Dwight Pelz is the chair of the Washington State Democratic Party. He used to be a state senator and a King County councilman. In 2004, he was one of the most prominent backers of Howard Dean in this state. He was elected to his current position this January, and, from what I’ve gathered, he’s up for reelection early next year. We’ve all heard the leadership shake-up rumors over in GOP headquarters, with Luke “The Pig Fucker” Esser considering challenging current chair Diane “Tubeless” Tebelius. Even though Dwight led the Democrats to an earth-shattering, mind-blowing victory in ’06, with the GOP getting a royal ass-kicking, some are questioning Dwight’s conduct post-victory. Some are even questioning Dwight’s leadership.
If you knew Dwight like I do, you’d know the REAL story…
Here are… The Dwight Pelz Facts!!
1. Dwight Pelz was born in Seattle, WA in 1951. Well, he wasn’t so much born as he was forged. You know, like a sword. But instead of being made of out metal, Dwight Pelz was forged out of the tears of Republican children.
2. The name “Pelz” is Swedish for “go fuck yourself.”
3. You know the port wine stain on Paul Berendt’s forehead? It’s not a birthmark. It’s actually wine. And who put it there? Dwight Pelz. Scary, I know.
4. While Sen. Tim Sheldon (D-Potlatch) is AGAINST gun-control, he’s FOR Dwight-control.
5. In 2008, Dino Rossi is going to run… away in fear, that is, from Dwight Pelz. Rossi will make it seem like he’s running for Governor, but he’s really just shit-scared of Dwight.
6. By the year 2010, the Puget Sound area will be rid of it’s dependence on foreign oil. Instead of gasoline, our cars will run on Dwight’s unbridled rage at the Sonics for leaving Seattle.
7. In 2002, Dwight Pelz visited the Granma Province in Cuba. Four years later, Fidel Castro’s in a fuckin’ coma. ‘Nuff said.
8. Dwight Pelz once called Tim Eyman a “self-aggrandizing punk.” Tim’s really scared. Now, whenever Tim makes a public appearance, he wears a disguise. Some of those disguises are: Buzz Lightyear, a Heterosexual Man, and Darth Vader.
These are just some of “The Dwight Pelz Facts.” Trust me when I say this Democrats… we’re lucky Dwight’s on OUR side.