[In a fit of nostalgia (and laziness), I’m marking my remaining days here on HA by posting links to some of my favorite and most influential posts. If you have favorites you’d like to see, please let me know.]
06/03/2005: Dog day afternoon
Yesterday was a bad day for Feisty, my petulant little puppy. We awoke at 6 am to empty her young bladder, but on our way to the backdoor she took a shortcut on the living room rug. Later, annoyed with me for paying more attention to Kirby Wilbur than to her, she made every effort to voice her opinion on the air. The difficult behavior continued. She chased the cat. She dug a hole in the backyard, caking herself with mud. And when not chewing on my hands, ankles and feet, she destructively masticated whatever piece of furniture or household object was most convenient.
Finally, at the end of this long, tiring day, I returned Feisty to the family from whom we had adopted her, locked her in the kennel with her last remaining litter mates, got back in the car, and drove off.
Assuming dogs have the ability to reason (and for rhetorical purposes we’ll leave that assumption unchallenged,) one could hardly blame her for having the impression that, angry and exasperated, I had abandoned her. That would be a logical conclusion… at least, for a dog.
When I asked my co-bloggers for their suggestions as to which posts deserved inclusion into this Best of HA series, Darryl and Carl both nominated the above. It’s hardly my most influential, nor my best written, and in the larger scheme of things, the subject matter is rather inconsequential. But it’s also kind of a classic, both in the way it epitomizes my tendency to forego a proper lede, instead taking my readers on a winding path toward the ultimate thesis, and in the way my trolls are so quick to jump to conclusions… and for the worst.
Anyway, read the whole thing.
You took home a puppy and didn’t consider the fact that puppies are an inherently destructive creature?
I haven’t had a dog in 25 years. I’ve never had the room for one. But you can damn well bet that as soon as I do have the room, I am going to get one. Border Collie, maybe a Golden Retriever, I dunno.
But man, you never take on a puppy without considering the ramifications toward your personal possessions.
Death to all dogs! Dogs are useless! All they do is chew furniture, pee on carpets, dig holes, and chase rabbits. They should all be put down until there are no more left to breed! This planet doesn’t need dogs. It did just fine before dogs came along and will be find without them.
Deathfrogg @1,
In truth, I was taking poetic license. Feisty was a very non-destructive puppy. She dug up the yard, but learned very quickly she wasn’t allowed to chew things in the house. Which brings up a very amusing anecdote.
I leave the back door open on dry summer days so the dog can go in and out, and I’m sitting in my office writing hearing the then, five-month-old puppy doing exactly that. In and out I hear her walking, back and forth, nonstop, like she’s pacing or something. So after about ten minutes a get up to see what’s going on.
She had been methodically emptying the house of all the things she wanted to chew on, but had been scolded not to. Shoes, pillows, books, remote controls and various other objects, all dragged out into the yard, her free chew zone.
It took one scolding, and she never tried that again. Smart dog.