It’s Such a Nice Day But Jason Rantz Is Still The Worst

OK, I get it. Jason Rantz is just going to bug me. For, like, ever. Fine. I’m still going to read his nonsense, so I can write posts like this on one of the last nice days we’ll have for a while. We’re all welcome?

Well, this is just excessive.

Did Joni Baler get a job with My Northwest? One sentence paragraphs are fine sometimes, but there’s no need for this one or the one in a little bit. In any event, we can all agree that the best opening paragraphs should leave you not having any idea what the subject of the story is going to be. So, um, good job. Also, I think this would be better if it ended with a colon.

When I first saw that the City of Seattle was going to temporarily take over a portion of a neighborhood, transforming the area into a park and recreation space, I knew it was made for vilifying by the Department of Transportation’s critics (me being one of them). But given it’s temporary, it seemed like a fun idea. Space for biking, live music, buskers, skateboarding, and even Zumba classes sounds like a fun afternoon if the weather allows for it.

Great. Sounds like fun. Let’s all go and have a hot dog or something.

But then I saw the details.

You can write longer paragraphs. Also, I think this would be better if it ended with a colon.

The city will close 46 blocks in the Central District on Saturday between 11 a.m. and 3 p.m. Only limited local traffic will be allowed through.

It’s a Saturday, so light traffic. And it’ll be fine. You know I bet the Sounders and Mariners games that day will be worse for traffic, but I doubt we’ll have a nonsense piece about that.

I understand the desire to get people in the community to come out and enjoy the space, especially if we have another beautiful day, but 46 blocks is exceptionally excessive, especially because the city will hardly provide enough activities to cover the entire space in a meaningful way. And it’s hard to get to know your neighbors and the community within 46 blocks.

I haven’t looked at a map, but the square root of 46 is between 6 and 7. So between 6 and 7 blocks each way is worth a rant. Or it could be long and thin. How about you let people know so they can drive around if necessary? But for the rest of us, that sounds like fun. Maybe I’ll walk there or take a bus.

The real reason they’re occupying so much space is to push bicycling; they’ll even be raffling off 10 free bikes at Garfield Playground, in partnership with a great local company, Bike Works. We’re about to lose out on the great Seattle weather, which is when it’s most undesirable to bike around the city (turns out, it’s onerous and can be dangerous to ride bikes up and down hills in the rain). So they’re making one last, desperate attempt to push bicycling before the weather turns.

Is it really so horrible that they’re giving away bikes on a nice day? This is pretty weak sauce. This paragraph is also all over the place: Bike Works is great but the city is ruining stuff by working with them. The weather is great, but it might not be for ever.

Anyway as someone who has taken plenty of rainy Seattle bike rides, they aren’t the best case, but it’s mostly fine. Usually Seattle is more misty than rainy. Get some lights and reflective clothing, and be careful. Anyway, nobody says it has to be your only form of transportation. All the forms of transportation get worse when it’s raining.

Ultimately, the concept of closing down communities for these types of events is a good one; but this is way too big and poorly thought out. If they’re expecting people from out of the neighborhood to come by (and I’m assuming they are, unless the City is now in the business of catering only to the select neighborhoods in the area they actually care about), one has to wonder where they’ll park, given they just close 46 blocks-worth of space for cars. Oh, they expect you to hop on a bus (or bike) with your young kids and spouse.

The end??? The possibility that people going to the Central District might take the bus with their spouse or kids is that strange? I don’t even understand why that’s a complaint. People literally paid him money to write that it would be odd for people to take a bus with their kids. I don’t have kids, but there are plenty on pretty much any bus when it isn’t rush hour. Has he never taken a bus home after a ballgame? Fucking try taking your kids on the bus before being an asshole.

I’m also betting there will be parking in the CD on a Saturday since there are plenty of lots. Fine, you know what, you win: I looked at the map. You’ll be fine. Now I’m going to enjoy what’s left of a nice evening.