a hypocrite, like most ASSWipes here. You know if you win the House your first order of business is the gay agenda. The second order of business is tax increases. The third order is cut and run.
MWS, great find on those ARAB in the street interviews. Too bad clueless is as always, clueless. When confronted with the truth, a libbie calls it a lie. Typical, typical!
I searched the Internet high and low (cuz I got dem skillz) and Nancy Pelosi SHUT UP. I question the move but understand her motives. If she opens her mouth either way she agrees with either the islamofascists or neo-cons.
Bush finally speaks the truth:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e07uIcQMFlE
And of course you can’t comment to Mark Driscoll’s blog unless you are a member of his church/conference….whatever?!
The photos I saw of Ted Haggard’s wife hardly show that she’s let herself “go”. I would think if that WERE the case, he’d be running after some 20’ish barbie doll look alike, but no, he is doing drugs and is going after male prostitutes!
Mark Driscoll’s remarks make me even more SICK!!!!
He must think a lot of himself, I wonder if he’s over weight at all?
hmmmm
Also, the bible doesn’t say “thou shalt not committ adultry, unless of course, your wife lets herself go!”
NOR DO WE FIND…..a commandment that says “thou shall not LET THYSELF GO in the sight of your husband”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But we do find HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES!!!!!
I’m going to barf!
All of this is really pretty sad. I feel sorry for Haggard’s kids (seven of ’em, isn’t it?) who have to grow up wrestling with the burden of all this. I feel sorry for Haggard’s congregation, who must now (whether they like it or not) try and figure out how many ways in which he’s misled them.
I really, REALLY feel sorry for Mark Driscoll’s wife, not to mention the wives of any guy who’s enough of a schmuck to buy into that shit.
HEY GOLDIE IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU.YOUR CAUGHT YOU TAKING IT IN THE ASS.OH WELL IF YOU DID NOT TAKE MONEY THEY CANY CALL YOU A WHORE.OR CAN THEY
When people begin interpreting the Bible, they look to what they feel are people’s sins. Not understanding that people do not have sexual life style “choices” they deny the sexual lifestyle they have, leading to their unfaithfulness. They do not see that they are denying the sexual being GOD gave them. They are sinners in denying their homosexual being and in Not Living their homosexual being.
69 – Puddybud, thanks once again for demonstrating what a willfully ignorant prick you are.
#1 – Ted Haggard had the ear of your Preznit. Once a week he’d talk to either your Dear Leader or one of his lackeys like Rove or Mehlman. It’s funny you read wingnut propaganda from dozens of sources backward and forward yet you don’t know something like this. I knew this from an ariticle I read in Harpers back in mid 2005.
#2 If your Dear Leader is so hot why are these swarthy, evil-doers still alive or out of jail giving interviews? The answer is simple – your Dear Leader is the most incompetent craphead ever to sit in the Oval Office. Besides you’ve got something in common with those “evildoers” – they’re nuts and you’re a wingnut. They like you are probably all talk and no walk. But hey it makes for great wingnut propaganda that you lap up like a rabid dog.
The liberal agenda is fairness for all – that includes wingnuts and gays. Fairness also means fair taxation. That means higher taxes on unearned income. Under the Democrats the tax burden on the middle class (or what’s left of it) will be lowered.
Adults will be put in charge of foreign and national security policy. Killing for killing’s sake and war profiteering will END.
Have a nice Tuesday.
I don’t know about you David, but with all of these so-called pious Christians coming out of the woodwork as hate-mongering fuckups, I have even more pride in the fact that I’m a Jew. I particularly love it when they “try to save my soul” and tell me I’m “going to hell” for practicing Judaism. Perhaps I’m not as into Jesus as they are, but I think he would rather have a fellow MOT than a hypcrite sharing his company.