Given the proper motivation — and I guess, lack of moral compass — I’ve always felt that I’d make an excellent terrorist. I’m both devious and technically minded, giving me the skills to mastermind an audacious attack, and have a flair for the dramatic that would surely be useful in extracting the maximum emotional impact.
Just call me by my new nom de guerre: Goldy al-Ḩmār.
And so in the spirit of computer hackers who expose security flaws in an effort to make our devices and networks more secure, I’ve decided to offer my own services to the Transportation Security Administration, free of charge, in an effort to make air travel as absolutely risk free as humanly possible. I mean, clearly, if the imminent threat of terrorist attack is so great that we must now irradiate our children before allowing them to board a flight, then TSA can surely use all the help it can get.
Remember, the goal here is to eliminate all risk, no matter how improbable, and no matter how expensive, inconvenient or irradiating the means. With that in mind, my first tip to TSA is:
Eliminate Web Check-In.
Web check-in, in which you check in and print your boarding pass from home, has proven a huge convenience and time saver for tens of millions of passengers, not to mention a big money saver for the airlines. But it’s another 9/11 just waiting to happen.
Assume for a moment that the TSA’s limit on liquids, gels and aerosols is based on legitimate security concerns rather than pure fantasy. Currently, such substances must be in containers no larger than 3.4 ounces, and all such containers must fit in a single, one-quart, zip-locked bag per passenger. Now assume that the TSA is actually capable of scanning for such substances, rather than like, say, when I recently returned from Vegas and forgot to remove the very visible 750 ml bottle of water from the mesh enclosure on the outside of my backpack, only to have it pass through the x-ray machine without comment.
Well, assuming liquids are potentially dangerous, and assuming TSA is capable of consistently screening them out, web check-in creates the opportunity for a team of terrorists to individually carry through security, and combine on the other side, dozens of 3.4 ounce bottles of liquid explosive… without even buying tickets for each member of the cell!
See, TSA doesn’t actually scan the bar code on your boarding pass like they do before you board the flight, they just look to see if it’s for today, and whether the name matches the name on your ID. So all an enterprising group of liquid bombers has to do is print one boarding pass, capture the image, and photoshop it to create and print additional boarding passes for each member of the cell. No cost, and no need to tip off authorities that a bunch of people with dangerous sounding names are all traveling from the same airport on the same day.
And secreting through security large quantities of liquid (or individually innocuous looking parts for some easily assembled weapon) is just one of the many nefarious things a terrorist might achieve via the fake boarding pass scam. For example, a terrorist on the watch list could simply purchase a ticket in somebody else’s name, and then photoshop the name on the boarding pass to match his own ID; the airlines and TSA would have no idea that this terrorist was even flying!
So while web check-in may be a welcome time and money saving convenience, as long as there’s even a vague risk of it being used as part of a terrorist plot, TSA has no choice but to shut it down and go back to the old system where we all waited in line for hours to check in.
For if Goldy al-Ḩmār can imagine it, so too can the real terrorists. And can we ever be too safe?
ROTFLMAO
I’ve always made this precise point to follks. The only time the boarding pass is ACTUALLY scanned (checked for validity by a computer) is at the gate to the plane. You can “print” up any fake boarding pass you want and walk through security at any time. Its trivial. Yes, 10 people could do this, then combine their 10 “quart bags” of liquid into a giant container and 9 of them just walk back out of the airport and only one (with the original valid boarding pass) gets on the plane.
Just like them confiscating a knife from me then giving me one on the plane (metal one in 1st class) points out the useless nature of this “feel good” bullshit security. It’s just to make people feel good so they keep flying (spending).
More properly Goldy الخيول الحمار.
There’s only one rational way to eliminate this risk for sure: abolish commercial air travel. This definitively eliminates the terror risk (at least for commercial air travel), plus cuts way down on both greenhouse gas emissions and noise pollution. And it would take all the airline executives who’ve profited for years by actively torturing their passengers, and throw them out of work. A winner all the way around.
The wealthy, of course, could continue to fly in the comfort of private jets, as they do now, and as it should be. Really, I don’t see any down side.
Next: eliminating the threat of car bombs…
Since the underwear bomber shows a new attack vector, I’m arguring for all passengers to strip while in the secure area and only allow clothing after exiting again. Nude flghts would clearly prevent underwear bombs.
Goldy, two words:
ceramic knives
I saw a woman the other day who was carrying what appeared to be two very dangerous weapons. Yes, nude flying!
Reuters
Commenter from that article:
The article itself said that it was equivalent to two minutes of flying.
Ppersonally, I don’t give a crap about scanners. If they want to scn me before I fly, big deal.
The corporate elite promotes and fosters fear in the general population. Since terrorists are always looking for an easy but significant target, the private corporate jets could be easily got at through their maintenance crews.
We need more vigilance there.
Another thing that the well-heeled terrorist is doing these days is titanium tooth implants. They will literally bite your head off.
# 4: I’ve been tempted to show up at the airport wearing only pajamas, and getting dressed on the other side of security, just to make a statement. But since the TSA folks don’t seem to have a sense of humor, I figure even that minor protest might result in me missing a flight while they conduct me to a battary of security checks.
# 10: Actually, I figure that the bigger danger rests not at this point from fellow passengers, but from terrorists inserted in the ground crews (luggage handlers, etc.).
And after we close that option, they could very well decide not to bother going through security at all, and instead park a car bomb at the front entrance to the terminal.
To deter this in Israel, all vehicles must stop at a checkpoint quite some distance from the airport, where they, their luggage, and their cars are searched and documents checked. In Japan, passengers to the international airport (Narita) have to go through a brief checkpoint about a mile or so from the airport itself, where individuals must display their tickets and police have the option of searching luggage or car trunks.
But at SeaTac, you can drive right up to the terminal, which is conveniently covered only by glass windows and doors.
Remember that the most recent act of aviation terrorisim in the U.S. came from a U.S. citizen who flew a privately owned aircraft into an IRS headquarters. No TSA security check required.
3
Mandating a return to ox carts would make car bombs a thing of history.
Daddy Love @7, @8,
Then again:
Yes, the radiation level may be relatively small, but since the impact of radiation is cumulative, multiply this small level by some 800 million passenger exposures a year, and you are likely causing additional cancers and cancer deaths across the population.
And for what?
It would also be an easy way around heightened screening. You could swap bags post screening and exchange boarding passes(they don’t check your id at the gate).
Have any of you ever driven on Steele St., south of 512? It goes right by the runways for McChord, with a clear sight line of the whole aviation area. One measly chain link fence is all that separates the base from the public. I also think about how easily someone could sneak on base from that road that goes between Ft. Lewis and McChord…..
@18
I would love to see you try….security there is more stout than you think.
Security HAS gotten tighter all around. One factor is the exponitial increase of security cameras. They might not be watching every one 24 hours a day, but if anything does happen, every one of those tapes is going to be checked. Your odds of getting away without having your picture taken are very small.
But at least it’s light-years ahead of what it used to be like. Until 9/11, a freight forwarder I know used to have one ID card for accesss to the cargo areas at SeaTac. No matter who was driving that day, the drivers all used the same badge. Which was hilarious when you consider that the badge had the picture of a black man, and most of the drivers were either white or asian.
Boeing used to be incredibly lax in it’s security also. Often the security officer couldn’t be troubled to even come out of the gatehouse, he would just wave everyone by. But these days every ID is checked, and right after 9/11/ there were several guards at each gate, carrying shotguns. You have to have a valid Boeing ID AND a car pass to drive through the gates, and most Boeing employees don’t get a car pass.
Hell, why not just have everyone drop their drawers? If bicyclists can do it, why not airport travelers?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Naked_Bike_Ride
just checking to see if my posts are shown.
@18
Don’t know about SeaTac, but I wouldn’t try that at McChord. The fence is only a small part of the security there.
Public officials should take more responsibility for this, regulating it and paying for it. Sea-Tac is at least in part supported through our tax dollars through the Port of Seattle. Where is the Port on this issue? This is an issue of Public Safety. There is no proof or even hint that this will actually make us safer from terrorists or that it would have prevented any of the recent incidents. It simply isn’t worth the risk to the environment.
Why anyone would introduce more unnecessary radiation into the environment in light of rising rates of cancer and the difficulties associated with disposal of radioactive waste. I know that the danger of the radiation will be played down, but each time we introduce a little more there is a cumulative affect.
Most Americans are intimidated by peer pressure even when very reasonable reasons exist for resisting allowing your self to be exposed to unnecessary x-rays. Public policy really needs to be revamped here. I still want a lobby against this. I know there must be a lobby for this or it wouldn’t be instituted.
I dunno..they looked pretty cool in Total Recall.
Why don’t we just withdraw from sand-negro land and get out of the battle between Jews and Muslims over Israel/Palestine? That’s why we’ve got terrorists in the first place: we can’t mind our own fucking business!
Let’s do some basic math. The total (composite) number of US citizens who died from terrorism in the US is a bit under 3100 (wow a whopping number) people over the last ten years. Thus we are spending billions of dollars to securitize airports based on a perceived threat that in another ten years 3100 more people might be killed (this does not include the several hundred rescue workers who, due to Congressional politics, will not be compensated for their health issues and deaths).
So, tacitly we agree to screw ourselves for the illusion of safely and security. Now, each day more than two hundred thousand people (mostly between the hours of 6-8AM and 3-6PM) pass through Grand Central and Penn Stations. Let’s say that at any given moment, in the two stations there are approx 20,000 people within the stations’ boundaries. Yet there is virtually no security: no scanners, no metal detectors, no baggage sniffers, no TSA. But, it would only take a small dirty bomb (perhaps an old x-ray machine cannister or amounts of cobalt, cesium, polonium etc. to cause severe trauma and increased numbers of casualties at the stations.
Now multiply this by the 500 or so stations across the country with more than the 3100 people per day (got to use that number), and we have a giant security gap. This doesn’t account for bus, light rail, and other commuter stations. But don’t worry about any of this because we only have concern for air passengers.
Last numbers i will throw out: 168 killed and 680 injured (with close to 600 buildings damaged). A standing target taken down from outside with a truck bomb in the US.
This may be like boiling the frog. Consider notions of privacy and personal Web security. In the 90s, the idea of cookies and sharing personal information online was a big controversy, but after a while it just became an accepted part of the Web culture.
I would imagine that for airport security, at first people will wait in long, slow lines to take the manual pat-down and avoid the x-ray. But after a while people will just accept the cancer risk and violation as just part of travel. In a generation it will be just another part of life no one will think about, the cost of doing business.
By then, who knows what people will be concerned about.
Well think of the alternative:
“free prostate exams with every flight!”
Here’s the bottom line: There is NO effective defense against an attacker who is willing to die in the process.
Given the easy availability of firearms, open carry etc., think about what would happen to the economy if there was coordinated shooting attack at malls — say the Mall of America and a few others — leaving aside the bullshit security theater that would take over the shopping “experience” afterwords. The economy would essentially be on lockdown for months afterward.
And if you think our politics is insane now, just wait, the political pandering to fear and handwringing would poison politics for a generation.
@30
I doubt they have to go that far, just get one person to blow up a car in an airport parking lot and then have a bunch of other folks phone in threats to other airports.
The biggest threats to our well being come from driving, the guns we keep to keep us “safe”, our diets, and lack of exercise.
@31: You’re right of course. I was trying to point out the utter stupidity of pretty much everything to do with security after 9/11.
New Feature: PSA Tips from Goldy al-Ḩmār (airport security tips for men only)
I have two words for anyone looking for a way to bring down airplanes:
Nuff said.
The Burlington Burkha Factory has just announced that they will build a facility in Mecca!
El Qaeda is outraged.