Job 3:2
He said:
Discuss.
Can’t Bring Yourself to Type the Word “Ass”?
Eager to share our brilliant political commentary and blunt media criticism, but too genteel to link to horsesass.org? Well, good news, ladies: we also answer to HASeattle.com, because, you know, whatever. You're welcome!
“If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.”
Oh, wait.
That was Frank Zappa.
My bad.
“Catholicism is like Howard Johnson, and what they have are these franchises and they give all these people different franchises in the different countries but they have one government, and when you buy the Howard Johnson franchise you can apply it to the geography – whatever’s cool for that area – and then you, you know, pay the bread to the main office.”
Oh, wait.
That was Lenny Bruce.
My bad.
“I bring you the stately matron named Christendom, returning bedraggled, besmirched, and dishonored, from pirate raids in Kiaochow, Manchuria, South Africa, and the Philippines, with her soul full of meanness, her pocket full of boodle, and her mouth full of pious hypocrisies. Give her soap and towel, but hide the looking glass.”
Oh, wait.
That was Mark Twain.
My bad.
Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.
Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.
“Very well, then, everything he has is in your power, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.” Then Satan [vomit producer’s lord] went out from the presence of the LORD.
I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man comes to the Father, but by me. – John 14:6
But seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. – Matthew 6:33
Ask and it will be given. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened for you. – Luke 11:9
If I drive out demons by the finger of God, then the Kingdom of God has arrived for you. –Mathew 12:2
When someone hits you on the cheek offer the other as well. When someone takes your coat let him have your shirt too. – Luke 6:29
Love your enemies. And pray for those who persecute. Matthew 5:44
If one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them, does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the missing one till he has found it? How delighted he is then! He lifts it onto his shoulders, and home he goes to call his friends and neighbors together. “Celebrate with me!” he cries. “I have found my lost sheep.” – Luke 15:4-6
“She said.”
Next? Figuring out this Bible stuff is easy.
“Yada, yada, yada…death and destruction” Rinse and repeat.
@4 “The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away”
Your Lord is the stock market? The Great Mother Rabbit Spirit isn’t so mean. I milk the stock market for all it’s worth, but I don’t worship it. Maybe you should worship Mother Nature like me.
“Boy you better try to have fun no matter what you do.”
-Prince
“Ooh, eee, Oooh Ah Ah Ting Tang walla walla bing bang.”
-Witch doctor Job
“I’ve made a terrible mistake.”
Gob Bluth
Sorry. Wrong number.
@4 Of course Job isn’t a Christian so none of that stuff applies to him. Nor is he Jewish. He’s a rather odd duck as he’s one of the few non-Jewish men of faith in the old testament.
Job is a man of property. A successful man. A man with power. Yet in the following passages he asks why do bad things happen to good people while the evil people have it real good. Why is God such a bloody dick.
“The most preposterous notion that H. sapiens has ever dreamed up is that the Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of all the Universe, wants the saccharine adoration of His creatures, can be swayed by their prayers, and becomes petulant if He does not receive this flattery, Yet this absurd fantasy, without a shred of evidence to bolster it, pays all the expenses of the oldest, largest, and least productive industry in all history.”
Robert Heinlein
a man who read “Job” a time or two, and wrote a book with Job in it. God apparently doesn’t have a copyright.
@ 13
“God apparently doesn’t have a copyright.”
Technically, religion is open source. But, like Disney has done so many times, it is claimed by people who have appropriated it for their own purposes and twisted it to conform to their own prejudices and in support of their own ambitions of socioeconomic control.
The real purpose of Religion is to present a cute little puppet show for the easily distracted, while the dips and purse-cutters work the back of the crowd.
Catch one in the act, and the puppeteers will either disavow any knowledge of the thieves in their employ, or accuse and denounce the accuser of heresy or rebellion and instigate some form of violence against them. Religion is about cash flow and capital manipulation. The spirituality element is just there to make people smile and enjoy the antics of the thieves in their midst.
That’s why the Capitalists have turned Capitalism into a religion and work so terribly hard at maintaining a self-enforcing social construct around the faith. It’s easy to convince people that the thieves are not criminals when they are taught from birth to enjoy being robbed.
“HE said” Emphasis on HE. So God has a dick? The bible told me so. What does God do with his dick? Balls? We, and I mean the males out there, are made in HIS image so if we have dicks HE must have the necessary male equipment. I don’t know where the design for women came from. The bible is of two minds on women. Clay or rib. If God pisses, then his dick would keep him from pissing all over his sandals. Perhaps God is something like a Ken doll “down there”. A Ken doll with a big bushy beard. Why don’t theologians discuss this? We are curious.
“Oy vey, perish the day on which I was born.”
Job was the first kvetcher.
Why is God such a bloody dick. – God is a God of love. Butt, God has to allow Satan to prove himself to all the Universe. Satan is the bloddy dick Mark Adams. Seems Satan has proven himself to you and other DUMMOCRETINS here. So why do you worship Satan?
Really vomit producer? So you live under the creedo “The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls, and tenement halls”?
No they are not. Butt to the vomit producer anything the vomit producer disagrees with is like that. Otherwise your silly little world collapses!
God is a God of love. His Son Jesus proved that when He healed everyone He came in contact with. Jews hated Jesus because He healed on the Sabbath. Pharisees and Saducees hated Jesus because He called them out. Seems you hate Jesus because you don’t understand His love message.
Jesus didn’t skip over anyone. He healed them all. Satan destroys. Since you like anarchists and how they destroy anything and everything in their path, you are just following your leader Satan, vomit producer. At least you admit your OWS anarchist support. Many here hide that fact. Butt you are still following your “lord” Satan!
Where is the puppet show vomit producer? As Puddy has written numerous times, if there is no God then Puddy goes to the grave with nothing lost. However, if God, His Son Jesus, and The Holy Spirit do exist; and Jesus in the future returns in the Clouds of Glory what will you say?
Oh Jesus Puddy was right again
Oh Jesus, wow, I didn’t know
Oh Jesus you are real
Oh Jesus atheists were wrong
Oh Jesus I bet on the wrong being
Oh Jesus Satan claimed you were fake
Oh Jesus I thought…
Oh Jesus I thought the Bible was fake
Oh Jesus I thought your words were fake
Oh Jesus I thought those stories were fake
Oh Jesus I thought those healings were fake
Oh Jesus I thought those miracles were fake
Oh Jesus can I have a second chance
Oh Jesus I believed a lie
Oh Jesus I believed just like other HA DUMMOCRETINS
You see vomit producer as Christians…
We have this hope that burns within our heart,
Hope in the coming of the Lord.
We have this faith that Christ alone imparts,
Faith in the promise of His Word.
We believe the time is here,
When the nations far and near
Shall awake, and shout and sing
Hallelujah! Christ is King!
We have this hope that burns within our heart,
Hope in the coming of the Lord.
We are united in Jesus Christ our Lord.
We are united in His love.
Love for the waiting people of the world,
People who need our Savior’s love.
Soon the heav’ns will open wide,
Christ will come to claim His bride,
All the universe will sing
Hallelujah! Christ is King!
We have this hope this faith, and God’s great love,
We are united in Christ.
It’s you who discussed raping women and slitting throats. That’s not a Christian philosophy. Seems that’s your latest Satanic fantasy. Hopefully you can do that in a morgue! Seems your speed. It’s you who cheers anarchy and the destruction of property everywhere as HA’s OWS lead cheerleader. It’s you whom and your DUMMOCRETIN friends demonstrating hatred in these threads 24×7!
And those purse cutters? Puddy have never advocated prosperity theology. Puddy believes in helping those who are less fortunate. Will the vomit producer and others like him give to the Nepalese crisis or will you sit on your hands and not open your wallets to those in real need right now? That’s what Satan believers do; sit on their hands and do nothing!
Sux to be you and your kind!