HorsesAss.Org

  • Home
  • About HA
  • Advertise
  • Archives
  • Donate

Real Americans don’t eat knish

by Goldy — Thursday, 5/27/04, 1:22 am

Tim is so rude. He never replies to my email. [“Dear Tim…”]

However I recently received a thoughtful epistle from one of his supporters, and though I tend to keep private correspondence, um… private, in light of the fact that he didn’t bother to use a real email address I thought I’d take the liberty of replying publicly.

Klaus (not his real name) writes: “Hey Goldberg,” (not my real name,) “I’m sic [sic] and tired of lefty east coast ivy league leaches [sic] like you moving out here and attacking REAL AMERICANS like Tim Eyman [really sick]. I’d tell you to go back where you came from, but nobody wants your people back.”

Hmmm. Where to start?

Well first, I hate to admit it Klaus, but you’re right: I am an Ivy Leaguer. I shamefully graduated with a B.A. in History from the University of Pennsylvania, where I was obviously indoctrinated in left-wing politics, and unlike you… spelling.

I suppose if I were a “REAL AMERICAN like Tim” (better check that sticky shift key, Klaus,) I would have majored in UPSIDE-DOWN MARGARITAS at a REAL SCHOOL like WSU.

But then, my “people” aren’t REAL AMERICANS, are we? We are “lefty east coast ivy league leaches [sic]” … by which, of course, you mean JEWS.

And as a Jew, I could never be a REAL AMERICAN like you or Tim or I-892’s biggest financial backer, the Great CANADIAN Gaming Corporation.

That said, I do have one nit to pick with your otherwise cogent observations: I’m pretty sure I would in fact be quite welcome if I were to decide to go back where I came from.

Philadelphia is a cosmopolitan city with a vibrant art and theater scene, and a diverse populace that understands that deep down, the most meaningful difference between your people and my people is that my people occasionally like to eat smoked fish for breakfast.

(And, we know how to spell.)

Share:

  • Tweet
  • Email
  • Print

Related

ADVERTISEMENT

Recent HA Brilliance…

  • Wednesday Morning Open Thread Wednesday, 3/3/21
  • Monday Open Thread Monday, 3/1/21
  • Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza! Saturday, 2/27/21
  • Friday Open Thread Friday, 2/26/21
  • Open: Thread. Wednesday February 24, 2021 Wednesday, 2/24/21
  • Monday Open Thread Monday, 2/22/21
  • Friday Night Multimedia Extravaganza! Saturday, 2/20/21
  • Friday Open Thread Friday, 2/19/21
  • Friday Open Thread Friday, 2/19/21
  • Friday Open Thread Friday, 2/19/21

Election 2020: Biden versus Trump

Biden
Trump
> 99.9% probability
< 0.1% probability
360 electoral votes
178 electoral votes
Electoral College Map Electoral College Map
ADVERTISEMENT

From the Cesspool…

  • Hunter Biden's crack pipe on Wednesday Morning Open Thread
  • Q-Clearance Patriot on Wednesday Morning Open Thread
  • YLB on Wednesday Morning Open Thread
  • YLB on Wednesday Morning Open Thread
  • Hunter Biden's crack pipe on Wednesday Morning Open Thread
  • Hunter Biden's crack pipe on Wednesday Morning Open Thread
  • Hunter Biden's crack pipe on Wednesday Morning Open Thread
  • Hunter Biden's crack pipe on Wednesday Morning Open Thread
  • YLB on Wednesday Morning Open Thread
  • YLB on Wednesday Morning Open Thread
Tweets by @GoldyHA

Please Donate

Currency:

Amount:

Can’t Bring Yourself to Type the Word “Ass”?

Eager to share our brilliant political commentary and blunt media criticism, but too genteel to link to horsesass.org? Well, good news, ladies: we also answer to HASeattle.com, because, you know, whatever. You're welcome!

Search HA

Follow Goldy

[iire_social_icons]

HA Commenting Policy

It may be hard to believe from the vile nature of the threads, but yes, we have a commenting policy. Comments containing libel, copyright violations, spam, blatant sock puppetry, and deliberate off-topic trolling are all strictly prohibited, and may be deleted on an entirely arbitrary, sporadic, and selective basis. And repeat offenders may be banned! This is my blog. Life isn’t fair.

© 2004–2021, All rights reserved worldwide. Except for the comment threads. Because fuck those guys. So there.

loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.