TSA Tip from Goldy al-Ḩmār: Eliminate Duty Free

If the Transportation Safety Administration is willing to go so far as to irradiate small children, then clearly, anything that can be done must be done, no matter how expensive, inconvenient or even uncomfortable, to eliminate even the remotest possibility of a terrorist threat. It is in this spirit that I draw upon my own inner terrorist to highlight flaws in our current air travel security system, so that TSA can endeavor to make air travel as absolutely risk-free as possible.

TSA Tip #2: Eliminate Duty Free

While regulations prohibit carrying on duty free spirits in excess of 70% alcohol, there is no such limit on perfumes and colognes, some of which exceed 90% alcohol, and are thus highly flammable. Strategically ignited in one or more locations on an airplane, alcohol fueled fires could cause significant damage and/or injury before being extinguished by the flight crew; indeed, igniting one or more flight attendants might be particularly effective. Jagged, broken bottles from duty free liquor purchases might also make effective weapons in fighting off flight crew and passengers as the fires burn.

Such an attack might not necessarily bring down an airplane, but if the goal is to cause terror, bringing down an airplane might not be necessary.

PREVIOUS TSA TIPS:
Eliminate Web Check-in

Comments

  1. 2

    spews:

    Granting that a higher percentage of alcohol will flare up more impressively, liquids with lower alcohol percentages can be ignited easily. Cognac, used in most things flambée (and further diluted by whatever it’s poured over), is usually 80 proof. That translates to a mere 40% ethanol. Proof = %alcohol * 2.

    Also, liquor comes in appreciably larger bottles than perfume.

  2. 3

    MikeBoyScout spews:

    Clearly flying itself should be banned in the USA.
    I challenge any of you to find a reference to flying and/or airplanes in the constitution.

  3. 4

    Ann Onnymous spews:

    Just the stench of the perfume would be terror-inducing. No need to light it on fire; just spill it down the aisle as you walk to the head.

  4. 5

    spyder spews:

    I think i would prefer to be a consumer goods delivery guy. Those guys who get to drive right up to the inner sanctum of the terminal itself with loads magazines, clothes, books, and food. Once you are on the inside of the TSA wall, there is nothing to stop you from accessing anything a reasonable thinking terror fanatic would desire. Wanna plane? Pick one. Wanna weapon? Wow look at all those unlocked travel gun totes in the baggage areas.

    And we haven’t begun to consider the disgruntled postal workers who drive on over to the planes to drop off the mail bags. There are those, and then of course there are the dozens (at my airport) of ground crews, fuel delivery, operations employees, etc., anyone of whom could have a bad day. But hey, we are super safe….

  5. 7

    manoftruth spews:

    goldstein, its funny how you can ridicule muslims when if people placed the same collective blame on jews you’d be up in arms.

  6. 8

    BigGlen spews:

    Goldy,
    If you are trying to scare me out of flying it is not going to work. I never fly now unless I have no other choose. Because airlines keep adding more rows of seats to their planes. Sitting in an airplane for hours with my knees around my head is painful.
    But the attack you have outlined above will never happen. Muslims do not use alcohol.

  7. 9

    ZBSFAN spews:

    Muslims do use alcohol for lots of things (fuel, cleaning, antiseptic, etc) just not to “drink” for intoxication. :) I think you’re confusing alcohol with bacon. MMMMMMM….bacon.

  8. 10

    spews:

    idioticlyingboy @7:

    goldstein, its funny how you can ridicule muslims when if people placed the same collective blame on jews you’d be up in arms.

    Your cretin act is beyond tiresome. You can (apparently) read English, yet you pretend that you don’t see that Goldy’s target of ridicule is the charade of TSA and airport “security” inspection.

  9. 11

    manoftruth spews:

    @10
    jewinseattle, he uses el-hamar, or something, intimating that all muslims are airline terrorists. its you who does not get it. well, you do, but you prefer propaganda.

  10. 12

    Roger Rabbit spews:

    our current air travel security system, so that TSA can endeavor to make air travel as absolutely risk-free as possible.

    TSA Tip #2: Eliminate Duty Free

    “… alcohol fueled fires could cause significant damage and/or injury …”

    Goldy, you’ve obviously never tried to heat a cup of water on an alcohol camping stove. This is ridiculous! You couldn’t burn down a book of matches with an alcohol fire.

  11. 13

    righton spews:

    Take existing TSA resources….greatly lessen scrutiny of 80 yr old WW2 vets….that time saving you apply to 25 year old Arab males.

    its ridiculous our safety is governed by the PC police and not by logic. I still remember my father, in wheelchair (for frailty) having to take his shoes off and go thru the same procedure we all go thru. stupid

  12. 14

    czechsaaz spews:

    @13

    So someone on the right is arguing for special treatment (NOT “the same procedure we all go thru”) for one class of people. Hmmmmm…where have I heard righties arguing against “special rights for minorities.” Wish I could put a finger on it. Damn, what group of people have righties siad, “we’re not against equal rights but what_____ want is special rights just for them.” Wait. I’ve got it! Gays and blacks.

    Only they usually call it “racial preference”, “affirmative action,” or “the homosexual agenda.”

    Still wanna go with “Old people shouldn’t be security screened?” I maen, no old white people have committed acts of terrorism, right. (James Von Brunn…never heard of him.)

  13. 15

    righton spews:

    Its sad how knickered up the left gets to preserve political correctness.

    all i’m asking is commonsense security. Witness how El Al scrubs its passengers. While all get some inspection, the more likely to commit terror, get more review.

    our system was designed after 19 male arabs killed 5000 people. it does very little (at the airport lines) to account for 80 yr old Army vets are likely not trying to blow up planes. Similarly pregnant moms from Mennonite communites aren’t either.

    your preference for political correctness over common sense is comical

  14. 16

    czechsaaz spews:

    @15

    Ah, playing the “political correctness” card.

    Assuming that everyone who wants to do harm on an airplane CAN’T be non-arab looking is just as much of a problem. D.B. Cooper? Arab? Flight attendent going apeshit on the tarmac, Arab?

    You claimed that your whellchair bound Dad shouldn’t have to go through the same security “we all go thru.” If that’s not what you meant, your communication skills suck.

    I’m a middle aged white guy and I’ve flown El Al. They scanned my passport and asked, “Why were you in Moroco last year?” Behavior/History is WAY more important than physical appearance or ethnic origin. You seem to want to single out passengers with certain names or looks. I’d prefer we look for known behavioral patterns.

    Your preference for racial profiling over all is truly comical.

  15. 17

    honeyf spews:

    Eric Goldman, the official Jew shyster of Silicon Valley, never graduated from law school but he is the best blow job specialist in California. Eric Goldman blows better than any kike I know, or for that matter, any Muslim I know. Eric Goldman does not discriminate, and blows other Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, what have you! On some days, he will even stoop so low as to blow Christians. Did I mention he is butt ugly and also a coke addict? Check out his posts on Mike Masnick’s Techdirt forum to get your kidney prodder going.

  16. 19

    righton spews:

    Czech…you are incorrect.

    Of course El Al quizzed you a bit. A person who went to Morocco might be more dangerous than someone who had never been to an Arab country.

    Our system stinks…we treat all the same, regardless of likeliehood. I want profiling, and deprofilng. No old lady ever hijacked or blew up a plane. Quite a few men have, and gee…most were young…scariest were Islamic. Profiling could mean profiling gun owners, or Heavy Metal fans, or whatever makes sense. turns out evidence to date shows young males from Islamic countries are far higher risk.

    I’m not asking to profile someone just because….but rather with a reason. Again, WW2 vets have never blown up a plane, but young males have…ahem..

  17. 20

    Brenda Helverson spews:

    Brenda’s Answer: Federalize the jobs. Use the same hiring standards that we use for Federal Marshals and other Federal police. Keep the current employees who can hack it and eliminate ther rest. And that might not shorten the lines (but probably will because professionals tend to work faster), but it would bring accountability to the process.

    Right now nobody, Dick Cheney, or The Devil Himself run the TSA and I really can’t tell which (for the purest evil, I always pick Dick)

  18. 21

    manoftruth spews:

    @20
    Right now nobody, Dick Cheney, or The Devil Himself run the TSA and I really can’t tell which (for the purest evil, I always pick Dick)

    yes brenda, cheney is pretty bad. here’s a list of his offensives.

    fought in the army of a foreign country during the first gulf war.

    at a fundraising dinner, stabbed his steak knife multiple times into the table, shouting about his enemies, dead, dead, dead.

    at a congressional meeting, called the reps fucking retards.

    made 18 million from fannie mae.

    has a father who was a member of a violent militant group.

    once sent an enemy a dead fish.

    is known for his vulgar language.

    pretty bad

  19. 22

    czechsaaz spews:

    @19

    Circle the wagons and shoot yourself in the foot.

    “No old lady ever hijacked or blew up a plane.”

    But a crazy old bastard did decide he hated Jews enough to go kill a guard at the Holocaust memorial. Can you, by physical appearance recognize a WWII veteran?

    So in Rightie-On-World, it’s A-O-K NOT to send old white people who may or may not have been vetereans (and no one has ever claimed to serve where they have not, so how is TSA supposed to know) can just sail trhough secutiry without what “we all go thru.”

    But actually doing a minimum security check on EVERYONE is somehow “political correctness” adn “rediculous.”

    Hey, I’d feel safer if TSA singled out a few poeple based on appearance and claims to VFW membership and waived them right on through. Sound great!

  20. 23

    czechsaaz spews:

    @19

    Circle the wagons and shoot yourself in the foot.

    “No old lady ever hijacked or blew up a plane.”

    But a crazy old bastard did decide he hated Jews enough to go kill a guard at the Holocaust memorial. Can you, by physical appearance recognize a WWII veteran?

    So in Rightie-On-World, it’s A-O-K NOT to send old white people who may or may not have been vetereans (and no one has ever claimed to serve where they have not, so how is TSA supposed to know) can just sail trhough secutiry without what “we all go thru.”

    But actually doing a minimum security check on EVERYONE is somehow “political correctness” adn “rediculous.”

    Hey, I’d feel safer if TSA singled out a few poeple based on appearance and claims to VFW membership and waived them right on through. Sounds great!

    And when the first Octogenarian blows up a plane, we can use the ever-so-effective, “No one could have imagined an elderly anglo would do such a thing.”

  21. 24

    czechsaaz spews:

    Hmmmm…Partial post, double post. Never really seen that before. Go with 23, and ignore 22

  22. 25

    righton spews:

    Czech;..in a perfect world of course we’d search everyone. but in private industry (ahem), you have to allocate limited resources. Treating the 80 yr old like the Saudi 25 year old is just stupid.

    you can trot out all sorts of old white guy crimes, but none has carried out mass murder against planes.

    suicidal murder is a specialty of the jihadists, not angry white guys

  23. 26

    Sludge Puppy spews:

    Dick Cheney either got five drafts deferments because he had other things to do during the Vietnam War or won five purple hearts. Which is true?

  24. 27

    manoftruth spews:

    @26
    Dick Cheney either got five drafts deferments because he had other things to do during the Vietnam War or won five purple hearts. Which is true?

    cheney got as many purple hearts as clinton and obama combined

  25. 28

    czechsaaz spews:

    @25

    Wow, you really are ludicrous. in the interests of “Private Industry” you argue that the TSA (Private? Really?) should focus resources and allow a higher risk to all to satisfy your criteria of who and who isn’t a threat?

    First of all, TSA is a government agency and the Right LOVES to argue that protecting citizens and the homeland is the primary function of governent. So…you conceed that the government should cut military spending in all areas except protection from the Jihadists? You conceed that all foreign military bases not directly involved in efforts against the islamic terrorists should be de-emphasized?

    (BTW…just for laughs..David Koresh, white guy, suicidal murderer…countdown to bizare Waco theories in 5…4…3…)

  26. 29

    rhp6033 spews:

    # 27: The Vietnam War draft ended in 1975. Obama graduated from high school in 1979. Care to elaborate on which draft Obama avoided in the same manner as Cheney did?

    By the way, there was a clear pattern during the Nixon years of young Republicans being able to avoid the draft, following which they were put to work in parts of the Republican Party organization. Rove & Cheney are just two of the most notorious examples. They were promptly rewarded for their draft-avoidance by being given positions in the Ford White House.

  27. 30

    rhp6033 spews:

    Profiling based on appearance just doesn’t work.

    It’s impossible to profile for “Muslims”. Islam is the majority religion in a wide swath of territory from Morroco through the Middle East, Iran, Pakistan, Bangledesh, Indonesia, parts of the Phillipines, etc. And there are substantial Muslim populations in virtually every country in the world – including the U.S.

    If you are trying to target “Arabs”, then remember that you are also targeting Israelis as well, since they are descended from the same ancestoral line (the descendents of Abraham). And you’ve completely skipped potential terrorists from other countries including Iran (Persians), Afganistan, and Pakistan.

    And more generally, you can remember that a large terrorist organization can pretty much find someone who doesn’t look like he’s Arabic, Persian, or for that matter Muslim. They’ve already got them in their midst, and if they need a little help there’s certainly a plastic surgeon somewhere who could give them some help. I had a boss from Japan who was pulled over by airport security EVERY TIME for “random” screening – he didn’t look particularly Japanese. When he worked in L.A. he was sometimes mistaken for hispanic.

    Remember that the 9/11 hijackers had instructions to the effect that they could still shave their beards, behave in western ways, and even carry liquor pornography with them in order to avert suspicion, and still be assured of heaven upon their martyrdom.

    And finally, remember that the mastermind behind the bombing of the World Trade Center was supposed to be an elderly Iman residing in the U.S. who was blind. Shave his beard, put him in western clothes, put him in a wheelchair, give him an oxygen tank and have him mimic being the victim of a stroke so he couldn’t talk, and some sympathetic TSA agent would probably assume he’s an aged WWII vet going home to visit his family for the last time.

  28. 31

    czechsaaz spews:

    @30

    That’s the point I was hoping RightOn would arrive at. Thanks.

    Would your average Indonesian register as a threat? (86% Muslim) John Walker Lind would have sailed through. Richard Jewell, had he wanted to bring down a plane, would not have had a problem.

    In the late 1960s through the 70s there was an explosion of hijackings tied to Cuban nationals. That’s why we have metal detectors in the first place. Are we singling out people of Cuban apperance? (Damn, that would be tough.)

  29. 32

    czechsaaz spews:

    Of course by Richard Jewell I meant Eric Rudolph. Damn CNN! Even though I know Jewell wasn’t the guy he’s still the first name that pops in my brain connected to the Olympic bombing.

  30. 33

    Chris Stefan spews:

    You know I happen to know a bit about what is considered “best practices” in security screening.

    For the most part it is all behavior based not on someone “looking middle-eastern” or a “WWII vet” or whatever. Trained people look you in the eyes and ask you some simple questions. Most of the time someone who is up to no good will give themselves away through behavior when subjected to this treatment.

    The best part? It doesn’t come across as particularly invasive or rude to people who are just going on about their business.

  31. 34

    Poster Child spews:

    righton @ 25 I don’t know, you could argue that Capt. Will Rogers III (Ret) carried out mass murder against planes…

  32. 35

    manoftruth spews:

    @29
    # 27: The Vietnam War draft ended in 1975. Obama graduated from high school in 1979. Care to elaborate on which draft Obama avoided in the same manner as Cheney did?

    oh come on. first, i was using a bit of literary license. but, you just stepped in your own poop because i notice you didnt mention clinton who famously wrote letters trying ot excuse himself.

  33. 36

    rhp6033 spews:

    MoT # 35: No, I didn’t defend Clinton. But you were the one to include Obama, which as my old football coach used to say, was “a hole big enough to drive a truck through!”

    But if you really want to compare Clinton’s attempts to avoid the draft with Karl Rove, feel free. Please note while doing so that Karl Rove was essentially working full-time for the College Republicans and under a student deferment while he only took part time classes for a small portion of that time, and dropped out of one quarter entirely. Once the student deferrment ended, he was mysteriously classified as “not subject to the draft”, with no reason given. During those years one of his mentors was one of the Watergate Plumbers, from whom he learned election tactics during the 1972 campaign. He was on the list to be investigated by the federal prosecutors, but after Nixon resigned investigations against most of those considered “small fry” were dropped, especially after Ford pardoned Nixon. Oh, by the way, Cheney and Rumsfield were working for the Ford administration when that happened.

    At least Clinton had to work hard at avoiding the draft. Apparanatly Rove only had to join the Republican Party.

  34. 38

    righton spews:

    I mean to add; hint; yemenis…ahem…not 85 year old Vets…nor young mothers.

    All you supposed experts….if say you owned a plane, and chartered it out, and “imagine”…were not bound by political correctness.

    Does the 85 yr old Vet get same rubdown as the 25 yr old Yemeni?

    Of course not.