Spring has sprung, birds are singing, and Republican presidential candidates are slinging bullshit all over Iowa and New Hampshire. Here’s an incomplete list of some of the dumbest things that have been said over the last three days or so:
Mike Huckabee: The perennial presidential candidate does not use the diabetes snake oil “miracle cure” that he’s paid to shill, reports the New York Times. This man is about as unserious as they come, but for some reason he’s treated like a real live human being wherever he goes. How is that?
Scott Walker: The Little Governor That Could got caught spinning a King Arthur-like fable about himself. Walker told a story in which Reagan’s family bible basically flew into his hands, as though he was the chosen successor to Reagan. The curator of the Reagan Library politely begged to differ with Walker’s fabulist take.
Ted Cruz: Speaking in New Hampshire this weekend, Ted Cruz’s toddler-like grasp of politics managed to terrify an actual toddler (starting at 0:34 in the below video):
Cruz’s response to the child makes absolutely no sense. He tells her that her world specifically is on fire, but then he says Republicans will make it “even better.” Even better than totally on fire? Does that mean burned to a cinder or not on fire anymore?
Rand Paul: The youngest living Ron Paul clone did some brand maintenance this weekend . He’s supposed to be the hippest presidential candidate in the game, so he made multiple appearances at Austin’s insufferably hip South By Southwest festival. And, in case you’re not already in awe of Paul’s hipness, he also held a live Twitter Q&A with his adoring public, using the hashtag #RANDSXSW. Here’s one exchange:
#RANDSXSW what is your opinion on the FCC’s new net neutrality regulations? @SenRandPaul
— breunden (@breunden) March 14, 2015
.@breunden do we want “postal neutrality?” Where you can’t get overnight mail? #sxsw #randsxsw — Senator Rand Paul (@SenRandPaul) March 15, 2015
Okay, this analogy makes even less sense than Ted Cruz’s attempt to soothe a child by invoking the apocalypse. Using Paul’s own logic, wealthy people would be able to ensure that their packages arrive sooner than yours. Delivery companies would be able to hold your packages ransom until you agreed to pay a last-second delivery fee. The internet is and has always been a utility. If Paul could make an analogy using electricity, I might be willing to listen to him. But he can’t, so he’s going to tie the internet to that classic Republican target, the United States Postal Service. A whole lot of people will buy this dumb analogy on its surface, which is precisely why it’s so dangerous.
Bonus Rand Paul Round: Paul also claimed that he signed the traitorous letter to Iran because he wanted President Obama “to negotiate from a position of strength.” Uh-huh. Meanwhile, Deroy Murdock at National Review‘s Corner blog says nobody should be upset about that Iran letter because it wasn’t actually sent anywhere. It was just published on the internet where anyone can read and re-post it. Or does Iran already suffer from the socialist plague of postal neutrality? No wonder Senator Paul signed the letter!
Jeb Bush: The presumptive next Republican presidential candidate made his first royal tour of New Hampshire over the weekend, and the media loves him, presumably because Bush is granting them access. The press is swooning over Bush, calling him an “anti-Romney” and a “centrist.” Never mind the fact that Bush, who supposedly really cares about income inequality at the moment, claims that he sees “no need for a national increase in the minimum wage,” which should be the first step of any real plan to combat income inequality. Bush is totally a centrist man of the people, because he acts all chummy with the reporters who are assigned to his campaign. He’s the anti-Romney, okay? He just is. Shut up.
When the republican candidate starts promoting equality for women, minorities and the LGBT communities to the point where he stand up to the republican establishment, when he starts muzzling corporate over reach, when he fights for income equality, when he starts to focus on the middle class and supporting unions for those who want them, then I’ll consider him. But it cannot be word and promises, I need to see implemented policy.
What white trash paranoid schizophrenia sounds like.
When you have obviously psychotic people standing up and illustrating exactly how crazy they really are, and then have apparent “candidates” for public office agreeing with them in open forum, the issue isn’t with the man holding the highest office in the land.
These people are fucking insane.
We really need to rebuild the mental hospitals in this country and start treating these crazy people for what they are. This isn’t run of the mill lunatic blather, this shit is downright terrifying in that people really seem to believe this shit and are apparently perfectly willing to engage in violence as a legitimate political tool. They seem to be going to huge effort to out-crazy each other and the bullshit just keeps getting deeper because there is no real authority structure in place that these lunatics would listen to when they are wrong about something.
#1 hell, I’d be happy if more than a small handful of democrats would do all that!!!
I sure hope the Stupid Party runs Low Wage Walker against Hillary. I believe they’re dumb enough to do that. Promise the rubes poverty and war, and they’ll vote for you.
@2 They’re still mad about losing the Civil War, too.
What happens to Rand Paul’s “position of strength” if Netanyahu loses tomorrow’s Israeli election as appears likely?
I find it seriously depressing that such delusional people are considered legitimate candidates for president.
You didn’t even get to Lindsay Graham’s “joke” about sending the troops into congress to demand they restore defense cuts. (But he was joking…of course a Junta is a bad idea. Unless we call them Contras. Yeah, Contras. That’s good. Oh and if they are in Chile. Those Juntas are fine and no more. Okay, there’s Nicaragua, Chile and Venezuella. Those attempted Juntas and NO MORE. Wait…Nicaragua, Chile, Venezuela and Haiti and THAT’S IT!)
Because nothing is funnier than the military demanding a certain percentage of the budget or else it would be a shame for something to happen to this Democratic body you have. Wouldn’t want it to meet with some kind of accident.
Bunch of fucking loons.
#4 Old Kochsucker Scott Walker, competing with Sam Brownbacker to see which one can run their state further into the shitter. Trickle down economics is nothing more than a golden shower.
Republicans do support equal rights for women. Like the right for HIllary to go to f@@@ing jail for signing the document saying she turned over ALL public documents after slinking away from her failed Sec of State tenure..when she had 55,000 plus docs she didn’t turn over. Tee-hee-hee. This is gonna be fun to watch! Equal rights for HIllary would mean she gets her ass kicked for doing the things she has done.
@2….
Excuse me fuzzy sir, wasn’t it actually “the War of Northern Aggression”?
“Republicans do support equal rights for women. Like the right for HIllary to go…”
Dream on, Fuckface.
“Tee-hee-hee. ”
Urban Dictionary: tee hee hee
http://www.urbandictionary.com.....ee+hee+hee
Urban Dictionary
tee hee hee. The really cute laugh a girl does when she feels like being cute.
Dude, you may want to reconsider your tee-hee-hees. Just sayin’, Fuckface.
Cruz’s response to the child makes absolutely no sense. – Oh butt it did! And the child understood, was happy and called him Uncle Ted later.
Seems children understand more than DUMMOCRETINS! Seems the libtard mind is a screwed up thing!
@14 hypocrite, you should move to a country that isn’t on fire.
Oh my, the teabaggin buttbusting buttbigot gorilla has comprehension issues… Cruz said the world is on fire due to Obummer, not some country. And why are you still using Brendan Eich’s invention since you hate his politics so much.
Hypocrite!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
That’s “Tee-hee-hee”, budhole.
@16 ask Brendan why does he like to get his dick sucked by other guys then.
Folks the next Republican candidate is some guy named Cotton!
He’s the wiz and will be our next Prez!
Hurray for Cotton!
It will be a fun Republican primary season and they will barely have room for another podium at the beginning of their debates.
Will 666n be back? That would be fun!
And the guy with the really fake hair ought to be good for a laugh or two.
Still it’s gonna be Cotton!